


Broken Pieces

by jbuffyangel



Series: Once and Forever Queen [2]
Category: Anti Lauriver, Arrow (TV 2012), MerLance - Fandom, olicity - Fandom
Genre: Character Death, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-09 02:48:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 43,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8872750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jbuffyangel/pseuds/jbuffyangel
Summary: The conclusion to Once and Forever QueenDescription: Oliver and Felicity are blissfully married, but Felicity’s father, Damien Darhk, is back and bent on revenge. His plan has unexpected consequences and forces Oliver and Laurel to finally confront their past. Meanwhile, Thea’s grip on her sanity begins to slip and Felicity struggles with a secret she’s keeping from Oliver.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It’s not necessary to read Once and Forever Queen first, but it would be helpful. I will be posting this fic chapter by chapter.
> 
> ***Music I listened to while writing the story

_***Lost Boy by Ruth B_

The Queen property was large and expansive, spreading from the tailored, impeccably kept lawn to the forest behind the massive mansion. The wind slipped through the high canopy of trees and lifted them high. Then it let go with just as much ease. The branches drifted down and then the breeze would begin again. The sunlight skipped along the top of the forest. The slants of light peeked through the open air between the mangled twist of the branches. It created a kaleidoscope of colors on the ground like walking through a rainbow. Children's laughter echoed throughout the woods.

Tommy and Oliver, adventurous  ten years olds, tossed a football between them, as Laurel lagged behind. She painstakingly inspected every tree, completely focused in her task.

“Ha! Touchdown!” Oliver shouted triumphantly.

“Only because I'm fast enough to catch your crap throws,” Tommy countered.

Oliver scoffed and said, “You wish.”

“You wish you were as fast as me,” Tommy taunted.

“Race you to that tree,” Oliver challenged.

“You're on!” Tommy accepted. Laurel looked up from her inspection completely exasperated with the boys.

“Come on you guys, you said you'd help.”

“We are helping,” Oliver answered distractedly as he tossed the football to Tommy who effortlessly caught it.

“Playing football is not helping, Ollie,” Laurel complained. “We need at least six different species of mushrooms for this science project, and I've only found three.”

“Right. You said we needed to look in the woods. I provided the woods. I helped,” Ollie argued triumphantly, raising his hands towards the forest around them, a little prince in his kingdom.

Tommy tossed the football back at Oliver hard, landing it squarely in his stomach. He caught it with an “oof” and gave Tommy a wry look. Laurel giggled.

“Let's split up. It'll get done faster,” Tommy offered.

Oliver opened his mouth to argue again, but Tommy quickly added, “Mrs. Frasier is close to busting us, Ollie. Laurel's done most of the work on the last three projects - “

“All. I've done all the work,” Laurel corrected.

“Okay, all. Whatever. Frasier is starting to suspect. I can't flunk this... my dad will kill me.”

This silenced Oliver, and Laurel triumphantly handed out photos of the assigned mushrooms . The boys begrudgingly took them, and Laurel scampered off deeper into the forest, calling out instructions as she went.

“Make sure to note the location of where you found it!”

Tommy muttered to Oliver, “She's such a pain. Why do you always bring her along?”

Oliver shrugged, “Because she does all the work.”

Unable to argue with his logic, Tommy set about his task. For several minutes the forest fell silent as each child searched. Then, suddenly, the sound of a blood curdling scream deep in the forest ripped apart the tranquility. Tommy and Oliver looked at one another alarmed. Without a word, they took off in the direction of the scream.

“Laurel?” Oliver yelled.

“Here! Ollie! Here! I fell!” Laurel tearfully cried out.

Oliver and Tommy scanned the woods and followed the sound of Laurel's voice. They came upon an opening to an old cavern, shabbily & hastily nailed shut with planks of wood. The boys bent down and peered inside. Laurel was several feet down, clutching her arm. Her forehead was bleeding and her arm was badly scraped.

“Here! Grab my arm!” Oliver commanded, reaching down.

Laurel tentatively stood and reached up, but Oliver was too high. She shook her head and said, “I can't reach. My arm hurts. I think it might be broken.”

Tommy looked at Oliver gravely and said, “Go get your dad, Ollie.”

Oliver shook his head and said, “No. You go. I'll stay with her.”

Tommy argued back, “No. You’re faster. I'll stay.”

Without another word, Oliver took off in a dead sprint. The inside of the cavern was dark and cold. Laurel began to softly cry.

“Don't cry Laurel. Ollie will be back with Mr. Queen any minute,” Tommy offered gently.

Laurel took a deep breath and tried to calm herself, but when she looked back at the opening Tommy was gone. Panic immediately seized her, and she cried out, “Tommy? Where are you? Don't leave!”

Suddenly a rope plopped down along the shorter end of the cavern hole. Tommy called out, “Can you climb it?”

“No! I told you my arm is broken!” Laurel shouted back frustrated.

Tommy began to slowly climb down the rope.

“Tommy! What are you doing?” Laurel cried out in alarm.

Tommy silently offered Laurel his hand, but their fingers only brushed. Laurel expected Tommy to climb back up when it was apparent he wouldn't be able to pull her.  Instead, he did just the opposite. Tommy released his grip on the rope and fell with a thud to the bottom of the cavern, only a few feet from Laurel.

“Ow,” he grimaced as he rubbed his backside.

“Are you crazy? You can't reach the rope from down here, dummy. Now we're both stuck!” Laurel shouted angrily.

Tommy shrugged, brushed himself off and sat down, making himself comfortable. He said, “So, we'll be stuck together. Okay?”

Realization dawned on Laurel. She softly replied, “Okay,” and sat down next to Tommy. They sat in an easy silence, comforted in one another's presence. Soon Oliver arrived with Mr. Queen. Robert Queen's height and strength allowed him to easily navigate the cavern. He lowered himself down and scooped Laurel up in his arms.

“Hold on, sweetheart,” Robert whispered. His voice was soft and reassuring, but his low, deep register boomed throughout the cavern. Laurel wrapped her good arm tightly around Robert's neck and buried her head into his chest. His scratchy beard tickled the top of her forehead. As they climbed, Laurel peeked over Robert's shoulder. The sunlight grew brighter and brighter until it almost blinded her. She finally looked back down at Tommy, but he was gone. Completely vanished... as if he was never there.

Laurel reached towards the darkness below and cried out, “Where's Tommy? Don't leave Tommy!”

The sound of her own cries awoke Laurel from her dream with a start. For a moment, she didn't know where she was. It was before dawn, and it took her eyes a minute to adjust to the dark. Then, she realized she was in her own bed, covered in sweat, her heart racing and gasping for breath. The memory from her childhood, recalled so clearly in the dream, intermixed with the returning knowledge that Tommy was dead. Gone... forever.

Laurel knew sleep would be impossible, so with a deep sigh she rolled out of bed to begin the day. The air conditioning bristled against her wet skin and Laurel shivered. She stepped into the shower, desperate to warm up, but she knew the cold feeling deep inside her gut would be with her all day.

_***My Demons by Starset_

The only sound in the Arrow bunker was the click of Oliver and Thea's bamboo sticks as they sparred. Thea swung hard at Oliver, a fury in her movements. Oliver's torso shifted back with ease. The stick narrowly missed him, which only served to anger Thea more.

"Control your breathing Thea," Oliver commanded as he met her strike for strike.

Thea ignored him and only quickened her pace more. Their fluid movement become almost frenetic as Oliver matched Thea's speed. Oliver swung over Thea's head, and she ducked but then spun and moved to strike. Oliver was prepared for her, however, and blocked her stick with his own from behind. As Oliver turned, Thea froze. She spotted Moira over Oliver's shoulder, standing a few feet away, watching them with a blank stare. Oliver didn't  hesitate to capitalize on the opening. He bent down and swiped one of his bamboo sticks at Thea's knees, knocking her legs out from underneath her. Thea hit the mat with a loud thud.

"Ow," She grimaced.

"You lost focus," Oliver explained.

"You don't need to point that out you know. Knocking me on my ass did that just fine," Thea answered irritated. Oliver leaned down and offered her his hand. Thea softened and took it as Oliver hoisted her back onto her feet in one motion.

"What happened? Where'd you go?" Oliver asked.

_***Running Up That Hill by Placebo_

Thea hesitated and looked over his shoulder again. Moira was gone. Thea shook her head a little and answered, "Nowhere. I just didn't sleep well last night."

Oliver's brow furrowed in worry. "Is that all? Any headaches?"

Moira appeared again. She reached out to smooth a piece of Thea's hair behind her. She whispered gently, "You can't tell him sweetheart. He wouldn't understand."

As Moira spoke, hundreds of invisible, whispering voices echoed all around Thea.

"Silence..."

"We need more."

"There's no end."

"Blood for blood."

The swirling sounds were overwhelming and Thea struggled to maintain her focus. She closed her eyes for a moment and breathed deeply. When she opened them, Moira and the voices were gone, but she could feel her head begin to throb.

"No," Thea lied. She chugged a bottle of water to avoid Oliver's gaze, but her hands were shaking ever so slightly.

Concerned Oliver asked, "Have you been meditating? Maybe we should -"

"Ollie! Will you relax? I didn't sleep well. That's all. We don't need to play 20 Questions. I'm meditating. I'm fine," Thea argued.

Satisfied, Oliver dropped it. Captain Lance entered the bunker, with a file in his hand.

"Queen, we need to talk," Lance said grimly.

"Here I thought Ollie was the only person who worked this early," Thea said dryly, tossing Oliver a wry look.

"What's up, Captain?" Oliver asked.

Lance dropped the file down on Felicity's desk. "Got a strange case, and I think it needs a fresh pair of eyes. This is off the books."

"Of course," Oliver said.

"Murder rate has taken an uptick, and that's sayin' somethin' for Star City. At first, I didn't think there was any connection. It seemed completely sporadic, but when I took a second look... there's a pattern."

Oliver flipped open the file and began to read. Captain Lance continued, "Every two to three weeks there's a spike in homicides. Then there's a lull. At first, the gap was as long as a couple months, but now this perp is escalating."

"These victims were killed in a lot of different ways: strangulation, sliced throat, stabbing. There's no singular method, but you think it's a singular killer?" Oliver asked, unconvinced.

Captain Lance answered flatly, "Call it a hunch. Take a look at the victim list."

Oliver peered closer and immediately recognized a few names. He raised his eyebrows in surprise and said, "These are all criminals."

"Seems someone is finding a more permanent solution to Star City's crime problem," Lance said, staring coldly at Oliver.

"This wasn't me or anyone on my team, " Oliver answered defensively, crossing his arms.

"Yeah, I know that. You've changed your ways, but this is a vigilante for sure, which puts it in your jurisdiction."

"We'll look into it," Oliver said.

"Why?" Moira said, appearing suddenly. Her voice startled Thea, and she turned to look at her mother. Moira sauntered over and reviewed the file over Captain Lance's shoulder, a bemused expression on her face.

"A drug dealer. A serial rapist. They seriously consider these people victims?" Moira sneered.

She stepped toward Oliver and brushed her hand softly down the side of his face, but Oliver didn't react. He simply kept talking with Captain Lance. Moira looked coldly at Thea and said, "Seems to me they got what they deserved."

The chanting began again, only louder and more insistent.

"We need more."

"There's no end."

"Blood for blood."

"ENOUGH!" Thea yelled loudly. She closed her eyes and covered her ears with her hands to block out the noise.

Oliver and Captain Lance abruptly stopped speaking. Thea opened her eyes and saw Oliver and Captain Lance staring at her in shock.

"Thea?" Oliver asked, furrowing his brow in concern.

Thea chuckled uncomfortably and awkwardly explained, "Sorry. Didn't realize I said that out loud. I've had the same song on repeat in my head. It's driving me nuts."

"Okay," Oliver slowly said, accepting Thea's answer with some hesitation. He looked at Captain Lance and said, "If there's another player out there, we'll find them."

"Good. That's for you," Lance said pointing to the file.

"I'll have Felicity review it. She may be able to dig a little deeper on those patterns you mentioned."

Thea gathered her stuff. "Yeah, I gotta get to the club, but fill me in tonight okay Ollie?" she said as she hurried out the door.

Lance watched her go and gave Oliver a sidelong glance as he said, "You're starting to look like the normal sibling Queen. Maybe you should look into that."

Oliver stared after Thea and answered softly, "Maybe I should."

_***Here, Now by Andrew Simple_

Oliver returned back to the loft to shower and change into his business suit. After Jessica Danforth's daughter was threatened, she dropped out of the mayoral race. Oliver, confident in his ability to protect himself, chose to step up and ran in her place. Oliver had given Jessica the cogeneration project as a platform to run on, so staying with that, he won the election in a landslide victory.  

Oliver smiled to himself as he remembered Felicity’s early wedding present - changing the name of her company from Palmer Technologies to Queen Inc. Her love and generosity never ceased to amaze him. Thanks to Felicity's support, Queen Inc. began to anonymously donate their excess energy for free to The Glades. His first act as mayor was a huge success and Oliver wanted to use his sky- high popularity to push through Captain Lance's request for a larger police force. He had an early morning meeting with the city council, and he was already running late.

As Oliver stepped into the bedroom, he was surprised to see Felicity still sleeping. Typically, he'd use this opportunity to wake her and start the morning off right, but something stopped him. The truth was, Felicity seemed tired a lot lately, and Oliver decided she needed the rest. He showered quickly and dressed quietly, leaving Felicity to her slumber.

As Oliver fixed himself an omelet, however, Felicity stumbled into the kitchen.. She was still dressed in her pajamas, a light blue tank top that brought out the color of her eyes and polka-dot shorts with a hint of a lace trim along the edge. The rumpled tank top exposed Felicity's toned stomach down to her hip bone. Oliver let his eyes drift over her and silently cursed his morning meeting.

"I overslept," Felicity grumbled as she flopped down on the bar stool. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"So you'd oversleep," Oliver answered. "You've been exhausted lately."

"No I haven't!" Felicity argued. Oliver gave her a pointed look, and she relented, "Okay... maybe a little bit."

"Omelet?" Oliver offered, but froze when Felicity seemed to turn green before his eyes. She leapt from the chair and into the bathroom.  At the sound of Felicity throwing up, Oliver whispered, "Guess not."

He stood outside the bathroom and gently knocked on the bathroom door.

"Felicity? Are you okay," Oliver asked, concern etching his voice.

All he heard in response was grumbled moans, so Oliver promptly opened the door. Felicity was slumped on the floor looking absolutely miserable.

"Ugh, stay away. You don't want to see this," Felicity moaned.

Oliver bent down and wrapped Felicity's arm around his neck.

"In sickness and health, remember?" He softly whispered as he lifted her up into his arms.

"Maybe it was the sushi," Felicity wondered as Oliver carried her back upstairs.

"Well whatever it is, you're taking the day and _night_ off," Oliver ordered as he laid Felicity down in the bed.

"But I have meetings! And the team --"

"The meetings will have to be rescheduled, and the team will be just fine," Oliver countered. Off Felicity's skeptical look he added, "For a night."

He pulled the covers over her and gently kissed her forehead, "Sleep. I'll come back for lunch to make you some soup."

"That's sweet honey, but I can manage."

Oliver gave her a skeptical look and asked, "Felicity... can you make soup?"

Felicity hesitated, and Oliver nodded, "Right. So I'll be back at lunchtime."

"You're making a fuss, you know," Felicity said exasperated.

"I'm your husband. I get to make a fuss," Oliver answered with a wink.

Felicity smiled back at him and said, "I love you."

"I love you too. I'll see you later," Oliver said, and he headed downstairs.

She listened to Oliver bustle around the kitchen a bit, but then Felicity heard the distinctive click of the door as he left.

_***We're All Scared by Tara Simmons_

Felicity snuggled into bed and closed her eyes. She laid there for a moment, in peaceful rest, but unable to sleep. Oliver's comment about the frequency of her exhaustion was nagging at her. Felicity tried to remember the last time she felt... normal.

Suddenly, her eyes flew open. Felicity abruptly sat up and grabbed her phone, opening her calendar. She scanned it quickly and then threw herself out of bed. Felicity piled her hair into a messy bun, grabbed a long overcoat and tossed on some flip flops as she hurried out the door.

She returned shortly carrying a small plastic bag from the drugstore down the street. Felicity slipped into the bathroom, trying to fight the panic welling inside of her. She pulled the pregnancy test from bag and took a deep breath. A constant, repetitive voice in her head said:

_Never late. Never late. Never late. Never late._

She was overreacting. She was sure of it. It was probably just stress. Still, better safe than sorry. Felicity took the stick from the box and momentarily marveled that despite countless scientific advancements, humanity had yet to find a better method for determining pregnancy than peeing on a stick.

After waiting what seemed like the longest three minutes of her life, Felicity picked up the stick.

 _Positive_.

Felicity sank to the floor, her back against the bathroom wall, and whispered, "Frack."

_***Seven Devils by Florence and The Machine_

Oliver, Diggle, Laurel and Thea cautiously walked down a darkened alley. The pavement was slick from a storm earlier in the day, but even the rain couldn't wash away the stench of death. This was the scene of the most recent murder, Carl Draper, the serial rapist. Laurel, dressed as Black Canary, scanned the alley quickly.

"There's nothing here," she said impatiently. "Any evidence was collected and whatever wasn't has been washed away by the storm by now."

"Draper was killed three weeks ago. The killer has been escalating his or her time frame. Whoever killed Draper will strike again and soon," Oliver answered.

" Are we sure Draper was even killed here? The body could have been dumped," Thea offered.

Oliver scanned the brick wall carefully and ran his fingers along the wall. There were scratch marks going up and down the wall.

"He was killed here," Oliver answered softly.

Moira appeared next to Thea and smirked silently. She leaned up against the wall and crossed her arms nonchalantly. Then, Moira turned her head towards Thea at a crooked and sickening angle. Her eyes were rolled into the back of her head and when she spoke it was no longer the voice of her mother, but whispers of thousands of unseen and unknown voices.

"Blood for blood."

Thea gasped when she saw her mother and her hands began to shake. She could feel the blood pumping through her veins, her heart pounding, and a frustrated rage began to quell inside the pit of her stomach. Thea tried to breathe through it, but it was no use. The team looked back at her in surprise.

"What is it?" Diggle asked.

Thea shook her head and said, "Nothing... sorry. I just... I'm surprised the cops missed something like that."

Diggle met Oliver at the wall and said, "Looks like Draper was trying to claw his way out."

Oliver glanced towards the entrance of the alley, "There was no out. Whoever killed him knew what they were doing. His throat was slit, but it was slow. The killer severed the nerves bit by bit so Draper felt everything."

Confused, Laurel asked, "How do you know that?

Oliver coldly answered, "It's a technique used by the League of Assassins."

The team absorbed in shocked silence as they realized that Oliver knew how to kill this way due to his time with the League.

"So the League is back in town? Since when do they care about rapists and murderers in Star City?" Diggle asked.

Oliver shook his head, "I don't know.  What I do know is that someone drove Draper into this location. He was hunted."

The noise was deafening. Thea could no longer hear her own thoughts. All she heard was the chanting. All she felt was the hot blood pulsing through her body until it felt as if her skin would melt off.  The rage began to choke her.  She had to get out of there.

"I'm going to canvass the streets. See if there are any witnesses."

"The League doesn't leave witnesses Thea," Laurel said.

"Since when are you the expert? I've been trained by the League. You trained in a boxing ring," Thea sneered.

Laurel crossed her arms and answered, "And Nyssa. What's the matter with you?"

Thea shook her head and said, "Nothing. This place just gives me the creeps. Call me if you find anything." And she stormed off.

Laurel looked at Oliver in surprise and asked, "What's up with her?"

Oliver, his voice etched with concern, answered, "I don't know. Her fuse has been pretty short today."

"Do you think the bloodlust is back? Diggle asked.

Oliver said gravely, "I don't know what to think but..."

He trailed off, as the hair on his arm prickled against his skin. Oliver began to search the air like an animal who just realized it was prey. He instinctively shifted his body, kneeling to the ground and a bullet suddenly whizzed past him. It grazed his shoulder, but bounced harmlessly off the Kevlar. The bullet smashed into the brick wall, leaving a poof of concrete dust in its wake.

_***Who Are You Really by Mikky Echo_

"DOWN!" Oliver ordered as another shot rang out. The team hit the ground. When there was a pause between shots Oliver jumped to his feet and leapt towards the wall.

"Shots came from the north. I'll track from the roofline. You and Laurel circle around, and we'll box them in," Oliver commanded as he began to scale the wall.

Within moments he reached the rooftop. Oliver quickly scanned the roofline toward the north. There, in the distance, against the shine of the city lights, he saw a glimmer of reflected light from the sniper's scope.

Oliver started to run towards the shooter. Another shot rang out, but he slid against the rooftop in a seamlessly transition. The bullet missed again, and he leapt to his feet without missing a beat. Oliver pulled an arrow from his quiver and aimed it directly at the sniper's location. He knew he hit his mark even before the arrow shattered the scope of the rifle. The shooter dropped the gun and revealed his or her location, now only a few rooftops away.

"North on Ocean and 8th!" Oliver shouted into the comms.

"Copy that!" Diggle answered as he and Laurel took a sharp turn left.

Oliver picked up speed and continued his chase. The shooter and Oliver moved in an elegant, synchronous tangent as they leapt and rolled between the rooftops of Star City. Their bodies were shadows against the sky, unseen to those milling about peacefully on the streets below.

Oliver's confidence surged. He was faster, and he knew it.  Oliver soared slightly higher than the shooter with a final leap. He landed on top of the shooter's back and knocked him to the ground. The shooter fell, but absorbed the hit by rolling onto his back and ending on his knees. He pivoted and stood so Oliver could finally see the shooter clearly.  He was dressed in the full military garb of HIVE- his face covered with a black mask.

The HIVE sniper threw a punch, which Oliver blocked, but soon the two were trading fast and furious blows.  His speed and skill were impressive, and Oliver struggled at first to keep up. He put Oliver in a blood choke, but Oliver slipped from the hold. Oliver flipped the sniper’s body over his back; slamming him hard to the ground. Diggle and Laurel arrived on the rooftop just as Oliver pulled his bow and pointed an arrow at the agent. The sniper held his hands up in surrender.

"Who are you?" Oliver demanded. The voice of The Green Arrow was low, guttural and completely disguised. The sniper was silent.

Diggle pulled his gun, pointed it at the agent for cover and nodded to Oliver. Oliver lowered his bow, bent down and removed the mask from the agent. He stumbled back in shock.

Laurel gasped, "Tommy?"

Tommy didn't look at Laurel. His glaring eyes never left Oliver. He reached for the gun at his holster, but Oliver quickly disarmed him. Without hesitation, Oliver delivered a crushing blow to Tommy's face and knocked him out cold.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s not necessary to read Once and Forever Queen first, but it would be helpful. 
> 
> ***Music I listened to while writing the story

_***Ashes to Ashes by Audiomachine_

As Oliver and Diggle dragged Tommy's unconscious body into the bunker, Oliver heard the click, click, click of Felicity's heels. He looked up in surprise and said, "What are you doing here?"

Felicity sighed exasperated, "Oliver, when you call me to tell me your best friend just came back from the dead that trumps my night off. Besides it was just a little morning- I mean... sickness that happened in the morning and by the afternoon was totally gone, but I don't think it was specific to the morning so I'm totally fine. Probably just a little virus."

Oliver barely heard Felicity's rambling. For the first time she was relieved his listening skills were so lacking. "What the hell happened?" she asked, motioning to a knocked out Tommy.

"I hit him. Hard," Oliver answered.

Felicity went to a drawer and pulled out a syringe with a vial. "How hard?" she asked.

Oliver considered for a moment, but then took the vial from her, "Hard enough I'm confident he won't wake up, but not confident enough to risk you.”

Oliver and Diggle set Tommy down on the table, and Oliver drew Tommy's blood. He handed the vial to Felicity, and she headed towards her desk to run the blood sample. Oliver and Diggle picked up Tommy again and put him in the glass cage.

"What the hell are you doing?" Laurel demanded, crossing her arms.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Oliver answered tersely as he laid Tommy down in the cage, shutting the door.

"Oliver... that's Tommy. You are not locking Tommy up like some animal," Laurel argued.

"Laurel... he tried to kill Oliver," Diggle said.

"I know I didn't know Tommy all that well, but that doesn't seem like the thing he typically use to do," Felicity offered gently.

Oliver didn't answer Laurel. Instead he stared at Tommy lying unconscious in the cage.

"How the hell is he back?" Diggle asked.

"Pretty sure Oliver will have that explanation," Laurel answered icily. This got Oliver's attention, and he turned his body slowly towards Laurel.

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?" he asked in disbelief.

"You told me he was dead," Laurel shouted angrily.

"Laurel, as far as I knew he was dead," Oliver answered tensely.

"Yeah, you've used that lie before... with Sara," Laurel shot back, tears springing to her eyes.

"Laurel!" Felicity warned, her voice stern.

"Tommy died right in front of me. Just like Sara. Do you really think I would have kept either one of them from you if I had the power to bring them home?" Oliver answered, his voice cracking just slightly with emotion.

"Think Laurel. You saw his body," Diggle urged.

"Then how? Please, someone... explain this to me," Laurel begged.

"The pit."

The team turned and there stood Thea, still dressed as Speedy, her mask in one hand. She was staring at Tommy with a mixture of shock, but also sadness.

"She's right. That's the only explanation," Oliver agreed.

"Somehow... he's HIVE so that means...," Diggle trailed off and stared sadly at Felicity.

She swallowed hard and finished, "My father is involved."

_***The Hunted by Snow Ghosts_

Tommy groaned inside the cage as he came to. He opened his eyes slowly and remained still for a moment, staring into space, a blank expression on his face.  Then, he slowly rose to his feet and smirked at Oliver.

"That was some right cross," he mused. He put his hands on the glass and pressed against it, testing it. Oliver answered him with a stony silence.

"Tommy," Laurel anxiously whispered. She moved towards the cage, but Oliver put his arm in front of her, blocking her from moving any closer.

Tommy tilted his head to the side as if considering her. A slow, even, cold smile spread across his face as he said, "Dinah Laurel Lance. Always trying to save the world. Guess the world didn't include me."

Laurel looked like he punched her in the gut. Tommy chuckled and sat down in the cage nonchalantly. "I have to admit I was surprised. When I returned to Starling City - I mean, Star City, I fully expected a name change for you."

"What do you mean?" Laurel whispered softly.

"I mean... Dinah. Laurel. Queen," Tommy answered coldly.

An awkwardness fell over the room.

"We're not... Oliver and I...," Laurel stammered.

"Not together. I know. How come? Really. I'm a little curious," Tommy asked.

Laurel glanced at Oliver, whose stony gaze hadn't broken from Tommy. Tearfully she answered, "You died."

Tommy considered this for a moment and then burst out laughing, "Seriously? That's the reason? You two have no problem screwing when I'm alive, but when I'm dead it's suddenly a problem?"

The tension in the room was thick as Tommy laughed and laughed. Laurel fell silent. Then, Tommy sneered, "Come on, Laurel. You can be honest. He passed you over for another blonde again, didn't he?"

Felicity shifted her weight uneasily, suddenly very aware of her wedding band as Tommy's eyes fell upon her. She twisted it nervously.  

"Is that why you colored your hair?" Tommy mocked.  Humiliated and hurt, Laurel looked away.

_***Losing Your Memory by Ryan Starr_

"Enough," Oliver said softly, and Tommy turned his attention to his old friend. He rose from the floor, so he could look Oliver in the eye.

The two men regarded each other in silence as Oliver stared hard into Tommy's eyes. There was a deadness to them, as if all light had been snuffed out from inside him, despite his miraculous resurrection. Oliver realized he'd seen that look before. Then, suddenly, it clicked.

"This isn't Tommy," Oliver knowingly said. The smile faded from Tommy's face.

Laurel furrowed her brow and asked, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"He has absolutely no idea who we are," Oliver explained confidently.

"How the hell do you know that?" Diggle said.

"Because I know Tommy Merlyn," Oliver answered. He looked over at Laurel softly and said, "And he could never hurt you."

"You don't know me. Not anymore," Tommy sneered, but there was a hesitation in his voice.

"When your mother died, I told you she was an angel. Do you remember what you said to me?"

Tommy could only answer Oliver with silence.

"Who are you?" Oliver, demanded menacingly.

Diggle pulled Oliver gently by the arm, away from Tommy and out of earshot. Laurel, Felicity and Thea followed and formed a semicircle around them.

"Oliver, I know this is difficult, but it's been three years. We don't know what's happened to him. People change, man. If anyone can understand that it's you," Diggle countered, in a hushed tone.

"Malcolm Merlyn used a drug on Thea once --"

"Votura. It's how he convinced me to kill Sara," Thea interrupted, the guilt emanating from the pain in her voice.

"The video Malcolm showed me of... Thea killing Sara," Oliver stumbled over the words, the sentence still difficult to get out even after all this time, "You were completely under his control. You had the same dead expression in your eyes. Just like Tommy has now."

"And I didn't remember anything," Thea whispered, peering closely at Tommy, wondering if Oliver was right.

Felicity stepped away and pulled up the results of Tommy's blood test. She quickly scanned it.  She looked up and said, "Uhh... he's right. That's not Tommy."

"What?" Laurel asked.

"I mean... it's Tommy. DNA is a match. But he doesn't _know_ he's Tommy.  Somebody has been playing some serious Weird Science on him," Felicity explained as she peered closer at the results. "There's levels of - whoa,"

"What is it?" Oliver asked.

"We keep files on all known toxins and drugs - including Votura. The primary chemical in the Votura plant is Scopolamine," Felicity explained.

"What the hell is Scopolamine?" Laurel asked.

"It's a powerful psychotropic.  It's what wipes a person's memory and leaves them open to suggestion. Tommy's blood work shows extremely high levels of Scopolamine."

"And by extremely high levels you mean...?" Diggle asked.

Felicity took a deep breath and answered, "Almost 50 times the typical dosage."

Everyone took a moment to let this sink in.

"There are other chemicals present too, chemicals not found in Votura," Felicity continued.

"Such as?" Oliver asked

"A few stimulants, a couple nootropics -"

"What are those?" Laurel asked.

"They help with memory retention. But... that's not what's really alarming me."

"Really? There's something more alarming than mind control?" Oliver asked.

"Yeah. Tommy has traces of Clozapine in his system. That's an antipsychotic."

"Yup. That's way more alarming," Oliver muttered.

"We're getting out of my depth here. I'm going to send this to Caitlin for further analysis, but I don't think he knows who he is Oliver. I don't think he knows who any of us are," Felicity explained.

"Then how does he know all those... things about us?" Laurel asked.

"Recon. Nothing he said isn't anything a good HIVE agent couldn't find out," Diggle answered.

"Or be told. My father has been watching me for years. He probably has files on everyone in my life, including you, Laurel. And God knows he did his homework on Oliver," Felicity said.

"A mind-control drug? I thought computers are more his thing," Laurel questioned.

Felicity shrugged, "My father is a genius. He probably considered it a hobby."

There was a touch of admiration in her voice. Everyone gave Felicity a look, so she hastily added, "An insane genius."

"Votura is used by the League of Assassins, and Damien Darhk was trained by the League," Oliver added.

"Just so I'm clear... Darhk has been pumping this crap into Tommy's system for how long? Three years? Controlling him? Stripping him of his memories, of who he was? For what?" Diggle fumed.

"I don't know, but I'm going to find out," Oliver answered menacingly.

"I should have put a bullet in him when I had the chance," Diggle growled. When he realized what he said, Diggle looked at Felicity apologetically. "I'm sorry, Felicity. I shouldn't have said that."

"I am the one who should have put a bullet in him, John. Not you," Felicity resolutely said.

Oliver glanced at Felicity in concern, surprised to hear her say this. Laurel stepped towards the cage, only this time Oliver didn't stop her. She tearfully asked, "What's your name?"

For a moment, Tommy didn't say anything, considering his options. Then, the facade slipped away, and he became almost robotic as he answered in a hollow tone, "I am Agent 94."

Laurel looked at Felicity helplessly and asked, "Can you help him? Can you get this out of his system?"

Felicity took Laurel's hand and squeezed it to reassure her, "Without the drug, Tommy will go through withdrawal. There's really nothing to do, but wait.”

"Like detox," Laurel answered somberly, remembering her own path to sobriety.

"Yes."

Laurel asked, "How long?"

Felicity considered and ran some quick math in her head, "Twenty four hours... maybe forty eight. But Laurel... I should warn you. Given the levels of Scopolamine in his system, the withdrawal will be painful. Someone will need to watch him."

"I'll stay with him," Laurel said firmly.

Oliver suddenly realized Thea had been absolutely silent, staring at Tommy. Oliver walked towards her and gently touched her shoulder, breaking her out of her trance. "Hey, are you alright?"

Thea shrugged tearfully and lightly said, "Sure. Having a brother come back from the dead is old hat to me now."

"Thea --"

"Do you think he went into the pit?" she asked suddenly. "Like me?"

"I don't know, Thea. Ra's told me that Damien stole some of the Lazarus Pit waters when he left the League. It's been keeping him alive all this time."

"But Tommy was dead. Wouldn't he have to be submerged into the pit?"

"I don't know," Oliver said softly.

Thea shook her head angrily, "But we know who would."

Oliver shook his head firmly and said, "No. Absolutely not. Merlyn cannot know Tommy is alive. Not yet. He's a complication we cannot afford until we get Tommy's memories back."

"You don't know that they will come back, Ollie. Mine never did."

"The nootropics could limit the memory loss," Felicity said, jumping in. Off Thea's disbelieving look, Felicity added, "Just a guess."

"Why would Darhk do that?" Thea asked.

Oliver thought for a moment, then his eyes widened as he realized the answer. With great sadness he said, "So Tommy would remember... to torture him."

Felicity murmured, "It's as if..."

"What?" Oliver asked, peering at her quizzically.

"I don't know. I was just going to say... it's as if he knew this day would come. That eventually he'd lose control over Tommy, and he'd stop taking the drug."

"Maybe Darhk knew it because he planned it this way," Diggle added. "There's a bigger picture here Oliver."

"Yeah. I know. But we're not going to see it without Tommy's help."

"But maybe Malcolm could -"

"Thea, I know you want to know what happened to Tommy and so do I, but do not go to your father with questions. Not yet. We'll find answers another way."

"How?"

"From Tommy. If ... _when_ his memories return. We just have to wait."

Moira suddenly appeared next to the glass cage, looking down at Tommy. The chanting began to grow louder and louder again... louder than Thea had ever heard it before.

_"Blood for blood."_

"Did you get any information on Draper? Any witnesses?" Oliver asked. When Thea didn't answer he pressed, "Thea?"

"Hmm? Oh. Sorry. No. I didn't," she paused and then said, "You know Ollie. I am feeling a little overwhelmed I think. I'm gonna go home and get some sleep."

"Sure. That's a good idea. I'll call you as soon as the drugs wear off."

"Okay. And Ollie?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't tell Tommy yet. About me. I want to be the one to do it," Thea said.

"Of course."

They hugged, and Oliver watched as Thea left. Diggle stepped to his side and said, "I think it's pretty clear who the killer is."

"You don't know that, John," Laurel stubbornly said.

Diggle held up his hands in an offer of peace, "I'm not saying it's his fault, Laurel, but it's obvious Darhk has trained Tommy as an assassin. Oliver thought it was the League. These murders were assassinations. It all connects."

"But why would my father want those criminals dead? Doesn't seem like cleaning up the streets of Star City would be a priority for him," Felicity wondered aloud.

"We'll know soon enough," Oliver said sadly as Tommy sat down on the floor again; staring blankly into space, a world away.

_***Smoke and Mirrors by Agnes Obel_

Thea returned to her apartment. Moira was there, sitting on her couch. Thea closed her eyes again, willing her mother to go away, but when she opened them her mother remained.

"It's no use my darling," Moira said softly.

"Tommy's alive," Thea answered.

"I know."

"How?"

"I'm not here for Tommy. I'm here for you."

"I'm so tired, Mommy," Thea whispered tearfully.

"I know," Moira patted the seat next to her, and Thea crawled onto the couch, curling into the fetal position. She rested her head on her mother's lap. Moira began to softly stroke her hair.

"My head hurts so much... the voices... I can't make them stop," Thea said.

"Shhh, shhhh. There, there my love. Yes, you can. You can make them stop," Moira offered gently.

"No. I can't do that anymore," Thea said firmly, as tears dripped down her face.

"Sweetheart, I am only trying to help you. Like before. Why won't you let me?"

Thea sat up and said, "I don't want to be bad, Mom. I don't want to be a killer."

Moira stroked her daughter's face, and Thea closed her eyes, letting herself be comforted by her mother's touch, "You're not killing, Thea. You are surviving."

With tears streaming down her face, Thea said, "You're not really here. I'm losing my mind aren't I?"

Moira pulled Thea close and laid her back down, so her head was resting in her lap. Once again she began to stroke her daughter's hair.

"You will, sweetheart. If you don't listen to me."

Tired of fighting, Thea closed her eyes, letting her mother lull the voices in her head, and she fell into a deep slumber.

_***Devil Devil by MILCK_

Damien Darhk waited on the roof of the old Merlyn Global skyscraper. Malcolm Merlyn appeared from the shadows. While aware of his presence, Damien didn't turn and continued to survey the city.

"Always the magician," Darhk chuckled.

"I don't appreciate being summoned," Merlyn answered, dressed in a business suit and not his league attire.

Darhk finally turned and cocked his head mockingly, "Please, Malcolm. Let's forget the posturing."

"It's not posturing. I'm done with you. Tommy is in Oliver Queen's possession. Not yours," Merlyn sneered.

"Don't forget your vow to me, Malcolm," Damien warned.

"The hell with my vow. The hell with you," Malcolm said defiantly, and he turned to leave.

"The only reason Oliver has your son is because I willed it to be so."

This stopped Malcolm cold, and he turned to face Damien again.

Damien smiled, "I thought that'd get your attention."

"What do you want?"

The smile faded from Damien's face, "Oliver Queen took everything from me. I want your help taking everything from him."

"And if I don't?"

"Then I will take everything from you," Damien threatened.

Malcolm considered and then answered, "You have no leverage, Darhk. Your precious HIVE is gone. You no longer control my son. You have no power. Over me... over anyone."

"Don't I?" Damien asked quizzically. "I may not have your son at the moment, that's true, but I still have something you want."

"And what's that?"

Damien casually examined his cuticles, bored by Malcolm's inability to see the big picture. "First, I want you to give me the League of Assassins."

Malcolm burst out laughing, "You're joking."

Damien grew solemn, "I never joke, Merlyn. Give me the League, and in exchange I will give you what you've always wanted."

Damien held up a small bottle filled with green pills.

"What the hell are those?"

Damien glanced at the bottle and said, "You see Merlyn... I want to change the world, but you want to control it."

"What's the difference?"

"Trust me, old friend, there's a world of difference."

"I'm going to ask you one more time. What's in the bottle?"

Damien tossed the bottle at Merlyn who caught it effortlessly.

"It's Votura... well... sort of."

Malcolm rolled his eyes in disgust, "I don't need you for Votura. I've got a whole damn field of it in Corto Maltese."

"You don't have this. I've enhanced Votura. It makes what you used on Thea look like a simple magic trick."

"What do you mean enhanced it?" Malcolm asked.

"I added a few thing... played with the dosage."

"Added? Such as?"

"This and that. I removed a few pesky side effects - like the memory loss. I find it's better if people remember what they've done."

"Why?"

"So they _want_ to forget. But totally up to you. We can omit that from the formula if you desire. There's some addictive properties that will make people come back for more...," Darhk paused for effect, his eyes glimmering with excitement, "But the best part, of course, is long-term sustained use."

"What?" Merlyn asked, completely shell shocked. "How?"

"Simple. I'm a genius."

Merlyn stared at the bottle in silence, contemplating the possibilities.

"I have one of my factories ready to mass produce. Mix it into the water supply, and you can control any city... anyone you want. Just give me the League."

"Or maybe I'll just kill you and take the formula," Merlyn threatened, stepping menacingly towards Damien.

Unafraid, Damien chuckled, "As if I haven't accounted for that. I have contingencies built on contingencies. If I disappear, so does the formula."

"And you won't challenge me," Merlyn said knowingly.

Damien shrugged, "No. While I am confident I would beat you, I never wanted to be Ra's Al Ghul. I still don't. Present circumstances being what they are, however, have made the League a necessity."

"Meaning most of your HIVE agents are spending the better part of their lives behind bars."

"Yes. Thanks to Oliver Queen. So, what I'm looking for is more of a partnership, Malcolm."  

"Believe me... I am interested, but I have a question."

"Ask away."

Why didn't you use this drug on your HIVE agents?"

Damien's smile faded as he explained, "Because I didn't have to. I had a cause those men believed in. They joined HIVE because they wanted to. Any master can control a dog on a leash. But a dog who obeys without the leash? That's real power.  That's real control. Belief, however, takes time, Malcolm. Time I do not have."

"The League gives me all the power and control I want. I am Ra's Al Ghul."

Damien burst out laughing, "Is that suppose to be funny? Oliver Queen bestowed the title on you. Ra's died by his blade. Oliver Queen is Heir to the Demon. There isn't a member who wouldn't follow him if he commanded it... and _you know that, Malcolm."_

Malcolm fell silent, the truth settled around him like sand after an anchor lands on the ocean floor. He stepped towards the edge of the roof and stared down at the city he once tried to destroy. Damien stepped closer, just behind Malcolm's back, and began to whisper fervently in his ear. Damien's breath was hot against Malcolm's neck, the words searing into his soul like a branding iron to his skin.

"What you have is the illusion of power. I offer you something far greater... control. You want this city to hurt. To feel as powerless as you did the night your beloved died. You can bend Star City to your will. Mold it as you see fit."

Malcolm held the pills up to the sky. The moonlight shimmered through the clear bottle, casting a sickly green shadow against Malcolm's face. A smile began to slowly spread over Malcolm's face as he listened to Damien's voice. Darhk needed no confirmation. He already knew Malcolm's answer. As he slipped away, he called out to Malcolm, who was still stared at the bottle as if transfixed.

"Do you know what Votura means Malcolm?"

"It means the Devil's Breath," Malcolm answered softly, almost to himself.

And with that, Damien Darhk slipped back into the night as Malcolm pondered the power, and all its possibilities, that he held in his hand.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s not necessary to read Once and Forever Queen first, but it would be helpful. 
> 
> ***Music I listened to while writing the story

_***The End by Levi Weaver_

Tommy's detox went much faster than Felicity anticipated. Within a few hours, he was experiencing withdrawals. He radiated heat from the fever ravaging his body. Yet, he shivered as if freezing to death.

Laurel kept watch, never leaving his side, as Oliver and Diggle searched for Damien Darhk. She wiped the sweat from his drenched body with a cool cloth. Delirious from fever, Tommy would cry out in pain or speak in strange languages Laurel knew he had no earthly way of knowing.  All she could do was hold his hand, hoping it somehow tethered him to this world and to this life.

"He's in pain," Laurel said anxiously.

Felicity swiveled around in her chair, breaking from her communication with Diggle and Oliver, who were out searching for Darhk.

"He was on a pretty high dose of that drug," Felicity explained.

"Why?"

Felicity shrugged and answered, "I'm not sure. Maybe... it didn't work at first? Maybe my father needed the higher dosage to control Tommy.  Maybe he developed a tolerance to it over time. It could be any number of factors."

“Is there anything we can do for his pain?" Laurel asked.

She looked at Laurel sympathetically and said, "I have some morphine."

Felicity stood and walked toward one of the metal drawers where first-aid supplies were kept. She plunged a syringe into a small bottle of morphine and expertly excised the drug. She knelt gently at Tommy's side, and Laurel steadied his arm. Just as Felicity was about to sink the syringe into Tommy's skin, he suddenly broke from Laurel's hold and fiercely grabbed Felicity's wrist.  Surprised, Felicity gasped.

"No drugs," Tommy commanded firmly. He voice was weak but confident. His eyes opened, and the crystal blue focused on Felicity bright and clear. Just as quickly as he grabbed Felicity's wrist, Tommy released it gently. Felicity nodded in understanding and stepped away.

"Tommy?" Laurel whispered.

Tommy turned his head so he could look Laurel in the eye. For a moment, he could only stare at her, as if every feature and curve was a memory lost and now found.

"Laurel?"

"Yeah... it's me."

"You changed your hair."

Laurel laughed through her tears and said, "I did."

Tommy smiled softly at her and said, "I like it." Then he paused and looked at his surroundings in bewilderment. "Where am I?"

Laurel kissed his hand and answered, "Home. You're home, Tommy."

As the tears began to stream down her face, Laurel rested her head on Tommy's chest. Wordlessly, he gently stroked her hair, a sad and far away expression on his face. It was when he tried to put his other arm around her that he finally noticed the handcuffs on his left arm. They clanged against the metal bed frame as Tommy tested their strength.

"I'm sorry about those... we thought it would be best to be on the safe side," Felicity explained.

"On account that I tried to kill you all?" Tommy answered ruefully. "Good call."

"You remember?" Laurel asked, sitting up.

Tommy nodded, "Yes. It's coming back in splices. It's like a dream, and I'm standing outside of myself... just watching."

"Ah ha! Nootropics! I knew it!" Felicity exclaimed with a flourish. Off Tommy and Laurel's stunned expression, she sheepishly added, "I mean... that's awful."

"Yeah... believe me. I wish I could forget," Tommy whispered, his voice filled with shame.

Laurel sat up and put a hand to Tommy's cheek, "Whatever happened... whatever you've done... it wasn't your fault. You were sick," but Tommy wouldn't look at Laurel.

"I'll take them off --" Felicity moved towards the bed, but Tommy interrupted her.

"No. Don't. Leave them," he ordered firmly.

Confused, Laurel asked, "Why?"

Just as he was about to answer her, another wave of pain hit Tommy causing his body to convulse. Tommy gritted his teeth and moaned. It was if every nerve in his body was on fire.

"Tommy... let us help you. Take the morphine," Laurel begged.

"No. Absolutely not. No more drugs. Never again."

The wave of pain subsided, and Tommy was able to breathe again.

"I've radioed Oliver and Diggle. They are on their way," Felicity softly said.

Tommy nodded a thank you to Felicity and said, "Felicity Smoak... it's good to see you again."

"It's good to see you too, Tommy."

"What happened?" Laurel asked gently.

Tommy shook his head and said, "No... we'll wait for Ollie. Tell me about you."

"I'll give you two some privacy," Felicity said as she left them.

"So you know..." Tommy said as he motioned towards the bunker.

Laurel nodded and said, "Yeah. I know."

"When did Ollie tell you?"

Laurel laughed dryly and answered, "He didn't. It was a man named Slade Wilson."

Tommy furrowed his brow in confusion, and Laurel waved him off, "It's a long story."

"So you find out Ollie is The Hood, and you suit up?" Tommy asked softly, a light teasing tone in his voice as he nodded towards the Black Canary suit in the glass case. "Not that I'm complaining about the leather."

Laurel laughed a little and wiped a tear from her eye, "Well... it didn't happen quite that way."

"What way did it happen?" Tommy winced again from pain. When Laurel hesitated he added, "If you want to help with the pain you can distract me."

"Not sure that will work, Tommy."

"Yeah it will. The sound of your voice relaxes me."

Laurel swallowed hard and took a deep breath. She started slowly, but soon everything that happened after Tommy's death came tumbling out of her. She told him everything - Oliver leaving town, the drinking, the drugs, losing her license... Sara. Laurel didn't realize how much she needed to tell someone. Tommy listened in absolute silence, breathing through his pain when the waves hit, but never once did he let go of Laurel's hand. When she was finished, Tommy didn't say a word. He simply squeezed her hand tightly in gently reassurance.

Then, Oliver and Diggle, back from their fruitless search for Damien Darhk, entered the bunker with Felicity. Oliver, dressed as the Green Arrow, stopped short when he saw Tommy.

Without missing a beat, Tommy said, "The Ninja Turtles called. They want their suit back."

Oliver face broke out slowly into a big, wide smile, "Tommy."

"Hey Ollie," Tommy answered softly, his body still weak.

Oliver quickly walked over and knelt down to give Tommy a hug.

"I'd return the favor, but..." Tommy said but shook his hand against the handcuff.

"I'll take those off right now," Oliver offered.

"No... don't," Tommy said quickly, a hint of fear in his voice.

Oliver studied him closely and asked, "What happened to you, Tommy? Where have you been?"

Tommy stared off into space and answered, "Everywhere... and nowhere."

"I think I've been there before," Oliver responded softly.

With tears in his yes, Tommy looked at his old friend and said, "You should have told me."

"Told you what?"

"What hell is like."

His words hung in the air like a cold wind had swept through the bunker.

"What happened to you Tommy... after you were... gone," Oliver haltingly said, every word an effort.

Tommy took a deep breath and said, "I woke up in a strange building, in a strange room lying in a strange bed. I didn't know where I was. I didn't know _who_ I was. Everything was all... jumbled. It lasted for days. Or maybe it was weeks. I don't know. There was only one thing, blindingly clear... I felt this... rage."

"We think whoever brought you back used something called the Lazarus Pit. The rage is a bloodlust. It's a side effect of the pit --"

"I know what the Lazarus Pit is, Ollie. I know about all of it," Tommy interrupted.

"Tell me."

"There was a man. His name was Damien Darhk. He told me he could help me control the rage. He said he could teach me how to fight... how to kill. He said it was the only way to remain truly free. So, I told him..."

Tommy faltered, and Laurel pressed him, "What did you tell him Tommy?"

Tommy smiled a little at the memory, "I told him to go to hell."

A small ripple of laughter flowed through the group and for the first time, Tommy's muscles relaxed, "I had started to remember things. You, Ollie... Laurel. I knew I had to find my way back home. I even tried to escape once, but I was on --"

"An island?" Felicity offered.

Tommy looked at her in surprise and said, "Yeah. How'd you know that?"

"I'm pretty sure it's the same one I was on."

Tommy gave Oliver a wry look and asked, "Seriously? So what... is there a group rate? Do you get a free stay if you refer a friend?"

"Your island is not my island, Tommy. Your island has heat and running water. It's practically Disney World next to Lian Yu."

"Hey!" Felicity crossed her arms defiantly. "There was suffering. I suffered!"

"Yes, of course you did honey,” Oliver answered sympathetically.

“The 600-thread-count sheets were nice though," Felicity winked affectionately back at Oliver and he smiled.

Clearly amused by their banter, Tommy asked, "So how'd you end up there?"

"Damien Darhk is my father," Felicity answered bluntly.

Tommy whistled low, "Oh wow. That sucks. I guess I should welcome you to the Crappy Fathers Club."

"There's a club?" asked Felicity.

"Sure! I'm the president, but there's a VP spot open. No badges, but there is a fair amount of drinking."

Felicity laughed and said, "The drinking sounds good."

"Good. Maybe we can have a beer and compare war stories," Tommy said winking.

"You didn't know Darhk was Felicity's father?" Diggle asked suspiciously.

Tommy shook his head, "No. My skills were used for ‘special projects’. I was called in to remove obstacles to HIVE's goals. There would be no reason for Damien to give me that information… unless he wanted me to kill his daughter."

"Give him time," Felicity said bitterly. "I destroyed his life's work, so he's probably pretty pissed at me."

Suddenly Oliver asked, "What you said earlier... Darhk told you he could help you remain free. What did that mean?"

"He injected the Lazarus Pit water directly into my heart. That's how he brought me back to life. Damien explained there was a cost... a price, and I had to pay it."

"The bloodlust," Oliver answered thinking of Thea.

"Yes, the bloodlust is the price, but Damien explained how the bloodlust worked."

"So how does it work?" Oliver asked.

Tommy took a deep breath, "Darhk told me when someone uses the Lazarus Pit they are bonded to it mystically. The pit restores your body, but creates an imbalance in nature by doing so. The balance must be restored. You have to repay blood with blood. The rage grows inside until you are compelled to kill. A life for a life. Blood is the only thing that will satisfy the spirits, but... it never ends. As long as you live, as long as you breathe air... this is the cost. The pit gives you your body, but in return it wants your soul."

"You can control it, Tommy," Laurel said confidently. "We'll help you. Ollie will teach you."

Tommy laughed bitterly, "You're kidding right? You can't control the bloodlust."

"Yes, you can. When Thea went into the pit --" Oliver started to explain but Tommy sat up in horror.

"What do you mean Thea went into the pit?"

"Last year, she almost died. It's a long story. A man named Ra's Al Ghul offered the pit to save Thea if --"

Tommy closed his eyes and whispered, "Mother of God."

"What?" Laurel asked alarmed. "What is it?"

Tommy opened his eyes again, his voice grave and severe as he said, "Ollie... listen to me very carefully. You cannot control the bloodlust. The bloodlust controls you. I didn't automatically start killing people when Damien Darhk told me all of this. I thought the guy was a complete nut job. But then... the voices started."

Oliver looked at Tommy warily, "What spirits?"

"The spirits of the pit called out to me."

"What are you talking about?" Oliver asked, his eyes widening in concern.

"The pit requires balances. Body, mind and soul. The spirits returned your body. If you don't repay them with your soul... then they take your mind. If you ignore the bloodlust, the spirits of the pit haunt you. I heard their voices constantly. It was never ending. Then... I started to see..." Tommy faltered.

"What did you see?" Oliver asked softly.

"It's not important. The point is, it doesn't go away. The voices slowly start to drive you insane. The only way to make them stop is to answer the bloodlust. To kill. When I refused..."

"Damien forced the mind control drug on you," Felicity finished. "So he could make you kill."

"He didn't go to all that trouble saving me to be left with a lunatic. He needed me for something. I knew that at least. But you're wrong about something, Felicity."

"What?" She asked.

Tommy took a deep breath and answered, " He didn't force me to take the mind-control drug. I took it willingly. I was... the voices, the madness... it was unbearable. I was in a hell beyond any imagining. Damien told me the drug would help me. It would give me peace. I knew there was more to it than that. I knew I couldn't trust him, but I just didn't care anymore. I just wanted it to stop."

"So he turned you into an assassin for HIVE. A killing machine. So your bloodlust was always under control. So, he could control you," Diggle finished.

Tommy nodded, "Yes." He motioned to the handcuffs and said, "The bloodlust is always there. If I don't kill then the voices will come back. I will go mad. I'll be a danger to myself and to everyone around me. That's why I said to leave the handcuffs on."

"I don't understand. Thea... she's been fine. We've trained together. She's learned how to control it," Oliver said stubborn, desperate to hold onto the belief that his sister was alright.

"Listen to me, Ollie. If Thea is exhibiting any signs of control, it either means she's lying or she's killing. And if she's not killing..."

"Then she's going insane," Oliver whispered fearfully. He looked at Felicity gravely, "I called her tonight to help search for Darhk, but she wasn't picking up her phone."

Tommy swiveled his feet over the bed and said, "We have to go find her. Right now. Get these damn things off me."

Oliver looked at him skeptically.

Off his look, Tommy explained, "It will take a day or two for the bloodlust to rebuild. When I start to fight it, the voices will return, but I'll be fine until then. Trust me Ollie... I'm the only person who knows what she's going through. I think I can help her."

Without a second thought, Oliver slipped the key into the handcuffs and freed Tommy. He stood up quickly, but his body was still weak. He quickly fell back onto the bed. Laurel reached for him in concern, but Oliver stepped forward. He bent down and put Tommy's arm around his shoulder. His muscles flexed under the strain of lifting Tommy to his feet.

"We'll help her together. Okay?"

Tommy nodded in agreement and leaned on Oliver as they made their way out of the bunker, with the team close behind them.

_***Gasoline by Halsey_

When they reached Thea's loft, just a few doors down from Oliver and Felicity's,  Oliver shifted Tommy to Diggle's shoulders for support. Oliver pounded on the door.

"Thea! It's Oliver! Open the door Thea! Open the door right now!"

For a moment there wasn't any sound, but then Thea called out.

"Go away Ollie!"

"I'm coming in!" Oliver said firmly.

"I've got a spare key. Let me just run over to our loft --" Felicity started, but was immediately interrupted as Oliver kicked down the door. Startled Felicity said, "Or... we can do it that way."

Oliver entered the loft, and his heart sank. All the windows were broken, like someone had driven a fist through them. The cracked glass allowed a cold wind to blow through the apartment, which was in complete disarray. It was if someone had ransacked the apartment in a rage. Every mirror was shattered. The pillows on Thea's couch were ripped open, and there slashes through fabric.

And there... in the center of the room was Thea. She was sitting on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest, rocking back and forth. Her hand, covered in blood, held a sharp, jagged piece of a shattered mirror. The team followed Oliver into the loft, and Felicity gasped when she saw Thea. Immediately, Felicity moved toward her, but Oliver put his hand in front of her waist to stop her.

"Don't," Tommy ordered as he eased off of Diggle's shoulders. His strength was returning, and he was finally able to stand on his own. "No sudden movements."

"Thea?" Oliver asked cautiously, eyeing her warily.

Thea finally looked at her brother. Her streaming tears left black mascara streaks down her face. Her eyes were bloodshot from pure exhaustion. The carefully crafted facade she'd worked so hard to create was gone in an instant. All that was left was the sound of the voices and the reflection of Thea's own madness.

"I can't make it stop. I tried. I tried to be good, Ollie," Thea whispered fiercely, shivering in the cold wind.

"I know you did. You are good, Thea," Oliver said, speaking to Thea as if she were a child. "I would never think any differently."

"Yes... you would. If you knew what I did..."

"I know what you did," Oliver said. "It doesn't change anything. You are still my sister."

Thea shook her head and stood. Her rapid movement caused everyone to take a step back. She began to pace in bizarre patterns as driven by invisible force.

"No. I have to stop. I have to make it stop," Thea stammered. She stopped in the center of the room and held the broken glass to her wrist. "This will make it stop."

"No!" Oliver stepped forward, but his movement startled Thea. She held the shattered glass in front of her, threatening Oliver with it. Diggle put his hand on his gun, but Tommy shook his head no, and he eased his hand away.

"You can't stop me, Ollie. They need blood... I have to give it to them!"

"I know," Tommy said. He stepped forward cautiously, his hands held up in front of them. "Thea... who do you see?"

Thea looked at Tommy in surprise, "Ho--... how do you know?"

"Because I'm connected to The Lazarus Pit too. We're the same."

Thea let out a sob of relief, "You can hear them too?"

"I can Thea," Tommy lied. "But I can't see whoever you see. Can you tell me?

With her lower lip trembling, Thea looked over Oliver's shoulder where Moira stood. "My mom."

The room fell silent at Thea’s confession as everyone looked at Oliver. He didn’t speak, or move… he barely breathed. He was afraid any reaction from him would send Thea off the cliff she was dangling on. Yet, the profound sadness reflected in his eyes conveyed the depth of his grief.

"Okay. Now... Thea, I know this will be hard for you to understand, but your Mom isn't really there."

"No! She is!"

"They can't understand, sweetie. This is what you have to do," Moira whispered softly.

Thea's attention diverted to Moira, and Tommy noticed her distraction.

"What is she telling you?"

"That... I have to do this."

"Kill?"

"Yes."

"Thea... Mom would never hurt anyone," Oliver said adamantly. Off Felicity and Diggle's skeptical look, Oliver rephrased, "She would never ask _you_ to hurt anyone... or yourself."

"See? I told you he wouldn't understand. He can't," Moira hissed. "Do it."

Thea held the shattered glass to her wrist and said, "You can't understand, Ollie. I have... to give it back."

"Give what back?" Oliver asked desperately.

"My life. I can't stay. I can't live like this," Thea sobbed. "I just want it to stop. Mom knows how to make it stop."

"Thea... listen to me. I know Moira looks real to you, but look at her. Carefully," Tommy gently asked.

Tommy nodded towards Oliver as Thea focused on him. Oliver immediately understood and slowly began to move as well. As Tommy moved toward Thea; Oliver moved away. They worked in a perfect tandem, creating a circle around her.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... there's something off about her,” Tommy prompted.

"You mean other than the fact that she's dead?" Laurel muttered, but when Tommy tossed her a stern look she fell silent.

Tommy continued, "She's like a dream. There's always something off in our dreams so we know we're dreaming. You just gotta find it, Thea. You gotta find it, so you can wake up."

Tommy was only a few feet from Thea, and Oliver kept inching closer behind her.

Thea studied her mother carefully, who stared blankly back at her. As her eyes grazed over Moira, it suddenly hit her.

"Her eyes are dark. Mom's eyes are green."

Tommy smiled encouragingly at Thea as he closed the distance between them, "That's good, Thea. That's really good."

Thea relaxed her defenses for a second, and Tommy's eyes darted over her shoulder to Oliver who capitalized on the opening. He pounced behind her, wrapping his arms around Thea tightly. Oliver grabbed her wrist, expertly twisting it, forcing Thea's hand to open so the glass fell harmlessly to the ground.

Thea screamed, "NO! NO NO NO!"

Thea struggled against Oliver, but she was no match for his size and strength. Still, the bloodlust made Thea like a wild animal as she twisted and writhed in Oliver's arms.

"Let me go, Ollie! It needs the blood. It won't stop! I want it to end. Just let me die!"

Oliver plunged a syringe into Thea's neck, tears springing to his eyes as he did. Felicity winced and buried her face into Diggle's chest as he put a reassuring arm around her..

"Never," Oliver whispered as the tranquilizer took effect, and Thea drifted off to sleep. In one fluid motion, he picked Thea up into his arms. Unconscious, she dangled like a rag doll.

Felicity stepped forward and put a reassuring hand on Oliver's face as she gently stroked Thea's hair.

"Now what?" Diggle asked grimly.

"Now we find a way to fix this," Oliver growled determinedly as he carried Thea out of the loft.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s not necessary to read Once and Forever Queen first, but it would be helpful. 
> 
> ***Music I listened to while writing the story

_ ***I Would Die For You by Matt Walters _

By the time they reached the hospital, the tranquilizer had worn off. Oliver watched helplessly as Thea writhed against the hospital bed. The bloodlust surged through her veins, her rage giving her an almost inhuman strength. It took several nurses to hold her down to the bed as they administered the sedation drugs. Her incoherent babbles became moans begging the staff to stop. Oliver couldn't watch, covering his face with hands and willing himself to wake from this nightmare. Soon, the room was quiet as the sedative took effect and Thea drifted off into motionless slumber. Oliver turned as he heard the sound of buckles. The staff was strapping Thea's arms to the bed.

"Wait. What the hell are those?" he demanded.

"Your sister is a danger to herself and to others, Mr. Queen. This is only a safety precaution," the doctor gently explained. Oliver began to protest, but the doctor motioned to follow him out the door.

Diggle, Laurel, Tommy and Felicity were all waiting out in the hallway. As soon as Felicity saw Oliver, she went to his side while he listened to the doctor's diagnosis. Her hand tightly wrapped around his was the only thing  keeping Oliver tethered to reality. In truth, he only heard snippets of the doctor’s words. The phrases "psychotic break," "extensive observation," "paranoid schizophrenia," and "hospitalization" floated around Oliver's spinning head.

"Mr. Queen?" the doctor looked at Oliver expectantly. He'd asked him a question, but Oliver had no idea what is was.

"What?" he asked, his voice like a child.

Felicity wrapped her arm around Oliver reassuringly and answered, "Yes. He'd like the 72-hour hold. Right, honey?"

Oliver nodded slowly in agreement, and the doctor left them. Felicity gently took Oliver by the elbow to guide him back to the room.

"How did I miss this?" he whispered tearfully. "How did I not see it?"

"None of us saw it, Oliver. We all thought she was fine," Felicity answered as they approached the group.

"What did the doctor say?" Laurel anxiously asked.

"They are putting her on a 72-hour hold. She's sedated. Visitor hours will be over soon, so if you'd like to see her you can," Felicity said. Suddenly a wave of nausea hit her. She looked at Oliver and said, "You go on. I'll be back in a minute."

Oliver nodded, completely oblivious to anything but his sister, and went back inside Thea's hospital room.  Felicity scurried away so quickly she didn't notice Diggle studying her as she left.

_ ***Lights by Josh Ritter _

After Felicity threw up, she washed her hands and splashed some cold water on her face. Her hands were shaking, and she felt weak.  She could feel the exhaustion creeping back as well, but she fought against it. 

Felicity stepped out of the women's bathroom and gasped. She hadn’t expected to see Diggle there, casually leaning against the wall, holding a package of crackers in his hands.

"Hey," Felicity said with uncertainty.

"Hey," Diggle answered with a smile.

"What are you doing here?"

Diggle shook the package of crackers and said, "Thought I'd bring you these. They'll help with the morning sickness. At least it always worked for Lyla."

Felicity's mouth dropped open, "But...how..."

Diggle tore open the package of crackers nonchalantly, handed one to Felicity and waited expectantly. He began to speak once she took a bite.

"You're exhausted all the time. You don't feel well, but then suddenly you are fine.  And then of course, there's the vomiting. Plus, you are all glowy."

"I'm glowy?" Felicity asked in surprise as she wolfed down a cracker.

Diggle shrugged, "Like a moon beam. Lyla was the same way. How far along are you?"

Felicity hesitated, but then relented when Diggle gave her a just-tell-me look. "I don't know. I went in for a blood test, but my ultrasound isn't until next week."

"I'm guessing you haven't told Oliver yet."

Felicity shook her head no, and Diggle asked, "Why not?"

"Well... his best friend is back from the dead, his sister is doing her very best impression of  _ One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest _ , my father is back with, I'm sure, some nefarious plan to kill him, and his ex-girlfriend has decided that  _ now _ would be a good time to hash out their issues. I don't know. I sort of felt like I'd be piling on."

Diggle chuckled to himself and shook his head in disbelief, "Felicity... you are everything to Oliver. You're his entire world. He's got a lot going on sure, but you'll be top of the list. Don't you think this is something he'd like to know?"

Felicity hesitated again and refused to look Diggle in the eye. He peered closer at her and asked, "Wait... this is good news right?"

Tears immediately sprang to her eyes, and she leaned up against the wall next to Diggle, her worries overwhelming her at last.

"I don't know. Yes? Honestly, John, I'm kind of freaking out."

"Why?"

"Because I'm twenty-five! A baby feels very adult. Too adult. I'm not adult enough."

"Felicity, you are a billion-dollar corporation CEO during the day and are a badass crime fighter by night," Diggle stated matter of factly.

"Yeah well those things are easy. There are plenty of things I can't do… things a mom should know how to do."

"Such as?"

"I can't make soup."

Diggle had to stop himself from bursting out laughing because Felicity was absolutely dead serious.

"What?"

"Soup. I can't make it. I was sick the other day, and Oliver had to make it for me."

"Well... good news. Babies don't eat soup right away. What else?"

Felicity shrugged as she nervously played with the plastic from the cracker wrapper, "Oliver and I haven't really talked about kids."

"At all?"

"I mean... other than talking about how adorable Sara is and refusing to designate a use for the second bedroom in the loft... no. Kids were just further down the road…. a  road way in the future. This road was still under construction."

"Felicity --"

"We didn't plan this, John. I'm a planner,” she sighed. “But I'm flexible compared to Oliver. Every night, Oliver writes down in his diary everything that happened that day with excruciating detail."

"He has a diary? Seriously?" Diggle asked amused, but Felicity didn't miss a beat.

"D-Day required less planning than his mayoral staff meetings. But this? We're just winging this? I can't... what... I don't even know how this happened. Apparently, Oliver's determination and superior athletic abilities translate to other areas as well...," Felicity babbled.

"Gah! Too much information!" Diggle said shuddering.

"I don't think I've ever seen him hold a baby," Felicity continued, not hearing Diggle, lost in a sea of worries. "I don't think he knows how! So our kid is already screwed.”

Felicity burst into tears and began to sob uncontrollably. Diggle took her by the shoulders, pulled her in close and hugged her tightly as Felicity sobbed into his chest.

"Oh yeah. You are definitely pregnant," Diggle quietly muttered, as he absorbed Felicity's wave of emotions. He waited until her sobs slowed from heaving to sniffles before he pulled her away.

"Felicity, look at me."

Felicity wiped her nose as she looked up at John. "What?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yes."

"Do you want this baby?"

Felicity bit her lower lip, tears welling in her eyes again, and she nodded emphatically, "Yes."

Diggle smiled, "Okay. In my experience, the best things in life are the moments we don't plan. The unexpected. You didn't plan on Oliver Queen did you?"

Felicity shook her head and smiled a little as she said, "No."

"And I can promise you, he never planned on you."

"So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying... you will figure it out. Together. He'll make the soup, and you'll hold the baby," Diggle said. Felicity burst out laughing. He pulled her in for another hug, feeling the tension lift from her body as he did.

"You're not doing this alone, but even if you were... you got this. This kid has just won the lottery because it has you for a mom."

"John..." Felicity shyly said. Overwhelmed by Diggle's compliment, another wave of emotion came over her, and Felicity began to cry again.

"C'mere," Diggle said as he kissed the top of her head as he held her. "Tell him," he whispered gently. "You'll feel better the minute you do, and I promise you, Felicity, he'll be nothing short of overjoyed."

Felicity pulled away, and Diggle wiped her tears as she said, "You think?"

"I know. This will make his life."

Feeling better, and much more confident, Felicity nodded in agreement. Diggle put his arm around Felicity's shoulder as they strolled back to Thea's hospital room.

"If you're thinking of names... John is a great one," Diggle teased, and Felicity's laughter echoed down the hall.

_ ***I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace _

As they entered Thea's room _ ,  _ Felicity and Diggle immediately stopped short. Tommy had Malcolm Merlyn by the throat, pinned against the wall.

"Okay, maybe don't tell him right now," Diggle whispered.

"Ya think?" Felicity said.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you where you stand," Tommy growled menacingly.

Malcolm struggled against Tommy’s vice-like grip on his throat. His words came out in wheezing breaths.

"Because... there's a cure for the Lazarus Pit!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s not necessary to read Once and Forever Queen first, but it would be helpful. 
> 
> ***Music I listened to while writing the story

_***Same For You by Lee DeWyze_

The air was thick with tension as Tommy held his father against the wall by the throat. Malcolm's gasping was the only sound in the room.

"You're lying," Tommy sneered.

"I'm not!" Merlyn sputtered. He strained against the vice grip Tommy had around his throat. He clawed at Tommy's fingers, leaving pink streaks against his skin. Pinpricks of blood bubbled to the surface.

"Tommy! Let him go!" Oliver shouted.

Tommy only narrowed his eyes and squeezed hard, "All I have to do is press here, against your jugular and --"

Oliver forcibly grabbed Tommy by the arm, yanking him off Merlyn with a swift and sudden jerk. Tommy stumbled back in surprise as Oliver stepped in between them. Air reached Merlyn at last and he bent over, coughing, as he took in gulps of air.

"I said let him go," Oliver said evenly.

"It's alright, Oliver. It's just the bloodlust," Merlyn said smugly as he regained his composure. He neatened his tie and brushed off his three-piece suit.

"It's really not," Tommy replied evenly.

Merlyn looked his son dead in the eye and began to smile slowly as he said, "Good. It's nice to see you finally grew a pair."

Incensed, Tommy stepped toward him again, but Oliver blocked him. Frustrated, Tommy exclaimed, "How can you of all people defend him?"

"I'm not, but if he has information that can help Thea then we have to hear him out."

"If that's even why he's here," Laurel bitterly said.

Merlyn swiveled his head in Laurel's direction and glared at her, "Of course that's why I'm here.” He paused for effect, “I'm her father."

Oliver closed his eyes as Merlyn's bomb echoed through Thea's hospital room. A hush fell over them as every eye fell upon Tommy. The shock was evident, but as Tommy turned from his father to look at Thea his shock gave way to a flicker of joy before an intense sadness overwhelmed him. Tommy looked to Oliver for confirmation, which he gave.

Nodding, Oliver said, "It's true. Thea... she didn't want me to say anything. She wanted to be the one to tell you."

Tears sprang to Tommy's eyes and he moved towards Thea's beside, where she slept, knocked out cold by the drugs the doctor gave her. Tommy gently stroked her hair, as a tear fell from his cheek. He wiped it away, looked at his father and said, "Yeah. Okay."

But Merlyn's gaze was still focused on Laurel. He sneered, "You see Ms. Lance. We're all family here. So the better question is, why are you here?"

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?" Laurel asked, crossing her arms defiantly.

Merlyn moved towards her, punctuating his words with every step, "It means, you have somehow found a way to insert yourself into my family. Again. It doesn't matter how many times they dump you, you always find a way to weasel your way back into Oliver and Tommy's lives."

"It's called friendship, Merlyn. A term that is as foreign to you as love," Laurel shot back.

"Love? Is that what you call killing my son? That's love?" Merlyn seethed with anger.

"Last time I checked, you're the person who destroyed The Glades."

"Yes. The Glades. A place where my son would have never been if it wasn't for you. So tell me, Laurel... how many people did you save with those vital pieces of papers you just had to get? Explain to me why my son had to die for a photocopy."

Hot tears sprang into Laurel's eyes. Her mouth was dry, so much so that words failed her when she opened her mouth to speak. She suddenly felt very thirsty. Too thirsty.

"You murdered hundreds of innocent people, including me," Tommy interjected, his voice quiet and calm again.

"Innocent? The people living in The Glades were never innocent, Tommy. They are a disease. A disease that threatens the lives of everyone in Star City. Yes, people died in the Undertaking, but did you ever consider the lives I saved? Or the lives that could have been saved if _he_ ,” motioning to Oliver, “hadn’t interfered with the Undertaking? The city is no better. Those who threaten to infect us all still run rampant. This city cannot be saved. Accepting Star City for what it is doesn't make me a murderer, Tommy. It makes me a realist. Everyone is so quick to make me the villain of this story, but did you ever consider that maybe I'm the hero?"

"Nope," Felicity interjected.

"That was a rhetorical question," Merlyn responded dryly.

"Yeah, I know. Just wanted to be clear though. Not enough ‘no’ in the world," Felicity shot back confidently.

Tommy shook his head, in absolute disbelief, "I never knew the depths of your madness, truly, until now. You, and only you, sent me to hell. That doesn't make you a hero, Dad. It makes you the devil."

"Wrong again. For the last three years, I've been trying to save you from hell," Merlyn answered, a pleading desperation in his voice.

Oliver peered closely at Merlyn and said, "All of this, started with you. I know it. So start talking, Merlyn."

Merlyn regarded Oliver carefully, as if he was calculating which lies to admit while simultaneously spinning new ones.

"Do you ever see your mother, Tommy? When the voices come?" Merlyn asked softly, the pain dancing along the edge of his tone.

"What?" Tommy replied, confused.

"Sometimes... I wait. I'll go a week or two just to see her, just to hear her voice again," Merlyn explained wistfully.

"How..."

"After you left me dying on that rooftop, Oliver, Damien Darhk showed up. He used what little he had left of the Lazarus Pit on me. He injected it into my heart, just like he did with you, Tommy."

Merlyn immediately noticed the surprise on Tommy's face and followed his gaze to Oliver. With a chuckle Merlyn said, "Oliver left that part out didn't he? About how he shoved an arrow through your father's chest and left him for dead. Are you sure you know who is the hero and who is the murderer now?"

Oliver didn't meet Tommy's gaze. Immediately Tommy sensed his guilt. He shook off the shock and coolly looked at his father as he said, "I'm sure. I'm just disappointed he didn't finish the job."

Tommy's words had their intended effect and Merlyn flinched in response. He covered it quickly with the cold, hardened, but sleek facade he'd so carefully crafted over the years.

"Why would Damien Darhk save your life? Why would he use the last of the Lazarus Pit... on you?" Oliver asked.

"I wondered the same thing myself, in between the dying. It wasn't too hard to figure out the answer though. Before he injected the Lazarus water into my heart, Darhk demanded I pledge my fealty to him and..." Merlyn hesitated for a moment and his eyes flicked towards Felicity, "his daughter."

Felicity took in a sharp breath and absorbed this information. Suddenly, the complex and ubiquitous puzzle that was her father became a little clearer.

"You knew?" Oliver asked, his eyes narrowing.

"Yes," Merlyn responded, an air of bored nonchalance in his voice.

"All this time... all of these years, it's been you," Felicity said as she fit the puzzle pieces together in her mind. "Cameron Kane wasn't the only one watching me. You were too."

"Boss' orders!" Merlyn answered as he gave flippant salute.

"Is that why you always listen to me?" Felicity asked, scrunching up her nose in confusion.

Merlyn only gave a cryptic smile in response, but it faded when his back was suddenly slammed up against the wall. Only this time it wasn't Tommy pinning him; it was Oliver.

"You lying son of bitch. You brought that madman into her life," Oliver hissed, his rage bubbling over.

Merlyn struggled against Oliver's hold, "He's her father, Oliver! Trust me, he was always there."

"He needed you for something. That's the only explanation. What else did he want from you?" Oliver demanded. He slammed Merlyn hard against the wall again, as if, by doing so, the secrets would come tumbling out.

"He wanted Ra's dead!" Merlyn shouted back, and he angrily broke Oliver's hold on him. "In exchange for my life, he wanted me to kill Ra's Al Ghul. And to make sure I did it, he took my son as an insurance policy."

"To control you," Diggle said softly.

"Yes. To control me. Darhk told me you were alive, but I never knew where you were or what he was doing to do. I searched the world for you, Tommy... and nothing. You were a ghost and the only person who could see you was Damien Darhk. I couldn't kill him. His H.I.V.E. agents would simply kill you. I couldn't beat him. The man ran the largest criminal organization in the world, and I had nothing. NOTHING. I needed Damien as much as he needed me. Damien saw to that. I could only join him. So that's what I did."

"But you didn't fight Ra's. I did," Oliver said.

"I couldn't kill Ra's Al Ghul. Fighting him was a death sentence," Merlyn explained.

"I'm well aware of that," Oliver sniped back.

Merlyn sighed, "Well, you were suppose to win, not fall off a damn mountain."

"This was all some elaborate chess match between the two of you?" Felicity exclaimed.

"As I explained to Oliver, I needed to give him proper motivation. Thea was that motivation."

"And Sara? What was she in all of this?" Laurel asked angrily.

Merlyn smiled coldly as he said, "Sara's death would give Ra's necessary motivation as well. It had the added benefit of being an eye for an eye." He stepped closer to Laurel until they were mere inches apart, "Which meant I got two birds with one stone."

Laurel raised her hand to strike Merlyn, but he stopped her easily. Gripping her arm in his hand, Merlyn yanked Laurel closer. He whispered in her ear, his breath hot against her neck, "You take from me. I take from you. Remember that the next time you visit your sister's grave."

"Sara..." Laurel mouthed in a silent cry.

Merlyn pulled back and smiled, "Maybe I should have just killed you, but you have to matter enough to make it worth the effort. Trust me, when I say Ms. Lance, you don't."

"What about Thea?" Oliver asked. "He told you there was a cure. What is it?"

"He didn't tell me what it is," Merlyn scoffed.

"Then he must want something from you," Diggle said suspiciously.

"What is it?" Felicity asked.

"The League. He wants the League of Assassins."

The room fell silent as everyone absorbed this.

"Give it to him," Oliver commanded quickly.

"What?"

"I said give it to him," Oliver repeated adamantly.

"You cannot give a man like Damien Darhk control of the League of Assassins. The consequences will be disastrous."

"I'm well aware of the consequences. I gave the League to you... remember?" Oliver snapped.

"This is different."

"I don't care. She's my sister. She is your daughter. There's no other way to save her."

"Of course there's a way to save her. She keeps doing what she's been doing for the last six months! You give the pit what it craves. Blood," Merlyn answered firmly.

"That's what you've been doing, isn't it Dad?" Tommy asked.

"I have to keep my bloodlust, my sanity, under control. Just like you and Thea. So, once a month, a member of The League offers himself, or herself if the case may be, to me as a sacrifice. It’s not murder. The League considers it a great honor to die for Ra's Al Ghul," Merlyn responded.

"It never ceases to amaze me how you can rationalize absolutely anything," Oliver said.

"I warned you the waters change a person, in their soul. I told you the Thea we get back will not be the one we lost. You didn't listen to me."

"I think it's fair to say you left out a few details," Diggle countered.

"It doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything. You are the reason Thea is in this situation to begin with," Oliver countered.

"I warned you Ra's would not take no for an answer --"

"This is your mess, Merlyn, and you will clean it up," Oliver demanded.

"I didn't come here for this," Merlyn answered.

"Then why are you here?" Felicity asked.

"To make another offer," Merlyn slapped a manila folder down on Thea's table. Oliver picked up an leafed through it, before tossing it down in disgust.

"I should have known," he muttered.

"What?" Felicity asked as she picked up the file and read through it. "These are names of criminals."

"Most of them are guilty as sin, but the DA couldn't prove it," Merlyn added with a sidelong glance in Laurel's direction.

"It was you. You fed these names to Thea," Oliver seethed.

"I gave her someone to target her bloodlust on. I gave her someone to hunt. People who deserve to die. I gave her a way to survive and serve justice."

"You're a monster," Oliver said. "How the hell did you expect her to live with killing anyone?"

"That wasn't my primary concern, Oliver. My primary concern is her survival and it should be yours."

"This ends now," Oliver said firmly. He grabbed the file from Felicity's hands and tossed it back in Merlyn's face.

Merlyn watched as the papers fell to the ground and shrugged as if he was bored. "Fine. Then here's my counter offer. Every month, I will send one of my assassins to Star City. Thea will be their target. She will have no choice. Mr. Holier Than Thou should be able to sanction that, right? If it's kill or be killed?"

Incensed, Oliver he grabbed Merlyn by his suit jacket and shook him hard, "You will give Damien Darhk the League of Assassins in exchange for the cure."

"Or else?"

"Or else I'll finish what Oliver started on that roof three years ago. Only this time, I'll make sure you stay dead," Tommy interjected menacingly.

Merlyn shoved Oliver off of him and smiled approvingly at Tommy. "It's nice to see you're finally acting like a Merlyn, son."

Tommy looked at his father in dismay, "You just don't get it, do you?"

"What?"

Tommy stepped forward, so he was eye to eye with Malcolm, and answered, "I would rather be dead than be anything like you."

The smile faded from Merlyn face and he said, "Well, like it or not, I am your sister's best chance for survival."

"We'll see about that," Tommy whispered softly as Merlyn walked out of the room.

_***Shadowman by K's Choice_

A heavy silence fell over the room, as if Merlyn's words were weighing them down. It wasn't the lies, although there were plenty of those, but the kernels of truth Merlyn always managed to slip in. A singular, haunting question, made them wonder, "Was he right?"

Tommy stood in front of Thea's bed, watching her sleep dreamlessly. He put his hands over her feet, gripping them tightly. The thinness of the hospital blanket couldn't offer much warmth and Tommy could feel how cold her feet were, despite the layers that separated his hands from her skin.

"Her feet were always so small. Even now... they are still so small," Tommy murmured almost to himself. When he felt Oliver's eyes upon him, he shook himself out of his trance and addressed everyone in the room. "Could you guys give me and Oliver a minute?"

"Of course," Laurel whispered, and she gave Tommy a kiss on the cheek before leaving.

"I'll start digging into the Lazarus Pit more, maybe there's something out there that we missed," Felicity offered helpfully.

Oliver smiled gratefully at her and said, "That would be good. Thanks."

She ran her hand gently along his cheek before reaching up to give him a gentle kiss. Even in heels, she still needed to stand on her tiptoes to reach his lips. Oliver closed his eyes, and let the soft reassurance of her lips comfort him. Oliver wanted nothing more than to lose himself in her warmth, but he had to focus.

"I'll call Lyla. She's had ARGUS on this, so I'll see if they came up with anything new," Diggle said as he offered Oliver his hand.

Oliver shook it firmly and answered, "Thanks John."

Neither Tommy nor Oliver spoke once they were alone. Honestly, Oliver didn't know where to begin. He was almost relieved when Tommy began to speak.

"I use to be so jealous of you," Tommy began, his voice barely above a whisper.

"What are you talking about?" Oliver asked confused.

Tommy looked at Oliver, and tears were in his eyes, "Not just when I found out who you were... and what you could do. When we were kids too."

"Why?"

Tommy shrugged, "You had a father who gave a crap. Your mother was alive..."

Oliver nodded in silent understanding.

"But Thea... I use to be the most jealous of her. I would watch the two of you and think what you had was..."

"Was what?"

"It might be weird to say it like this, but I honestly can't think of a better way. What you had with Thea was... a little magical, Oliver. It's like the two of you were in on some secret that nobody knew. Like the world was made just for the two of you."

Oliver didn't argue with Tommy because he had described his relationship with Thea perfectly.

"I guess I always wanted that too. Someone to build a secret world with. Someone who understood what it was like to grow up in that house. Someone to protect..."

"Thea was always a sister to you before biology made it so, Tommy, you know that."

"Yeah, but then you died. You died and I had to fill your shoes. I had to do the job for real and it wasn't as easy as I thought it'd be," Tommy explained.

Oliver thought back to when he came back to Starling City, and watched Tommy and Thea argue about her drug habit in front of his grave.

"Yeah well... I'm sure Thea didn't make it easy."

"No, she sure didn't," Tommy sighed.

"You did better than what I would have," Oliver answered, thinking of when he killed Thea's drug dealer.

"Maybe the old me would have had a fighting chance, but now..."

"What?"

Tommy sighed and faced Oliver, "When I found out you were the Vigilante... I wanted to be able to do the things that you could do. I wanted to able to protect Laurel, and probably even Thea, the way you could and I guess... I just thought I would never measure up."

"You were already twice the man I was, Tommy," Oliver softly answered, his eyes shining with tears.

"I don't know about that. What I do know is I wouldn't have traded who I was to become..." Tommy faltered.

"Me," Oliver finished for him, his voice low.

"Sorry - I didn't mean... I just meant... I knew what you survived must have been hell, to turn you into... him. I may have been jealous, but I never wanted to be like you. I knew the cost was too high," Tommy paused and finished, "You're the hero, Oliver. Not me."

"You're wrong, Tommy.  The truth is, when I lost you... I decided I needed to be a man more like you. Or at least a man you would respect," Oliver explained.

"You didn't need to be anything more than who you were," Tommy countered gently.

Oliver shook his head, "No... I really did."

Tommy chuckled a bit to himself and Oliver glanced at him quizzically, "What's funny?"

"Nothing... it's not really funny I guess. It's just sort of ironic. You stopped being a killer to honor me... while I became one," Tommy explained as the smile faded from his face. "I was right though. Hell is too high of a price."

"You're not a killer, Tommy. Take it from me. I was one. I probably still am. It wasn't your choice, which means it wasn't your fault."

"Maybe. But I still did it. I have to live with that."

Tommy's words hung in the air like a shroud over them, each man lost in their own thoughts. Each man lost in their own memories.

"I think I may know a way to fix this," Tommy said suddenly, a new resolve in his eyes.

"How?"

Tommy hesitated and said, “I can’t tell you. Not yet.” Immediately Oliver began to argue, but Tommy held up his hand to silence him. "I need you to trust me.”

“What about the bloodlust? The voices in your head?”

“There’s time. I promise. I’ll be in control for at least another 24 hours.”

Oliver sighed, “I don’t know Tommy.”

“I can find a way out of this for both of us, but I need to do it alone. It’s the only way it’ll work.”

“Why can’t you tell me?”

“The less you know the safer you’ll be. That goes for everyone.”

Oliver began to protest again, but Tommy interrupted and said, “How many times have you kept something from me to protect me? You owe me one.”

Oliver faltered. Tommy had him there. Oliver sighed, “Alright.”

Tommy took a deep breath, "Just give me tonight okay?"

"Sure. I'll stay with Thea," Oliver offered.

"One more thing... I need a favor.”

“What?”

“Don't tell Laurel," Tommy emphatically said.

Oliver closed his eyes and said, “Damn it, Tommy.”

“How many times have you asked me to lie to her about something?” Tommy countered.

Oliver shook his head, “I don’t think you should be following my example when it comes to Laurel,” but Tommy didn’t budge. Oliver sighed and said, “Fine, but when she kicks your ass consider that my, ‘I told you so.’”

“Fair enough,” Tommy paused before leaving, leaning against the doorway, a happy smile breaking over his face, "Hey Ollie?"

"Yeah?"

"I have a sister."

There was a mischievous gleam in his eyes coupled with the dopey grin on his face. It reminded Oliver of the way Tommy use to look when his father took them to baseball games together. Unbridled joy. It was a spark of the man Tommy used to be. Oliver knew in that moment he wasn't as lost as Tommy believed himself to be.

Oliver smiled back at his friend and said, "Yeah. You sure do buddy."

And with that... Tommy was gone.

_***Hymn for the Missing by Red_

Laurel, dressed in black yoga pants and a thin, pale blue t-shirt that fell to her just above thighs, set a tea kettle on the stove. While waiting for the water to boil, she reached up and released the mass of twisted curls held tightly in a clip. As her hair fell, Laurel caught her reflection in the window. She reached up to touch it as if she didn't even recognize her own reflection. The t-shirt was a size too big and it fell off one shoulder as Laurel twisted her fingers around the blonde strands. The water began to boil and she shut off the tea kettle before it reached a shrill whistle. She heard a knock at the door. It was Tommy, still dressed in the black t-shirt and cargo pants of his H.I.V.E. uniform.

"Tommy..." Laurel said in surprise.

"Hi," he stood in the doorway awkwardly and suddenly uncertain of himself. Laurel waited expectantly, but Tommy just shrugged and said, "Yeah... I didn't have much planned after hi."

She smiled and opened the door wider, so Tommy could enter.

"Planned?"

"Yeah, I thought it would be a good idea to maybe have some talking points. Seeing as how I'm back from the dead and all," Tommy answered, with a twinkle in his eye.

Laurel laughed again, and Tommy closed his eyes for a minute. Confused, Laurel asked, "Are you okay?"

Tommy opened his eyes and looked at her sheepishly, "I'm fine... I just... I missed that sound. Your laughter."

Laurel looked at him tenderly and said, "Yeah well... I haven't heard it very much myself. You were one of the only people who could ever get me to laugh."

The two fell into awkward silence again.

"You're right. Maybe talking points aren't such a bad idea," Laurel mused. Softly, she continued, "I don't really know where to begin."

"How about... are you okay?" Tommy kindly asked.

"Me? Pretty sure I should be asking you that," Laurel countered. "Seeing as how you're back from the dead and all."

"Yeah, well I'm use to my father being a psychopathic prick, but you..."

Laurel brushed Tommy's concern off and hurried into the kitchen, "I'm fine. Tea?"

Tommy wasn't buying. The hollowness in her voice gave her away. He stepped into the kitchen as she poured the mugs of tea and touched her elbow, "Laurel... look at me."

She set the tea kettle down on the stove and turned to face Tommy, but tears were streaming down her face. Tommy sighed, concern etched in his face, as he whispered, "Laurel..." and gently wiped away her tears. Laurel brushed his hand away. Surprised, Tommy's hand remained frozen in mid air, as if Laurel had slapped it away, as she pushed passed him.

"Don't. Please Tommy... just don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't be nice to me. I don't think I can take that," Laurel answered.

Tommy sighed, "If this is about what my father --"

"He was right," Laurel interrupted. "Everybody in that room knows he was right. I had no business being at CNRI that night. Oliver even told me to stay out of The Glades, but I didn't listen... and you died because of it."

"Laurel --"

"And what happened with Oliver... that I went back to him after you broke up with me…" Laurel faltered. Fighting the tears, she composed herself. Looking Tommy square in the eye she said, "Just don't be nice to me okay, Merlyn?"

Tommy fell silent, quietly thinking. When he opened his mouth to speak again, Laurel braced herself for what she was certain was going to be Tommy's rightfully angry tirade. Instead, when Tommy raised his eyes to her, Laurel saw nothing but love.

"After the drugs started to wear off, do you know the first memory that popped into my mind?"

"No."

Tommy smiled a little as he said, "Omelets."

Laurel smiled sadly back at him and watched as Tommy turned in a circle, taking in everything in her apartment.

"It hasn't changed at all," he murmured.

"Is that your polite way of saying I need to redecorate?" Laurel half-heartedly teased.

Tommy didn't respond. He just kept turning, as if he was trying to wind back the clock of time with his body. Finally, he faced Laurel once again and said, "Look... I know we have a lot to talk about, but do you think we could put a pin in that grenade at least for now?" Tommy added, his voice breaking, "Do you think we can pretend I never left this apartment?"

Laurel felt the swirl of emotions swell within in her. Her voice lost to her, all she could offer Tommy was a silent nod of agreement.

_***Heart in a Wire by Matthew Mayfield_

Tommy, still little uncertain, stepped towards Laurel. In return, Laurel took a hesitant step towards Tommy.  They met each other, step for step, as if they were being pulled together like magnets. Finally, they were mere inches apart. Tommy reached for Laurel, placing his hands on her hips. Laurel reached for Tommy, resting her hands gently on his chest. They stood like that, holding each other in the quiet of Laurel's kitchen, for what seemed like forever. They breathed each other in and willed time to stand still.

Laurel looked up at Tommy, and he kissed her so softly that she felt tears spring to her eyes. She wrapped her arms around his neck, returning his kiss hungrily as it deepened. As he trailed his tongue down the length of her neck, down to her bare shoulder, Laurel felt her desire build. She pulled at his t-shirt and fluidly slipped it from his body. She felt a pang of sadness as her fingers ran over the groove of an old scar down the length of Tommy's side. It disappeared the moment Tommy lifted her in the air, and she wrapped her legs around him tightly as he carried her to the bedroom.

At first, everything felt different to Tommy. Laurel's body use to be as familiar to Tommy as his own. Now, her soft round curves were jagged and the gentle slope of her body was replaced by sinewy muscle. It was as if her body had been remade with steel and molded by fire. He reached for Laurel, and all he found was a stranger.

Then she kissed him, and her taste was the same. She whispered his name, and he felt himself tether to the earth once more. He moved his hands over her body in equal parts by instinct and memory, and Laurel moaned in every way he remembered.

Tommy buried himself deep within her as Laurel opened herself up to him. She surrounded him, pushing out every bit of sorrow until there was nothing but warmth and aching. His body quickened its pace in response, pushing toward home with the urgency only a man so long lost could have. When Laurel finally cried out, she was unrestrained in every way, like a cage bird being set free. Tommy quickly followed with his own release, desperate to find the same freedom.

In the silence of the night, with Laurel sleeping peacefully on his chest, Tommy felt the darkness surround him. The whispers began to echo around him once more. Whatever reprieve Laurel gave him, a blissful escape, disappeared as the sun rose in the window.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s not necessary to read Once and Forever Queen first, but it would be helpful. 
> 
> ***Music I listened to while writing the story

_***Shattered by Trading Yesterday_

Early the next morning, Tommy left a sleeping Laurel in bed and maneuvered around her apartment, slipping on his clothes deftly. He moved like the trained assassin he was. There was nothing but silence as he made his way out of the apartment. As if he was never even there. Just as he was reaching for the door, he froze. Tommy didn't need to turn around. He knew she was there.

"What happened to omelets?" Laurel asked, unable to disguise the hopefulness in her voice.

"You use to sleep much more soundly," he said, back still turned to her.

"Yeah... I sleep like a hair trigger now. Diggle says it's the training," Laurel answered, her voice hollow as if she was trying to control her anger. "Where are you going?"

Tommy sighed and faced Laurel, but offered her nothing but silence. She crossed her arms and said, "I get that your memory is a little fuzzy, Tommy, so let me refresh it. Sneaking out may have been something you did with the countless other women you slept with, but you never did it with me."

"This isn't about a walk of shame, Laurel," Tommy calmly responded.

"Then tell me where you are going," Laurel demanded.

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because where I'm going is somewhere you can't follow," Tommy explained matter-of-factly.

"I'm not some helpless victim anymore, Tommy. I don't need you to protect me. I can protect myself. So let me help you," Laurel pleaded desperately.

"No."

"Why not?"

Tommy sighed, "Because I don't want your help."

Laurel looked like Tommy had slapped her. "I don't understand. I thought we were... I thought last night meant-"

"You remember that grenade?"

Laurel took a sharp breath in as she said, "Yes."

Perfectly composed, Tommy said, "It's time to pull the pin out."

"Look, I understand you’re angry about what happened between Oliver and me.  You have every reason to be --"

Tommy shook his head and answered, "I'm not angry Laurel. I just..." he paused as he searched for the words; a way to make her understand. "Do you remember telling me about your life these past three years?"

"Yes, of course."

"You've lost so much. Me, Sara... Oliver," Tommy's voice was heavy when he landed on Oliver's name. He flicked his eyes to meet Laurel's gaze and saw the realization dawn within her own.

"Wait... Tommy. No, that's not what I meant."

"You said when you hit rock bottom it was Sara who saved you. When you sobered up you and Oliver had just gone in different directions."

"Yes, I don't understand why you're making such -"

"Felicity. She was Oliver's different direction wasn't she?" Tommy asked. It wasn't an accusation, but simple truth, one he knew Laurel couldn't deny. She began to speak but hesitated, and Tommy shook his head sadly. "There. That's what I've been waiting for."

"What?"

"That little bit of hesitation. It's the same one I saw that night... when I told you I lo...," Tommy faltered, and he cleared his throat to cover his emotion. "The night of the Undertaking."

Tears sprang into Laurel's eyes, "It's not what you think. Please Tommy... just let me explain."

"You don't need to, Laurel. There's this piece of you that will always be holding onto Oliver."

"What does it matter? He's married!" Laurel closed her eyes with regret the minute she said it, silently cursing herself.

Tommy flinched, "Yeah... that argument isn't very reassuring."

"That came out all wrong."

"I think that's probably the most honest thing you've ever said to me," Tommy replied. There was an edge to his voice, a brimming anger, and even though Laurel understood it was justified, she couldn't help but respond in kind.

"So what was last night? Did you sleep with me to get back at me or something?" Laurel shouted, her words punctuated by the hot tears streaming down her face.

"That's not what I did. I just wanted a moment... to go back. To a time when you were mine. To remember the man I use to be," Tommy softly said.

"I am yours," Laurel adamantly said.

"You're really not, and I think you know that," Tommy countered. "I don't know if there ever was a time you were mine. I think..." Tommy paused, steeling him against the truth, "I think I lost you the minute he came back to town… if I ever had you at all."

"That's not true."

"Even if it's not... I'm not the man I used to be Laurel. I never will be, and I won't drag you down in the darkness with me. I won't be someone you have to survive again."

Tommy opened the door.

"Tommy!" Laurel cried out.

He froze, his hand still on the handle, but his back turned, halfway out the door.

"Please... Tommy please don't go. I lov--"

Tommy turned around so swiftly that it surprised Laurel, causing her to take a step back.

"Don't. Don't say it," Tommy firmly said. "You think you're choosing me, but you're not, Laurel. I'm just what's left... and that isn't much."

Resolutely, Tommy left and shut the door behind him without another moment's pause. Laurel was left standing in the center of her apartment, completely and utterly alone. Overwhelmed by her sobbing, Laurel fell to the ground. Her arms, once hanging weakly at her sides, were now wrapped tightly around her. Her entire body was cold, but she couldn't get warm. The truth of Tommy's word settled inside her and a hollowness began to take hold in her center. Laurel knew, without question, the inescapable cold she felt was a world of her own making.

Then, like a switch being flipped, Laurel felt a familiar surge of anger. It was so strong it propelled her to her feet. She stood, wiped the tears from her eyes, and dressed. She felt the rage pulsating throughout her body, even to the tips of her fingers. The anger gave her a renewed purpose, and she knew exactly who she wanted to unleash it on.

_*** Pour Me Out by He Is We_

Oliver, Felicity and Diggle were huddled in the bunker discussing Felicity's research on the Lazarus Pit, when Laurel came storming in.

"Where is he?" Laurel angrily demanded, as she slammed her purse down on the table. She crossed her arms defiantly and glared at Oliver. Oliver exhaled deeply, as if Laurel's reaction was an anticipated.

"Who?" Diggle asked.

"Tommy!" Laurel responded.

"I don't know," Oliver quietly replied.

"The hell you don't," Laurel sneered.

"Laurel, I really don't know, but if I did... I wouldn't tell you," Oliver stated firmly.

Laurel scoffed as Felicity looked at Oliver in surprise, "Why not?"

Oliver sighed and answered, "Because Tommy asked me not to."

"Does he have a plan?" Diggle asked.

"I think he does, but he didn't share it with me," Oliver answered.

"Is following Tommy's lead the best course here, Oliver? Diggle skeptically questioned.

"What if his plan... sucks?" Felicity added.

Smiling a bit at the bluntness of Felicity's question, Oliver answered, "It won't. I trust him."

"But not me," Laurel interjected.

The argument was just getting started but Oliver could already feel the exhaustion creeping up on him. He rubbed his eyes before responding to Laurel.

"That's not what I'm saying," Oliver argued.

“Just like old times isn't it, Ollie? You cover for Tommy. He covers for you. This isn't some party at Samantha Clayton's house. This is life and death.”

Felicity gave Oliver a confused look, but he didn't meet her gaze despite being visibly uncomfortable.

“That's not what's going on, Laurel,” Oliver answered tersely.

“Isn't it? This is how it started the last time. The two of you, with your lies and secrets. He walked out that door, and I lost him forever,” Laurel argued.

“Laurel, I'm sure that Oliver -”

Laurel spun on her heel and snapped, “Felicity, this has absolutely nothing to do with you. Oliver may think the world revolves around you, but I sure as hell don't. Stay out of it.”

Gobsmacked, Felicity fell silent while a stunned Oliver and Diggle glared at Laurel. Laurel instantly regretted it the moment she said it, but she knew the damage was done. Oliver reached his arm across Felicity while shifting his body in front of her. Oliver effectively eased Felicity behind him, but in front of Diggle. It created a cocoon like guard around her. Incensed, Oliver faced Laurel.

“What the hell is the matter with you?” Oliver demanded. The rage rattled within his lower register, and the question echoed throughout the bunker.

“Oliver, it's okay,” Felicity gently protested.

“It's really not,” Oliver tersely answered, his gaze never leaving Laurel.

“Felicity, I'm sor-”

“Everybody out,” Oliver demanded, interrupting Laurel. She fell silent, fixing a steely gaze on Oliver as she crossed her arms.

Diggle put a gentle hand on Felicity's elbow, guiding her away, and said, “Come on. Let's give these two a minute.”

Felicity nodded wordlessly in agreement and tossed one glance over her shoulder as she left with Diggle. Oliver and Laurel were squared off. Prepared for battle.

_***You Were Suppose to Be Different by Aron Wright_

Oliver spoke the minute the elevator door dinged shut, “You don't speak to my wife that way. Not ever.”

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'll apologize to Felicity," Laurel earnestly answered, conceding the high ground.

Oliver softened a bit. He unbuttoned his grey suit, exposing the crisp white dress shirt underneath, and slipped his hands into his pockets. "She's not the one you're angry with, Laurel. I am."

"That much I do know, Oliver," Laurel snapped back. A heavy silence fell between them. Laurel stepped away exasperated and began to pace.

"We need to look for him."

Oliver sighed, "Laurel..."

"You're just going to abandon him aren't you?" Laurel accused.

"You honestly think I don't want to look for him? Tommy asked me to trust him. He asked me for time. So that's what I'm going to do. I owe him that much," Oliver firmly explained, holding his ground.

"And what about what you owe me?"

"I don't owe you anything, Laurel."

"Damn it, Oliver, I will not lose him to you again!" Laurel cried out.

Amazed, Oliver took a step back, looking completely flabbergasted, "What the hell does that mean?"

This time Laurel wasn't budging. "You know what I mean."

Oliver's hands began to shake from anger and he clenched them to keep himself under control. He shook his head and gave a hollow chuckle, "That's right. We've gotten to the part where you blame everyone but yourself. "

"You think I don't blame myself?"

"No. I don't. I think you blame me for everything, like you always do. But you made the decision Laurel. I showed up at your door, and you chose me."

"Well I chose wrong!" Laurel shouted, hot tears springing to her eyes.

Oliver closed his eyes, and her words echoed around them, the truth reverberating through the walls. "I know. So why did -"

"Because you chose me!" Laurel cried out, the tears spilling down her face.

Oliver fell silent as Laurel turned away from him, wiping her tears. For a long time neither of them spoke. When Laurel finally faced Oliver again, her eyes were shining bright from her tears, but she had regained her composure. She gazed at Oliver, a softness in her eyes, as she said, "When we were together, you use to look at me sometimes like I was the only person in the world to you. It use to make me feel so safe and so loved. I craved that feeling," Laurel paused if a realization had suddenly dawned on her. "like an addict..."

"Laurel..."

She ignored him. The words were tumbling out now with a momentum all their own. "But it seemed like the more I tried to hold onto you the more you pushed me away. You ran to that boat… to Sara…”

Regretfully, Oliver said, "I can't take back what happened with Sara."

"That's not...," Laurel faltered, uncertain of what she was trying to say. "It's not just about Sara. Even when we were together, even when things were good, there was always this wall between us. No matter how much I pushed against it I could never break through. I just... I just wanted you to need me as much as I needed you."

Visibly uncomfortable, Oliver shifted his weight from side to side, shuffling his feet. Laurel noticed immediately and she said, "I know everything is different now. You're married, and I respect that. I know I should have said this to you a long time ago."

"I thought we said everything we needed to say in your apartment hallway three years ago," Oliver stated.

"Maybe you did, but I didn't. You told me that night you were done running after me. I could never understand how you could say that," Laurel said. She sounded far away like she was lost in the memory.

Oliver took a deep breath, "Laurel... you were drinking and --"

"No. I don't mean that. I mean... I was always the one running after you. Even when we were little kids. I've spent nearly half my life doing it."

Oliver shook his head, "That's not true."

"Isn't it?"

Oliver peered closely at her and asked, "Where is all of this coming from?"

Laurel sighed, "We had a fight. Tommy and me. Right before he left."

"About?"

"You."

Oliver raised his eyebrows in surprise and cleared his throat uncomfortably, "Why?"

"He thinks I'm still holding onto you. To us."

Oliver sighed and said, "Laurel... it's a shock coming back. It's like starting a movie that’s halfway over. He just needs time to adjust. When this is all over, and we've saved Thea, you can explain."

"Explain?"

"Yeah, how we've both moved on."

Laurel ruefully chuckled and said, "Yeah. I tried that. It didn't work."

Confused, Oliver asked, "Why not?"

"Because it's not true," Laurel bluntly stated, looking Oliver dead in the eye. "And Tommy knows it."

Stunned, Oliver fell silent as Laurel reached for her purse and pulled out her wallet. She opened the wallet and took out a picture. It was the photograph of Laurel, the one she gave Oliver before he left on the Queen's Gambit. The one he kept with him all the years he was away. She set it down on the table, and Oliver took a sharp breath in.

He'd had given it to her after Tommy died. After the funeral, Oliver came to her apartment. Captain Lance turned him away because Laurel refused to see him. She was too grief stricken and overwhelmed with guilt to even look at Oliver. He left town shortly after, and when Laurel finally emerged from her bedroom, she found the envelope Oliver had slid under her door. It was a letter explaining why he left. Oliver wrote how he needed to be alone, how he'd only hold her back, but never to doubt his love for her.  

Sitting on the floor of her apartment, holding onto the photograph, Laurel read the letter over and over until it was memorized. Then she drank a glass of red wine. Then another and another and another...

The picture laid on the desk between them like a bridge between the past and present. Finally, Oliver reached for it and gingerly picked up.

"You kept this?" Oliver's voice wavered slightly and his eyes shined with tears.

Smiling through her own tears, Laurel nodded, "Yeah."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I guess to remind me of when things felt simpler between us," she paused as she wiped a tear away and then continued, "I use to have this picture in my mind of us... of who we could be together."

She stepped towards the Green Arrow and Black Canary suits encased in glass and stared at them for awhile. She looked back at Oliver as she said, "Nothing as grand as this. Something simpler. A house, couple of kids."

Oliver closed his eyes as he heard the pain in her voice. He looked at her sadly as he opened them, and said, "I don't know what to say."

Laurel shrugged, "Me neither. Somehow, the picture in my mind never matched up to reality. It was just a dream, but I think..."

"What?"

"I think I'm scared to wake up... but I have to, Ollie," Laurel whispered tearfully. "The other night, I had a dream about Tommy.  Do you remember the day in the woods? When I fell?"

Oliver nodded and answered, "Of course."

Laurel smiled sadly at the memory and continued, "Tommy climbed down in that hole with me, just so I wouldn't be scared. He never left me."

"I remember."

"That's the way it's always been between us. Tommy stands by me while I watch you run. Tommy holds on to me while I reach for you."

She wasn't wrong and Oliver knew it, but now he had a question of his own. "Laurel, if you felt this way then why did..."

"Why did I choose you?"

"Yeah."

"Tommy and I were good. We were happy and then he just... left. He said he wasn't ready for that type of commitment. To this day, I still don't understand it. Even though, I knew he was lying I found myself reaching for you again. I don't know, Ollie. Maybe it was because the one guy who never left me ran away, and the guy who always ran finally stayed."

"Is that the only reason?" Oliver asked.

Laurel shook her head and honestly answered, "No."

They were finally asking each other all the questions they never had the courage to voice. Laurel felt as if she was barreling her towards some unknown precipice, but she couldn't stop. She couldn't hide from the truth anymore, no matter how hard the fall.

"You were standing in my apartment, saying all the things I'd waited so long for you to say. It felt like, for the first time, I caught you. Like I had crossed some imaginary finish line. Like I had..."

Laurel stopped cold, her eyes widening in realization. Oliver peered closely at her and asked, "Like you had what?"

Laurel took a breath and forced herself to look Oliver in the eye as she answered, "Like I had won."

_***The Last Time by Taylor Swift (feat. Gary Lightbody)_

The truth has a weight to it, like it's made of brick and mortar.  Oliver stepped away, resting his hands on the table to support himself under the heaviness. The shabby construct of lies Oliver and Laurel built their entire relationship around was collapsing all around them. What was rising from the ashes was, finally, something real no matter how painful it was. Brick by honest brick, they forged ahead.

Oliver took a deep breath and said, "Tommy thought if you knew who I was, if you knew I was The Hood, you would choose me. That's why he broke up with you. That's why he left."

No longer hiding from the truth about herself, Laurel said, "He was right. I would have."

"Maybe I didn't want to be loved for my mask, Laurel."

"Well... I chose the man, Oliver, not the mask. It didn't make a difference. You still left. You still ran away."

"I explained why I had to go..." Oliver interjected.

"Yeah, it's what you needed. But what about what I needed?" Laurel demanded.

"After Tommy died... I didn't have anything to give," Oliver sadly answered.

"Yes you did. The truth. Maybe I just needed you to be honest with me."

"I was trying to protect you. You know that," Oliver countered.

"And what... Felicity was just acceptable collateral damage?" Laurel shot back.

"No, of course not."

"Then why?"

Oliver stepped away and said, "Laurel, don't do this."

She shook her head and tearfully argued, "No. No we're going to do this. I need us to do this. Oliver, you told a perfect stranger your deepest secret, while you hid everything from me, the woman you supposedly loved," Laurel accused. Oliver looked away, unable to meet her gaze because he knew she was right. "I just can't help but feel like maybe if you had just told me... everything could have been different between us."

"I couldn't," Oliver firmly.

"But you could with Felicity?"

Oliver sighed and said, "It's not that simple, Laurel."

"Then explain it to me," Laurel answered quietly.

Oliver acquiesced and said, "In the beginning, I needed her help... but then, somehow, it changed. I started to need _her_."

Laurel didn't realize she was holding her breath. She exhaled and said, "Do you know the first time I thought that picture I held onto wasn't real?"

Oliver shook his head, "No."

"It was at a Queen Consolidated party. I came with Sebastian Blood..."

"I remember."

"I saw you with Felicity. You were walking through the crowd together and you looked so at ease with her. The walls were gone. You were different because... she was different, right?"

Oliver closed his eyes, "Laurel... I don't want to hurt you."

Laurel looked at Oliver softly and said, "I know. But I think I need you to, Ollie. One last time."

"I loved you." Oliver said almost defensively.

He felt like there were back in CNRI again. The building was crumbling all around them only this time it wasn't Tommy Oliver was trying to pull from the rubble. It was Laurel. It was a last attempt to protect her from what came next, but Oliver knew it was useless. He could no more save Laurel from the painful truth than he could save Tommy's life.

Tears sprang to Laurel's eyes and as they fell down her cheek, she didn't bother to wipe them away. "I know that. I know you did, but..." she paused, bracing herself for what came next, "But I need you to say the rest. I need to hear the truth. Just once."

Oliver hesitated, but finally answered, "Just not enough."

Every time he left town, every time he ran from her, every time she read that letter, every time she watched him kiss his wife... this was the truth she'd always known, deep down, and feared. She could no longer ignore it, hide from it, or hold onto what wasn't there and probably never was. The tears flowed down her face as Oliver walked away from her for the last time. Laurel had lost him so long ago, but this was the first time she truly understood why. She expected some reprieve, but it didn't feel like freedom. It felt like surrender.

Laurel ran her fingers along the faded and frayed edges of the photograph, like she'd done so many times before. She sank to the ground, resting her head against the case that held her Black Canary suit. She stared at the picture, at the girl she once was, and wondered how she got so lost. All of these years, she'd been fighting the wrong fight. There was no one to blame but herself, and it filled Laurel with a rage she'd never felt before. She started to tear the picture, but the first frayed edge sent a jolt of panic through her body. She froze.

Even now... she couldn't do it. She couldn't let it go. Laurel knew Tommy was right. She was holding onto the past. Laurel hoped the truth she so desperately sought from Oliver would set her free, but now a new question was haunting her.

_What if the past wasn't Oliver?_


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s not necessary to read Once and Forever Queen first, but it would be helpful. 
> 
> ***Music I listened to while writing the story

_ *** Take Me Home by Us The Duo _

Later that night, Oliver sat alone in the bunker, dressed in his Green Arrow suit, while surfing the Internet on Felicity's computer. Oliver sent the team home for the night after there was still no word from Tommy. He didn't want to risk any interference with whatever Tommy had planned. Oliver told Felicity he wanted to do a quick workout and he'd be home in a little while. That was four hours ago. Felicity's research found very little about the Lazarus Pit, or at least nothing they didn't already know, but Oliver couldn't stop looking.

He finally looked away from the screen when he heard the familiar click-click of her high heels. For a moment, he was distracted by her sky-high, alligator-print shoes and marveled at her ability to walk in them. She was still dressed in her work clothes from earlier in the day: a tight fitting blue suede dress with an elegant geometric piping that accentuated her long torso. The most intriguing detail to Oliver, of course, was the front zipper that went from collar to hem. Felicity had it zipped down so it was tantalizingly low while remaining frustratingly high. Sexy, but professional.

"Hey," Felicity softly said as she swept her eyes over the bunker, investigating what Oliver was up to.

"Hey. What are you doing here?"

Felicity set her purse on the table and said, "You said you'd be home in a little bit. That was hours ago. I got worried."

"Sorry."

Felicity tipped her head to the side, her signature ponytail swinging lightly behind her, “Typically, your workouts happen over there." She pointed to the salmon ladder. "Don't get me wrong, I'll be thrilled if I didn't miss it."

Sheepishly Oliver admitted, "Yeah... I haven't been working out."

Felicity feigned dismay, "You don't say?"

She made her way behind Oliver, and he swiveled her chair back to the computer. She gently rested her arms over his shoulders, and Oliver reached up to clasp one of her hands in his.

"Honey...?"

"Hmmm?"

"I don't think you're going to find anything helping on the Lazarus Pit on Wikipedia."

Oliver sighed, "Yeah... I got desperate."

Felicity spun the chair around so Oliver faced her again. "Oliver, what's going on?"

"I called Nyssa."

Felicity frowned a little at the sound of her name, "And how's the Mrs.?"

"You're never going to let me live that down, are you?"

"Nope!" Felicity replied, a twinkle in her eye.

"Nyssa said Merlyn is telling the truth. There is a cure for the bloodlust."

Excited, Felicity asked, "What is it?"

Oliver bent over, his elbows on his knees, and rubbed his eyes before answering. "She doesn't know. Only Ra's Al Ghul has that knowledge. It's passed from one heir to the next on the Ascension Day."

"So Nyssa doesn't know?"

"No," Oliver exhaled.

Realizing, Felicity added, "And because you never ascended..."

"Ra's never told me what it was -"

"Which means Malcolm doesn't know either," Felicity said, finishing Oliver's sentence.

"Right, so we're back to square one. Hence, the Wikipedia," Oliver said, tossing a hand flippantly in the computer's direction.

"Well, it's too bad you don't know anyone who's handy with computers," Felicity prodded, nudging Oliver with her fingers against his chest.

The chair rolled back a little and Oliver said, "Ow."

"What's going on?"

"It was late... I didn't want to bother you," Oliver weakly explained.

Felicity crossed her arms, her voice growing more serious, "Oliver."

Oliver sighed, "I just wanted to be here… in case Tommy called."

"Hence the..." Felicity raised a hand up and down motioning to Oliver's suit.

He looked down, as if he'd forgotten what he was wearing, "Oh. Yeah."

"I would have waited here with you."

"I know," Oliver looking around distractedly.

Felicity could tell he was holding back, so she bluntly asked, "Why did you want to be alone, Oliver?"

Surprised, Oliver said, "I didn't."

Felicity gave him her give-me-a-break look, and Oliver fell silent. He looked down at the floor and shuffled his feet a little, like a little boy caught in a lie.

Felicity perceptibly asked, "How was your little domestic this morning with Laurel?"

Oliver gave her a withering look, and Felicity bit her lip sympathetically, "That bad huh?"

"Yeah. That bad," Oliver answered sadly.

Felicity could hear the self-reproach in Oliver's voice. She grazed her hand along his cheek until her finger reached the cleft in his chin. Felicity tipped Oliver's chin up, so he would look at her.  She softly asked, "What happened?"

"I hurt her. Like I always do," Oliver answered bitterly. He shook his head, "This feels weird to talk about."

"Weird because it's your ex-girlfriend and I'm your wife, or because it's you and Laurel and you two are always weird?" Felicity asked as she whimsically raised one hand and lowered another like a scale.

Oliver smiled, "Both... I think."

Pleased, Felicity said, "Ahh... success. He smiles."

"So you're not upset?"

"No, of course not. The two of you had major sorting out to do. Would I have preferred that conversation happened before our wedding? Sure, but you and Laurel are stubborn. You both like to be right. You're both a little emotionally stunted too. So, it's not really a shock you took the long way around."

Felicity laughed out loud when she saw Oliver's dismayed look.

“Hey!”

"It's true. You're actually a lot alike in a lot of ways. It's probably one of the reasons you were such a disaster as a couple."

Oliver muttered, "Sleeping with her sister certainly didn't help."

Felicity looked at Oliver softly, "No, it sure didn't.”

Oliver met her gaze and felt a rush of gratitude when he saw no judgment in her eyes. He reached for her hand and squeezed it.

Felicity added, “You and Laurel spend every day terrified you're going to lose someone you love. You love with everything you are... but sometimes that fear gets the best of you.”

Oliver sighed, “Laurel said a lot of things, but nothing about being scared.”

Felicity chuckled, “Because that's something Laurel wouldn’t admit to. Would you?”

Oliver uncomfortably confessed, “Felicity... Laurel admitted she still has feelings for me.

Felicity confidently answered, "She's not in love with you, Oliver."

“She said that – wait. Huh?”

Felicity shrugged, “She's not. I'm not saying Laurel knows it yet, but she's figuring it out.”

“But then why...” he trailed off. He was so completely lost he didn't even know what question to ask.

Felicity smiled gently at Oliver and said, “Do you know what I saw this morning when Laurel came in guns blazing? Fear. She's terrified, Oliver.”

“Of what?”

“Tommy. Maybe something else. I'm not sure.”

“Why would Laurel be scared of Tommy” Oliver asked bewildered.

“Why were you scared of me?" Felicity gently chided. She caressed his face and answered for him, "Because it's real. I think... she's running, and you're convenient to hide behind. It's not about you Oliver. Laurel just wants it to be.”

Oliver leaned back in the chair and shook his head, "I'm sure you're right...”

Felicity grinned, “Usually am.”

“I just... there was so much pain in her eyes. Pain I put there and that part is about me. Sometimes I can't help but think..."

"What?" Felicity pressed.

Oliver took a deep breath, "Sometimes I think everyone would have been better off if I never came back."

"Oliver..." Felicity protested. "That's ridiculous."

"Is it? Look at everything that's happened. Tommy, Thea, Laurel... my mother," Oliver explained, his voice etched in pain. “All their pain... all that suffering. Sometimes I think condemned everyone I love to the same hell I escaped. I'm not saving anyone. I just brought the Island back with me.”

“That's not true.”

His voice cracking with emotion, "When Tommy died I said it should have been me. I meant it. It's a price I've always been prepared to pay. But losing the people I love? Seeing them in this much pain? I don't know. It just feels like the cost is too high."

"I think you're forgetting something."

"What?"

"You didn't force this on us. Diggle, Thea, Laurel and I chose to stand with you. We know the risks. As for Tommy... he chose to save Laurel. Your mother chose to save you and Thea. Your father chose to save you. If you're willing to die to protect the people you love then you have to accept that the people you love may make the same choice."

"I just feel like I make everyone I love darker somehow. Even you."

Surprised Felicity said, "Me?"

Oliver nodded, "You said you wish you killed your father. Pretty sure that wasn't Barry's influence."

Felicity knelt to the ground, putting her hands on Oliver knees and firmly said, "Hey. Look at me."

When she saw crystal clear blue staring back at her, she continued, "You haven't made me darker, Oliver. Or anyone else. Damien Darhk was always my father. Malcolm Merlyn was always Tommy and Thea's. The Undertaking would have destroyed The Glades if not for you. The city was falling apart long before you ever stepped onto the Queen's Gambit. You didn't bring all this bad stuff into our lives. It was already there. You're the one who taught us how to fight it."

"But what about what you said?”

"I don't want my father to die,” Felicity answered softly. “I was angry. I'm still angry. When your father is a homicidal psychopath, you occasionally wish for his death."

"So you didn't mean it?"

Felicity measured her words carefully, "No. I didn't say that."

"Felicity --"

Felicity stood, "Oliver... my father was Elijah Smoak and I loved him, but he left me a long time ago and he never came back. Not really. The man he's become,  Damien Darhk, he's taken too much. You need the freedom to do whatever is necessary to protect this city and the people we love. I don't want anyone to die because I'm hoping someday I'll get my dad back. I won't let him hurt anyone else."

Instinctively, Felicity's hand went to her stomach.

“All I've done is try to protect Thea from the very thing you are willingly walking into. I've spared Merlyn time and again because he's Thea's father.”

“Malcolm Merlyn is not the argument you want to make with me, honey. You should have put an arrow in him a long time ago.”

Oliver sighed, “Felicity.”

“Merlyn hasn't done Tommy or Thea any good, father or not,” Felicity answered bitterly.

“What happened to finding another way?”

“If there's anyone who can find one it's you. I know that. I don't want this, Oliver. But what if you hesitate because of me? What if...” Felicity faltered unable to finish her sentence.

“Felicity...” Oliver whispered sympathetically. “Look at me. I do absolutely everything I can come home to you every night. No matter what.”

“Like the mountain?”

“I came home... eventually," Oliver weakly argued.

“That still doesn't erase the three weeks I thought you were dead. I've seen what that life looks like. I won't live it.”

"I'm not looking to have a sword through my torso again either, but it won't come to that.”

“Oliver! This is tribal for him. This is a blood war that's far beyond you and me. My father will never see you as Oliver Queen. You are Al Sah-Him. The man was prepared to unleash nuclear holocaust to get what he wanted. Do you really think he's going to hesitate in erasing you from the earth? No. If it's a choice between you or him... I choose you.”

Oliver shook his head in dismay, “Sometimes I cannot believe this is our life. We're sitting here actively debating whether or not I should kill your father. My sister is going insane in a psych ward. My best friend is back from the dead and MIA probably because he's losing his mind too.”

"And my father is a criminal mastermind who killed my best friend's brother. You don't have the corner on crazy, Oliver."

"You don't ever wish we had a more normal life?”

"You're forgetting Donna Smoak is my mother. I never had normal," Felicity teased.

But Oliver wasn't joking. He looked at Felicity earnestly and said, "All the more reason you should have it now."

Felicity took his hand, twirling her fingers around his, and squeezed it tight as she answered, "Our old bunker, with you and Diggle? That was the first place I ever felt at home. Yes, our world is insane and we're constantly fighting this madness around us, but it's ours. We built it together. You are my home. Besides, I'd rather do crazy with you than normal with anyone else."

Feeling reassured, Oliver reached for Felicity's hand and pulled her close. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed his head against her stomach as he exhaled. Felicity ran her hands along his shoulders, feeling them relax as the tension left Oliver's body.

"Carrying the weight of the world is going to give you kyphosis."

"Huh?"

"Think the Hunchback of Notre Dame. You should left yourself off the hook once and awhile."

Oliver nestled his head against Felicity and murmured, "I don't know how to do that."

"Trust me, Oliver I am well aware," Felicity dryly said.

Oliver pulled back a bit and looked up at her. "But I can try."

_ ***Can You Hold Me by NF _

Felicity smiled softly, and ran her fingers along Oliver's face as she said, "Good." She choked up and felt the tears spring to her eyes as she whispered, "Just promise me the next time you skulk off to do some brooding, try and remember… all you've brought to my life is love, happiness, purpose... and the wonderfully unexpected."

Oliver pulled back, looked up at her face and answered, “Promise.”

As Oliver shifted his hands to Felicity's hips, his thumbs drifted across her stomach for the briefest moment. As they did, even though she knew it was too early, Felicity could have sworn she felt a flutter.

It was time. This was the moment to tell him about the baby.

Just as she was about to speak, Oliver reached up, grasped her neck gently and pulled her down for a kiss. Oliver was so tall that Felicity didn't have to bend very far, even though he was still sitting down. At first, the kiss was soft, but then Oliver swiveled his tongue tantalizing deeper and Felicity felt the urgency grow between them.

Oliver slid his hands from her hips, up the side of her body, grazing the rounded edge of her breasts as he did. Immediately, Felicity's stomach dropped as she felt the familiar swell of desire. Oliver perched on the edge of the chair and moved his hands to Felicity's back, pulling her closer as they kissed. She slipped her body in between his legs and pressed up against him. There, in the stillness and the quiet, Oliver and Felicity let themselves get lost in one another. Finally, air became a necessity and they were forced to break away.

Breathless, Oliver traced the edge of Felicity's face and whispered, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too. Let's go home.”

Felicity stepped away, trying to pull Oliver with her, but he didn't let go of her hand. Oliver gave a gentle tug and she sprang back to him like a coil. Somehow,  Felicity managed to create a peaceful quiet in the swirl of madness that surrounded them. Oliver wasn't ready to let that go. He just wanted to keep the world at bay a little longer... and stay in theirs. In this moment, the bunker was their sanctuary and Oliver clung to the refuge. He needed to breathe her in... to hold her.

Still holding onto Felicity’s hand, Oliver paused briefly and turned to the computer. He quickly typed a few keystrokes. 

Puzzled Felicity asked, “What are you doing?”

“Changing the passcode temporarily, so nobody can enter the bunker.”

“Why?”

He didn’t answer. Instead, Oliver turned back to her, reached up and began to pull the zipper of Felicity's dress down very slowly.

"All I can think about all day, every day, is when I can go home so I can hold you again. So, I can touch you again... make love to you again," Oliver whispered, his voice low and thick with desire. With every word, he moved the zipper down another tantalizing inch. Felicity began to breathe harder the closer it came to the bottom. Oliver stopped short, looked Felicity in the eye, and asked, "We're home aren't we?"

Felicity whispered, "Yes. We are."

Oliver yanked the zipper down all the way and finally the suede fabric separated all the way, exposing her perfect alabaster skin and the lacey black halter bra she wore underneath. Oliver didn't speak as he raked his eyes over her, taking in every inch of her.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered.

Oliver stood and cupped his hands around Felicity's face as their lips met again. Then, slowly he trailed his tongue down the length of her neck. His beard prickled against her skin, sending shivers down her spine, as Oliver skated down to her shoulders. The lights in the bunker suddenly became hazy and Felicity had trouble focusing. All she could feel was Oliver's hands on her body. He gently pushed the dress off her shoulders and as it crumpled to the ground the world fell away with it.

_ After, she thought. I'll tell him after. _

Hungrily, Felicity slid the zipper down on his Green Arrow suit exposing his skin. She trailed her fingers along his chest in a slow pattern over the grooves of his scars and the ripples of his stomach. It was like traveling a familiar cobblestone road. Felicity knew every bend and break in the stone. What once was only a link to Oliver's past now felt like a part of her. Every piece of him was a memory.

Felicity pushed the jacket off Oliver's shoulders and wrapped her arms around his neck. She felt a rush of heat, like a burst of flame, as she pressed her skin against his. The bunker's cool air nipped around her, but Oliver's body felt like a warm and protective blanket. Nothing could touch her except for him.

In one fluid motion, Oliver picked Felicity up in his arms and enveloped her completely. She wrapped her legs tightly around his waist, gently caressing his back, as he maneuvered to the bed. He slowly sat down and perched at the edge, with Felicity straddled against him. 

Oliver moved his hands to the hilt of her breasts, rolling over them and squeezing hard at first. It was like a jolt of lightning. Felicity gasped and bent her head back as Oliver dipped his head low. He grazed the top of her breasts, but resisted removing her bra, preferring instead to tease her over the fabric. He could feel her body begin to strain against his, an anxiousness beginning to grow in her, as Oliver refused to go where he knew she wanted.

"Oliver... please," Felicity gasped.

With a confident smile, he yielded to her pleas, and gently ran a thumb over her hardened nipple. When she moaned, he did it again, soft at first, but then kissed her hard as he increased the pressure. She broke from him, her breath hot and gasping, their lips inches apart. Felicity tried to lower herself so she could press against him, searching for some release, desperate to move against him, but Oliver held the small of her back firmly in his hands, pushing her stomach up against his.

Felicity began to paw at him desperately, searching for a way through Oliver's control. Her hands skated over him, her kiss becoming more desperate and urgent with every passing moment, but Oliver was patient. Relaxed and confident, he let Felicity pull against him, relishing the softness of her skin. The familiar scent of lavender and vanilla, from her perfume, swam over him in an intoxicating swirl as the sweat began to bead on her skin.

Finally, Oliver lowered his head, trailing his down the length of her neck once more, drinking her in. Only this time he didn't stop. He slipped his soft, wet tongue over the round of her breast, pushed high from the bra. Searching, he found his way underneath the fabric to the hard nipple pulsating and waiting for him. Felicity groaned and writhed as Oliver licked and rolled his tongue over her again and again.

The pressure was building to a maddening level. The ache inside was so strong Felicity thought she might pass out. She arched her back so Oliver could fit his mouth fully over her breast and the jolt went through her entire body. So much so Felicity thought she was going to explode.

"Oh god... Oliver," she breathed.

Oliver needed to feel Felicity against him. Now that his desperation finally matched hers, Oliver released his hand from the small of Felicity’s back. Instantly Felicity sank lower, her thighs sliding easily against the slick leather pants. Finally, she found him, feeling the hardness underneath and pressed firmly against him. She rolled her hips to match the pulsating beat inside and the friction between their clothes only served to excite her more. She pushed harder and faster until Oliver groaned.

"I need you inside me," Felicity whispered against his ear as she reach inside his pants, sliding her hands over his shaft, feeling the muscle hard and hot in her hands. She rolled her thumb over the tip and Oliver had to find a lower register as he moaned.

Oliver gave a swift yank to her underwear. The flimsy fabric snapped immediately, no match for his strength. Felicity arched her back over him as Oliver's hands reached up and rolled over her breasts again. Now they were in a frenzy. She lowered herself as Oliver pushed his pants down and finally... they connected. He entered her fast and hard and Felicity cried out grateful for the relief. Oliver finally snapped the bra off Felicity, and it fell to the ground.

Oliver's muscles contracted as he lowered himself back onto the bed, easily controlling his slow descent. Felicity put her hands on his chest and gently pushed him down until Oliver's shoulder blades hit the bed, the mattress softly absorbing him. Her hips rolled faster and with every motion Oliver sank inside an abyss of warmth. He moved his hands to Felicity's hips, allowing her to control the pace... content to watch her.

The flush of pleasure reached her cheeks, like a petal in bloom. The slightness in her curves and lightness of her body worked in perfect cohesion with her steeled thighs flexing against him. She felt so small against him, but Oliver knew her strength. He knew how far to push her and when. He knew how much she could bend without breaking. He knew how much pain gave her pleasure. He knew every curve, every motion, every breath, every sound. Oliver knew Felicity's body as well as his own because every piece of her was his.

He recognized the flicker of light in her eyes just before they closed. He felt the involuntary shudder through her body. The sharp intake of breath. The way she bit her lower lip. Without hesitation, Oliver took firm hold of her hips and pushed her down farther until Felicity cried out. He began to roll her hips against him faster and faster, until her breath came out in short gasps. Oliver drove her to edge relentlessly.

As the roll of energy consumed her, there was always a moment where Felicity looked lost, like falling off the edge of the cliff. Each time, Oliver reached up and touched her face. Her eyes opened and found his. Felicity held his gaze, never breaking, as the explosion overtook her. Oliver was her tether, a grounded connection, as the waves washed over her again and again. When Felicity couldn't breathe, Oliver breathed for her. When she felt like her heart would explode, Oliver's beat steadied hers. When the unceasing pulsing made her body weak, Oliver buoyed her with his unending strength.

Then, finally, he rolled her effortlessly onto her back, gently shifting her legs high around him, so he could drive in deeper. Felicity clung to him, her hands tiny against the broadness of his back. She raked her fingers through his hair, pulling at every part of him, urging him to go faster and harder. Felicity called to him with every whisper of his name. The final thrusts, the final waves and the final cry of her name were Oliver's answer.

There was a moment of silence as the two laid side by side, each relishing the contented peace they'd found. Even though Felicity was mere inches away, she felt miles away. The need to touch her, to hold her, began to rise in Oliver almost immediately. Just as Felicity was about to speak, Oliver rolled over her and began again.

_ ***Daydream by Ruelle _

Tommy stood at the edge of a dilapidated roof, looking down on the Glades. He’d spent the day wandering around the city, considering his options, and ended up here. The Glades still bore the scars of the Undertaking. Just below him was the crumbled wreckage of CNRI. There was nothing left, but broken brick and mortar. He expected to feel anger or even fear when he saw the place of his death once again, but all Tommy could remember was the overwhelming peace he felt with Oliver in his final moments. It gave Tommy the strength for what he knew had to come next. Resolved, he picked up the phone and dialed. Darhk's voiced echoed on the other end.

"It's Agent 94," Tommy said. "It's... Thomas."

Darhk sighed, "Haven't I killed you yet?"

"I think you'll find that difficult."

"We'll see."

"I want to make a deal."

"You've got nothing I want, Thomas. You're nothing more than a misfiring weapon. A virus... one I plan on eradicating very soon."

"Trust me, Darhk, you'll want to make this deal," Tommy countered confidently.

"Alright. Make your offer."

"First, tell me the truth. Is there a cure for the Lazarus Pit bloodlust?"

"Yes," Darhk answered matter-of-factly.

Suspicious, Tommy asked, "How do I know you're not lying?"

Damien chuckled, "You don't, but I'm not. In the world of mysticism, Thomas... there's always a loophole."

Tommy took a deep breath, "Okay. You're going to give me the cure."

"I am?"

"Yes."

"In exchange for?"

"I'm a misfiring weapon, right? Well... this time I won't miss. I'll bring you Oliver Queen."

"How do I know this isn't a trick?"

Now it was Tommy's turn to chuckle. "You don't. So I guess we both have something to risk, don't we Darhk?" When there was nothing but silence, Tommy continued, "I've infiltrated... just like you planned. Oliver trusts me. I'll get it done."

"See that you do. Or you'll meet the end of my blade," Darhk threatened as he ended the call.

"Well, it seems I'll need you for more than insurance, Ms. Queen," Darhk whispered, his voice low and eerie.

He bent over and unhooked a still unconscious Thea from the monitors. She was still dressed in only a hospital gown, so Damien wrapped a blanket around her to keep Thea warm. Then, he scooped her up into his arms. He stepped over the bodies of the doctor, nurses and security guards he'd killed. Damien gathered Thea into his arms and fired the grappling hook gun through the shattered window. When the steel hit the concrete of the building roof across the street, Damien put Thea over his shoulder and sailed into the night.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s not necessary to read Once and Forever Queen first, but it would be helpful. 
> 
> ***Music I listened to while writing the story

_***Thistle & Weeds by Mumford & Sons _

Felicity slept peacefully on Oliver's chest, completely exhausted. Oliver, however, remained awake, quietly listening to the sound of her breath coming out in even and deep intervals. He gently stroked Felicity's back, feeling the heat radiate under his fingers. Oliver smiled as Felicity contently sighed, and he pushed the hair from her face. His phone rudely started buzzing, spoiling the peace of the moment. It was Tommy. Very carefully, Oliver eased Felicity off his chest without waking her.

In a low whisper, Oliver said, "Tommy? Where the hell are you?"

"Ollie... Darhk took Thea," Tommy bluntly answered.

Stunned, Oliver said, "What?"

"I went to the hospital to see her. She was missing, and there was a bunch of dead bodies in her room."

"Are you sure it's Darhk?"

"On my suspect list of one? Yeah, I'm sure. This guy trained me, Oliver. I know his handy work when I see it.”

“Why were you visiting Thea?” Oliver asked suspiciously.

“I wanted to check on her,” Tommy defensively answered.

“Where the hell have you been all day?” Oliver demanded.

Tommy firmly said, “That’s not important. What’s important is Thea. The bodies were warm, so I don’t think he’s too far ahead. I can track him, but it will go faster with both of us.”

“Where are you? Cops will be swarming soon.”

“I’m in the alley behind the hospital. I know how to be invisible, Oliver.”

"Okay - I'll be there."

Oliver was already zipping up the suit when Felicity finally stirred. She rubbed her eyes and sat up, "What's going on?"

"It's Tommy. Thea's gone. Darhk took her."

"Oh my god."

"I'm going to meet Tommy in the alley behind the hospital," Oliver explained as he reached for his bow.

"Wait. I'll come with you."

"No, I need you here. Get the team. Tell them to meet me in the alley. Felicity, I'm Thea's brother. The cops are going to come looking for me."

"Don't worry. I'll handle it," Felicity paused and asked, "Are you sure you don't want to wait for the team before you head over?"

Oliver shook his head, "No. There's no time. Darhk will be moving fast... we need to start tracking him."

Felicity nodded, "Okay."

She wrapped the sheet around her tightly and reached for her dress. Oliver bent over and gave her a quick kiss. He headed towards the door, but stopped short when Felicity called out to him.

"Oliver!"

He turned impatiently, "Yeah?"

Felicity hesitated. The words were on her lips, but she couldn't tell him now.

"Felicity? What is it?"

She shook her head, "Nothing... just be careful."

With a confident nod, Oliver left. Felicity sat in the bunker, the bed now cold from Oliver's absence and the sheet a poor replacement for his constant warmth. Felicity felt a shiver go down her spine, but it wasn't from the chilled air. She wasn't able to shake the dread in the pit of her stomach.

_***The River by Blues Saraceno_

Oliver met Tommy in the back alley behind the hospital. He was dressed in his H.I.V.E. uniform.

"What the hell is going on?" Oliver demanded. "You’ve been MIA all day Tommy. Time’s up. You need to tell me what your plan is.”

"If my father gives Darhk the League, then it’s an army against the five of us. My plan was to infiltrate. Make Darhk believe I was operational again. I needed to get close, so he would tell me cure. Then I could kill him. That, however, doesn’t happen overnight, Oliver. I needed time and I needed to distance myself from you and Laurel, so he’d buy it,” Tommy explained.

Oliver softened, “You could have told me, Tommy.”

“He’s watching you, Oliver. He’s watching all of you. My father probably is too. I needed you all to believe exactly what you thought… that I was MIA. But I wasn’t expecting him to take Thea.”

"Neither was I. We should have been prepared for it."

Frustrated, Tommy said, “He’s got her as leverage no matter how I play this now. The time it would take to infiltrate… I can’t let Darhk have Thea for that long. It’s too risky.”

“We’ll take him down together,” Oliver said confidently.

Tommy nodded, “We need to move fast. He's headed north. There's a grappling hook mark on the building across the street."

Oliver nodded and turned, "Alright. Let's move."

"There's just one problem."

Oliver faced Tommy, "What?"

"You."

With lightening speed, Tommy jammed a syringe into Oliver's neck. Oliver grabbed his wrist, but wasn't fast enough to stop Tommy from pushing the plunger in. He fell to his knees, a woozy feeling overtaking him.

"Tommy... what the...?" Oliver murmured before he collapsed.

"Sorry, buddy. This is the way it's gotta be," Tommy whispered softly as he dragged Oliver's unconscious body to a nearby car. He threw him in the trunk and sped off.

Diggle and Laurel, dressed in their respective suits, arrived in the alley a few moments later. They searched high and low for Tommy and Oliver, but found nothing. Diggle tapped into his comms to contact Felicity.

"They aren't here Felicity," Diggle answered. "I thought Oliver said to meet at the hospital."

"They probably got a jump on tracking Darhk. Call his comms," Felicity answered.

"We tried that. He didn't answer," Laurel responded.

"Hang on," Felicity said as she checked the connection. "His comms are down. Let me try his GPS tag."

Laurel and Diggle waited patiently, but when Felicity's voice crackled in their ears once again it was filled with dread.

"It's down."

"Both his comms and his tracer?" Diggle asked suspiciously.

"There’s some kind of jamming signal being admitted throughout the city. I can't even see where you guys are anymore."

"Can you break through it?" Laurel asked.

"I can cycle the frequencies through a spread spectrum modulation, but it's going to take some time. My father must be targeting my access point, but it's encrypted. I need to crack it."

"Well... how many frequencies do you have to search?" Laurel asked.

"About 300 million," Felicity answered bluntly.

"Oh. Well... crap," Laurel said.

"I think we're missing the bigger picture here," Diggle said. "Tommy asked Oliver to meet him here, and now Oliver's missing."

"Maybe they were both taken," Laurel argued.

"Both of them get jumped? With what army? Because that's what it would take. Darhk doesn't have an army. H.I.V.E. is gone."

"So what are you saying?" Laurel asked, crossing her arms.

"Oliver has eyes in the back of his head. He's not easy to take down without overwhelming force, Laurel, but there's no signs of a struggle. But... if it was someone he trusted. If his guard was down... maybe..."

"No. Tommy would never. You're wrong. Tell him, Felicity," Laurel adamantly argued.

Felicity answered, "I can't, Laurel. He's right."

Diggle looked around the empty alley and said, "Which means we've got a really big problem."

_***Scars by Boy Epic_

Oliver was conscious again, but he was still very groggy. He stumbled as Tommy dragged him across the roof of Merlyn Consolidated, tossing him roughly at the feet of Damien Darhk who was waiting with Thea. She was dressed in a H.I.V.E. uniform. She didn't register any emotion when she saw Tommy and Oliver. She simply stared off blankly into space.

"You delivered. I have to admit I'm a little surprised," Darhk mused.

"The cure, Darhk. Now!" Tommy demanded.

Oliver woozily began to argue, "You can't be serious, Tommy. You can't trust -"

Tommy backhanded Oliver hard as he sneered, "Shut up, Oliver," he focused back on Darhk. "We had a deal: Oliver for the cure."

Damien smiled and glanced at his watch, "Well... you aren't the only appointment I have tonight."

Malcolm Merlyn walked through the door that opened to the roof with dozens of League of Assassins members spilling in after him.

Darhk grinned, "Right on time, Merlyn."

Tommy pointed at his father and yelled, "Wait. What the hell is this?"

"What the hell is my son doing here?" Merlyn added.

Damien chuckled, "You two should talk more."

"Answer the question, Darhk or the deal is off," Merlyn demanded.

Damien's smile faded, "The deal is not off, Merlyn. In case you've both forgotten... I have Thea under my complete control. Perhaps a demonstration is in order."

Darhk pulled out a gun and handed it to Thea who took it obediently.

"Put it in your mouth," he ordered calmly.

Thea put the gun in her mouth and waited. Damien looked at Merlyn expectantly, "Shall I have her pull the trigger?"

"No!" Oliver shouted, trying to stand but he fell to his feet again.

Merlyn held up his hand, "Enough."

"No need to be upset, Malcolm. I just gave you a demonstration of the power you'll soon have. Now give me the League," Darhk said.

"What is he talking about?" Tommy asked.

Merlyn looked down at his ring and slipped it off his finger slowly. He tossed it to Damien who caught it effortlessly. He slipped it on his finger, a slow and eerie smile breaking over his face. He held up a hand and the legions behind Merlyn moved in seamless transition behind him.

"The pills," Merlyn commanded.

Damien reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bottle as well as syringe. He handed Merlyn both.

"It's an isotope injection. My own design. A gamma ray specific to you and you alone. It will only be compatible with your DNA makeup. The same isotope is in the drug in minimal amounts. Inject it into your bloodstream and whoever ingests the drug will listen to your commands and only yours."

"You can't be serious!” Tommy yelled. “You refused the League to save Thea's life but now--"

"I am saving her life! And yours! Don't you see? I'll take away the pain and the responsibility. You won't have to live with the guilt, Tommy. Neither will your sister."

"You wouldn't have traded the League for something so small as Thea and Tommy's life, Merlyn," Oliver groggily murmured, his head rolling aimlessly side to side as he struggled to focus.

Merlyn glared at Oliver, "You're right. You always wanted to save this city, Oliver, but you can't. The only way to change this city is to bend it to your will, and you don't have the stomach for that. I do."

"Because your will has benefited us all before," Tommy snapped.

Merlyn seemed almost desperate as he continued to explain, "This drug has the power to reach anyone anywhere, and I don't have to lift a finger. I can do so much more with it than I could ever have done with the League."

"Thank God my mother is dead so she doesn't have to see the monster you've become," Tommy responded dejectedly.

"Whatever deal you've made with him... you don't need it. I can fix you with this. You'll be safe with me, Tommy," Merlyn said holding the bottle firmly in his hand. "I'll protect you. The madness will be gone. You'll be free. I'll give you back your life."

"That's not a life, Dad," Tommy whispered. "Believe me." Tommy turned to face Damien and said, "The cure."

Damien shrugged, "A deal is a deal. You're not going to like it though."

"Stop posturing."

"Fine. The Lazarus Pit is a mystical anomaly. It creates an imbalance and nature will always find a way to correct it. The pit uses the blood of untold generations to restore the body from death. When you use the pit, you enter into the bloodline. You bond to it. You become the living embodiment of it."

"Yeah... I know this part already. Cut to the chase," Tommy pushed impatiently.

"If you want to permanently break the connection... someone has to take your place in the bloodline."

"Right. Hence the bloodlust and the killing. How do I make it stop?" Tommy demanded.

Damien shook his head, "You're not hearing me, Thomas. Someone has to take your place. Meaning... your blood. Your bloodline."

Malcolm closed his eyes in dread, "Oh my god..."

Tommy whispered, " _Blood for blood_."

"If you want to be rid of the bloodlust forever... you need to kill a family member," Damien finished, a satisfied smirk on his face. He examined his cuticles, a little bored, and added, "Can you see why most prefer to kill perfect strangers?"

Damien stepped forward, until he was mere inches from Malcolm Merlyn. He softly sneered, "Any volunteers?"

The two men stared each other down, but eventually Merlyn looked away. Damien chuckled, "That's what I thought."

"Tommy, you don't need his cure. Not when I have these pills -"

"Shut up, Dad," Tommy said sadly. "I mean it. Enough."

"Don't blame him, Thomas. He was never really an option," Damien motioned towards Merlyn and the legions of assassins surrounded him. "Nor is he going to put a stop to it. No, if you want out, you need to kill your sister."

"Why do you care who I kill?"

"Because you care. You were my weapon and you misfired. I warned you there would be repercussions for disobedience. This is it. So the question is... how much do you want your freedom?"

Damien snapped his fingers and an assassin came forward with two swords. He handed one to Thea who took it wordlessly. Oliver stood to his feet despite wobbling a bit.

"Tommy, no. You can't do this. We'll find another way."

Tommy stared at the sword in the assassin's hand. His face was cold and hard making it unreadable to Oliver. Resolutely he took the sword from the assassin's hand.

"There is no other way, Ollie. I won't live like this anymore."

"For god sake, Tommy, she's your sister!" Oliver shouted.

"Not today," Tommy answered, gritting his teeth.

Despite his bound hands, Oliver lunged at Tommy. Damien blocked Oliver easily and knocked him hard to the ground. Thea and Tommy began to circle each other.

"Leave Thea and Tommy out this. It's me you want."

"You're right. The only reason they are here is because _you_ are in their life. No matter who dies today, Al Sah-Him... it is you who killed them."

Oliver scoffed, "You're such a coward. You hide behind H.I.V.E., the League, your drugs, your pointless games... even your own daughter."

Damien backhanded Oliver hard in the face.

Oliver spat out some blood, "You had to tie me up to beat me."

Damien kneeled so he was eye level with Oliver. "I'm not interested in beating you, Al Sah-Him. I want to break you. You took everything from me. So, now you're going to watch as I take everything from you. Then, when there's no one and nothing left, I'm going to rip your heart from your chest."

"She'll never forgive you."

Damien shook his head sadly, "I lost her the day she married you."

"Then just kill me. You'll get what you want. I'll be gone. You don't have to do this."

"I know. I want to do this," Damien stood and looked calmly at Thea and ordered, "Kill him."

_***This Is A War by Losers_

Thea swung swiftly at Tommy, and he easily blocked her blade. As they traded blows they moved in almost perfect synch, like a dance. Thea broke from the rhythm to swipe at Tommy's knees, but he jumped high and came down with a hard blow against Thea's face. She flipped backward to increase the distance between them again, circling Tommy like a lioness on the hunt.

Oliver was struggling helplessly against the ropes when he heard a crackling in his ear.

"Ol..i..ver...it's Overwatch. We're coming," Felicity's voice echoed weakly through the comms.

Damien had dialed into Team Arrow’s radio signal to track Felicity’s progress, but he didn’t expect to hear his daughter’s voice so soon, "I'm surprised, daughter. I thought it would take you longer to decode the encryption."

"Then maybe you shouldn't have used a broad spectrum analysis I could have decoded in the fourth grade."

Damien smirked, "Or maybe I just wanted you to listen in."

Felicity ignored him, "Spartan and Black Canary are two minutes out."

Thea found her opening and charged Tommy again, increasing the speed of her swings. At first, Tommy struggled to keep up, but then he spun and sliced Thea in the arm. The blood dripped down Thea's arm. Oliver could have sworn he saw Tommy flinch at the sight of an injured Thea, but it was gone an instant. The wound triggered Thea's bloodlust. Enraged, she charged Tommy like a wild animal.

"This thing is going to be over in one," Oliver answered.

Thea quickly overwhelmed Tommy with her blows, and she knocked his sword from his hand. Surprisingly, Tommy stopped fighting back. He fell to his knees with his arms open in surrender.

"What's going on?" Felicity demanded.

It finally clicked with Oliver. He answered, "You were right. Tommy's plan sucks."

Just as Thea was about to raise the final blow to Tommy's throat, Oliver called out.

"THEA! DON'T!"

_***Murder Song (5, 4, 3, 2, 1) by Aurora_

Thea froze, the blaze inches from Tommy's throat. Damien's smile immediately faded.

"What are you waiting for? I said kill him!" Damien barked.

With shaking hand, Thea pressed the blade against Tommy's neck and broke the skin. The blood began to glisten in the moonlight, but Tommy didn't flinch. He didn't even move.

"Thea! Thea listen to me. I know you're still in there. You don't want to do this," Oliver called out desperately.

"Be quiet, Oliver," Tommy argued. "Look at me, Thea. Look in my eyes."

Thea complied and met Tommy's soft gaze. "It's okay. I want you to do this. There's no wrong in it. You are setting us both free."

Oliver's eyes flicked to Malcolm Merlyn who was watching in stunned silence. Malcolm was unable to speak as the reality of what Tommy was willing to sacrifice hit him.

Oliver pressed on, "Tommy, you can't do this to her. She'll never be able to live with herself."

Tommy shifted his gaze from Thea to Oliver and gently said, "But she'll live, Ollie. That's what matters."

"Tommy --"

"No, Ollie. No more. I won't live like this... and our little sister shouldn't have to."

"Enough! DO IT!" Damien yelled.

"Thea, don't listen to him. Or to Tommy. Or your father. Or even me. Just listen to the voice inside you. To that piece of you that's stronger than any drug... stronger than any of us. You can fight this. You can choose for yourself."

Tears sprang into Thea's eyes as her hands began to shake more. She gripped the sword with her free hand, trying to steady it.

"Thea... he's your brother," Oliver added softly. "Look at his neck. He's bleeding."

Thea's eyes flicked to Tommy's injury, and they widened in horror. She stumbled back and dropped the sword, letting it clatter at her feet.  

"No. That's not possible," Damien whispered stunned.

Thea fell to her knees, pressing her hands against her head as if she was trying to crush her skull. Then, she let out a blood-curdling scream. There was absolute stillness on the roof, until finally, she rose from the ground. With a shaking hand, she reached for Tommy.

"No. You don't get to quit on me, understand?" she said, voice shaking.

Tommy stared at Thea's hand for what seemed like forever, but then, finally he reached for it. With tears in his eyes, he said, "Together?"

Thea gripped his hand firmly and pulled him up as she answered, "Together."

The hollow sound of Damien Darhk's applause echoed through the night air.

"Beautiful display of love and devotion. Truly. I'm touched," he sarcastically said. He motioned to the legions behind him, "Kill them."

_***Payback by Vo Ft. Shockbit_

The league descended on Tommy and Thea, and they lunged for their swords to defend themselves. Merlyn began to fight back against the assassins guarding him, pulling a sword from his sheath. He easily beat back several of the men and moved in front of Tommy and Thea, prepared to defend them.

Damien pulled the gun from his jacket and aimed it Oliver. Oliver flipped on his back and grabbed Damien's wrist in between his feet, giving his arm a hard twist. The gun fell from Damien's hand harmlessly on the ground. Before he could reach for it again, Oliver hit him with a solid roundhouse kick to the face, knocking him to the ground. One of the League members tossed a sword in Damien's direction and he faced Oliver again. He charged at Oliver, slicing at him as he moved. Oliver, arms still tied behind him, weaved deftly around Damien's swings. He somersaulted and rolled behind Damien, giving him another swift kick from behind. This time, Damien retained his balance and countered easily, knocking Oliver onto his back. Just as he was about to deliver a final bow, Black Canary's baton came hurdling through the air, knocking the sword from Damien's hand.

Diggle and Laurel soared into the chaos, joining the fight. Diggle immediately went to Oliver's aid as Laurel took on Damien Darhk. She opened her mouth for the Canary Cry, but nothing came out. Damien pulled the transmitter blocking it from his pocket.

Damien smirked, "Seems I broke your toy, Ms. Lance."

Laurel tossed it casually to the ground and answered confidently, "I don't need it."

The two began to battle, with Laurel matching Damien Darhk blow for blow, while Diggle struggled to untie Oliver.

"I thought you could get yourself out of zip cuffs," Diggle chided. As his eyes fell upon the intricate loops Tommy had tied his voice fell, "Oh."

"Yeah, not exactly zip cuffs back there," Oliver muttered.

"Does the League teach some sort of knot class?"

"Sure, right after Mystical Potions and 10 Ways To Disembowel Your Enemy," Oliver shot back.

"Boys! I don't know if you've noticed but we've got open warfare going on. Focus!" Felicity ordered.

"Oh screw this," Diggle muttered as he took out a knife and sliced through the ropes, albeit with some difficulty.

As he freed Oliver, an assassin swung at Diggle. Oliver grabbed Diggle's neck and bent him low, so the blade narrowly missed his neck. He rolled over Diggle and traded punches. With a firm right cross, Oliver rendered the assassin unconscious.

Diggle tossed Oliver his bow, "Found this in Tommy's car."

Oliver grinned, "Thanks" and he fired off several arrows, bringing league members down. He wobbled a bit, and Diggle regarded him in concern.

"You okay?"

Oliver nodded and said, "Yeah. Go help Tommy and Thea."

Damien Darhk was beginning to overwhelm Laurel, but one arrow from Oliver shifted his focus. Laurel backed off and went to assist Tommy, who was fighting off several League members by himself. Oliver fired multiple arrows at Darhk, but he blocked them all easily. Oliver charged and slid to the ground, coming up behind Damien. Darhk swung the sword down, narrowly missing Oliver, as he rolled to the side. Oliver back flipped to his feet and the two men continued to battle.

_***Hold On To Your Life by Sam Tinnesz_

Oliver gained the upper hand quickly, but a sudden wave of wooziness from the drugs hit him and he stumbled. Darhk capitalized on the slip and delivered a punishing blow to Oliver's temple. It stunned him and he fell to the ground. Damien followed it up with a knee to the stomach and then the face. Dazed, Oliver fell onto his back. Damien picked up Oliver’s bow and tossed it out of the way. He stood over Oliver and twirled the sword. Just as he was about to strike, Oliver kicked the sword out of Damien’s hand and sent it skittering across the roof. Damien lunged for Oliver in a rage. They struggled briefly, but Damien soon gained the upper hand. Damien grabbed Oliver by the throat and began to squeeze.

"In retrospect, this way is better. I’ve heard you can survive the sword, Al Sah-Him. Besides, I want her to listen to you die slowly.” he whispered menacingly. The drugs had weakened Oliver, and he struggled to fight off Darhk. Oliver strained against Damien's vice grip and began to wheeze.

Listening to Oliver's struggling breath, Felicity whispered, "Oliver?"

Oliver glanced wildly around him, but all the team members were battling for their own lives against the League. He pulled at Damien's arms, but to no avail.

"Felicity..." Oliver gasped.

Laurel saw Oliver struggling against Damien's grasp, but then glanced towards Tommy. He was being driven to the edge of the roof by the League. Both men needed her help, but Laurel knew she could only save one. She had to choose.

Laurel continued to fight her way to the edge of Merlyn Global’s roof. To Tommy.

The world around Oliver went bright red, then white, until finally a blackness began to envelope Oliver. His arms went limp, his breath coming out in straggled intervals, each longer than the other.

Felicity knew she was listening to Oliver die. She stood in a panic, but then suddenly, felt a rush of anger.

"Oliver Jonas Queen you are not dying! Do you hear me? There is no way I am raising this baby all by myself!"

Oliver's eyes flew open. The surprise in his eyes was matched only by the surprise in Damien's.

"Now get up!" Felicity commanded.

Oliver felt a surge of energy course through his body. He grabbed Damien's forearms with both hands and, using every ounce of strength he had, pulled his hands off his throat. Crying out from the strain, Oliver propelled Damien off him. Without releasing his grip, Oliver rose to his feet and forced Damien to his knees. Then, he snapped Damien's wrist like a twig. Darhk's screams cut through the sounds of battle, blanketing the rooftop in his howling agony.

_***Don't Let Me Go by Raign_

Tommy balanced precariously at the edge as Laurel came to his aid. Together they fought off the three league members surrounding them. As Tommy delivered a final blow to the last assassin, though, the ninja kicked Tommy in the stomach and sent him flying off the roof along with her.

"Tommy!" Laurel cried out as he fell. Without thinking, Laurel lunged for him. She grasped his wrist at the final second and held onto the building by a steel pipe. It felt like every tendon was tearing under the strain of Tommy's weight, and Laurel gritted her teeth against the searing, white hot, pain.

"Tommy, reach up. I can't hold you," Laurel pleaded.

Tommy looked up and shook his head, "I can't reach. Let me go, Laurel. I'm going to pull you down with me."

"No!" she cried out and gripped his wrist tighter.

"Damn it, Laurel, let go!"

"I can't!" Laurel answered tearfully.

"Why?"

"Because... we're stuck together. Remember?"

With tears in his eyes, Tommy answered, "Yeah. I remember."

Then, he began to slip further from Laurel's grasp. She screamed out for help.

"Oliver!"

Oliver hesitated, for the briefest of seconds, just as he was about to deliver the final blow to Damien Darhk. Then, he heard Laurel cry his name. He turned and saw her dangling from the edge of the building. Oliver raced toward Laurel, grabbing his bow from the ground as he did.

Just as Tommy slipped from Laurel's grasp, an arm shot down, appearing almost from nowhere, and caught him effortlessly. Laurel, her face streaked in tears under her mask, looked to her right. There Oliver stood with a steel grip on Tommy's forearm.

"Jeez, Merlyn. What'd you put on? Fifty pounds of pure muscle?" Oliver grimaced.

Tommy grinned up at Oliver gratefully and answered, "Now you know how it feels."

Laurel laughed in pure relief, and Oliver looked at her warmly. "Together?"

She nodded, "Together." She reached down for Tommy's other hand, who grasped it tightly. Then, Oliver and Laurel simultaneously pulled Tommy up together. He rolled over the edge, and the three of them collapsed to the ground. Laurel stood first and helped Oliver and Tommy to their feet.

Damien Darhk rose to his feet as well and reached for the fallen gun. Laurel saw it first. She turned and threw her arms around Tommy as the shot rang out. Oliver spun on his heels and fired two arrows in Darhk's direction. One sliced through his hand, and he dropped the gun. The other went through his shoulder, and he fell to the ground.

Laurel gripped Tommy tightly, hugging him close. She pulled back and touched his face softly, "Are you okay?"

Tommy nodded, "I'm good. Are you?"

Laurel nodded, "Yeah. I'm okay. I was just worried about y..."

Laurel faltered as blood began to dribble from the side of her mouth.

Alarmed, Tommy cried out, "Laurel? Laurel!"

Tommy caught her as she slumped to the ground. The blood from the bullet wound in her abdomen began to spill onto the concrete.

"It's okay... I think I just got the wind knocked out of me," Laurel stammered in shock.

"You're alright. You're going to be alright," Tommy answered, fighting the rising panic in his voice. He looked helplessly at Oliver, "Ollie?"

Oliver pushed Tommy’s hand into Laurel’s wound. She cried out in pain, but Oliver didn't relent. "Keep pressure on it."

Malcolm Merlyn stabbed an assassin through the chest and watched as Tommy cradled Laurel in his arms. His gaze traveled to Damien and the fallen gun. Without hesitation, Merlyn marched up to the injured Darhk and plunged a sword through his chest. Oliver stood up in shock.

"Malcolm!"

Ignoring him, Merlyn began to whisper in Arabic, "Forgive and have mercy upon him. Excuse and pardon him. Make honorable his reception. Protect him from the punishment of the grave and the torment of fire."

As Damien flopped to the ground, Merlyn added, "You'll forgive me if I don't offer you the same salvation you bestowed upon me." He grabbed the ring roughly from Damien's hand and slipped it onto his finger. Merlyn turned to face the battle. "I am Ra's Al Ghul! I order you to hold!"

The League froze and turned to face their new leader. Without hesitation, they sheathed their swords. Breathlessly, Thea and Diggle staggered to Tommy, Oliver and the fallen Laurel.

Merlyn looked his son softly, "You'll face no further resistance from the League."

Merlyn looked down at the bottle in his hand and threw it to the ground, shattering the glass. He stomped on the pills, smashing them down with his foot until there was nothing but powder. Malcolm waited until the wind carried the powder away, erasing it from existence. Without another word, he left with the League.

"Everybody needs to stop making... a fuss... it's just a scratch," Laurel argued.

Tommy shook his head, "You've been shot, Laurel. It's a little more than a scratch."

"Still... I think I can walk..." Laurel's voice began to grow faint and her eyes grew distant. She looked past Tommy's shoulder, and a small smile broke over her face.

"Sara?"

Laurel saw Sara, dressed as The Canary standing over her. Sara smiled back at her sister just before Laurel lost consciousness.

"Laurel?" Tommy looked up at Oliver alarmed.

The sound of Sara's name on Laurel's lips sent a chill down Oliver's spine.

"Get her to the hospital, now," Oliver ordered.

Quickly, Tommy gathered Laurel up in his arms, and Thea followed close behind.

“Oliver? What happened? What’s going on?” Felicity demanded over the comms.

Oliver took a deep breath, “Black Canary’s been shot, and Malcolm put a sword in Damien’s chest. He’s bleeding out right now.”

There was a brief pause, but then Felicity spoke in a cool, calm and even voice, “Who shot Black Canary?”

Oliver hesitated, “Overwatch -”

“Who shot her?”

Oliver answered, “Darhk.”

Without missing a beat, Felicity said, “Let him bleed out.”

In his surprise, Oliver broke from her code name, “Felicity -”

“I warned him what would happen. Leave him.”

There was a long, heavy pause as Oliver and Diggle absorbed Felicity’s order. Finally, Diggle patched in and resolutely answered, “Copy that.”

Felicity said, “I’m going to find Captain Lance. We’ll meet you at the hospital. Overwatch signing off.”

Oliver sighed heavily when he heard nothing but silence on the other end of the comms. He walked towards the fallen Damien Darhk and stood over him. The blood was beginning to pool all around his body, sticky and wet, oozing slowly towards Oliver’s feet. Damien was motionless and seemingly lifeless. Oliver knelt beside Damien and felt for a pulse. He sensed Diggle at his side.

"What happens now? Diggle asked softly.

"I need to ask you to do something for me, John... and you're not going to like it," Oliver answered.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s not necessary to read Once and Forever Queen first, but it would be helpful. 
> 
> ***Music I listened to while writing the story  
> 

_***End Of The Affair by Ben Howard_

Tommy sat by Laurel's bedside, holding her hand, as Oliver spoke to the doctor. The surgeon was able to remove the bullet, but the words "critical condition" hung in the room. After the doctor left, neither Tommy nor Oliver said anything for awhile. They simply watched Laurel as she slept, and Tommy stroked her hair.

“This is my fault,” Tommy whispered.

Oliver looked at him in surprise and answered, “It’s really not, Tommy.”

Tommy nodded, “Yeah, it is. I played Russian roulette with everyone’s lives, and Laurel ended up with the bullet.”

“Damien Darhk put Laurel in that bed. Not you.”

“Why aren’t you angry with me? I kidnapped you for god’s sake.”

Oliver shrugged, “Not the first time I’ve been kidnapped by someone I love. My mother… Felicity.”

“Felicity?”

Oliver chuckled to himself, “Yeah. She drugged me too. She was trying to help me escape from Ra’s Al Ghul. In that moment I really understood how much she loved me… how far she’d go to protect me.”

“Handing you over to Damien Darhk was far from protecting you, Oliver,” Tommy said.

“I know that, but I also know that you asked me to trust you. I saw how far you were willing to go for Thea. I know your intentions were good… just like Felicity’s.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I know you. No matter how broken you are, I believe that the Tommy I know and love is still in there. If you can’t believe anything else - believe that.”

Tommy sighed, ruefully, “I told you the truth… part of it at least. I needed to gain Darhk’s trust to infiltrate. I just thought offering you would expedite things. And with Thea under his control… your reaction had to be real. It was risky, but I knew your team would come for you.”

“And if it was too late?”

“I would have killed Darhk long before he ever had a chance to hurt you, Oliver. I swear it on my mother’s grave,” Tommy emphatically said.

“I’m not talking about me, Tommy. I’m talking about you.”

Tommy closed his eyes, “I wish you could understand what it is like in my head…  what it’s like in Thea’s head. Believe me, Oliver, trading my life for Thea’s didn’t feel like a sacrifice. It felt like freedom. It felt like a way out.”

“We’ll find another way out. It just might take time,” Oliver softly said.

Tommy ran his thumb lightly over Laurel’s hand and said, “I just wanted to protect them… Laurel… Thea…”

“They don’t need your protection, Tommy. They just need your love,” Oliver simply stated.

Tommy raised his eyebrows in surprise, “Well, that’s something I never thought I’d hear you say.”

“Yeah well, Felicity has been beating it into me for the last four years. I have the bruises to show for it.”

Tommy smiled a little, “My mom used to do the same thing with my dad. She was the only one he’d ever listen to.”

The men fell into a silence, each lost in their own thoughts and memories. When Tommy spoke again his voice was very quiet and distant, as if he was reaching for some far away memory and the tighter it grasped him the more it pulled him away.

"When my mother died, you said she was an angel. I remember what I said to you now. I told you I didn't want my mother to be angel. I wanted her to be my mom again." Tommy finally looked Oliver, tears shining in his eyes, "I can't lose another woman I love to the angels again, Ollie. I won't survive it."

"Laurel will come back to you," Oliver reassured.

"You don't know that."

Oliver swallowed hard, "I know, but I believe it. Laurel is a fighter."

Tommy nodded in a silent agreement, desperate to cling to the hope Oliver was giving. Oliver paused before continuing, "Now it’s my turn to apologize, Tommy.”

"I thought we established Damien Darhk is the one who put her in this bed.”

"No... not about that, about what happened between me and Laurel. Before the Undertaking."

Tommy shook his head, "Oliver... now isn't the time --"

"No. Please. I need to say this and you need to hear it."

"Alright."

Oliver took a deep breath, "It shouldn't have happened. Laurel and me. I betrayed our friendship. You deserved better from me. And... I'm sorry."

"We broke up, Ollie..."

"Because of me, Tommy. Laurel was happy with you, and I just confused her. It was selfish. I should have let her go."

Tommy met Oliver's gaze and asked, "Why didn't you?"

"I wanted to fix what I broke. I didn't realize you already had. Not until it was too late."

Tommy nodded in acceptance of Oliver's confession and apology.

"You were wrong about something though," Oliver added.

"What?"

"Whatever Laurel is holding onto... it's not me."

Tommy gripped Laurel's hand tighter and kissed it as the tears fell down his face.

"Yeah... I know. That's what scares me."

_***I Remember Her by Ingrid Michaelson_

Laurel opened her eyes and a bright, blinding light hit her. It stung, so she immediately closed them again. She tried again, only more slowly this time, to allow her eyes time to adjust. At first she was confused. She was in an alley, but she didn’t know where. Yet, it felt familiar. Laurel glanced down and saw she was still dressed in her Black Canary suit, minus the bullet wound. In fact, she felt stronger than ever. Lighter... somehow.

"Hey sis."

Laurel turned and there was Sara with her beautiful and bright smile. The one Laurel had so longed to see again.

"Sara!"

Laurel rushed to Sara's open arms and the two sisters hugged for what seemed like forever. Everything about Sara came rushing back: the sparkle of blue in her eyes, a glint of mischievousness, the faint scent of jasmine in her hair. She felt so small in Laurel's arms, the way she did when they were little girls. Laurel pulled away and ran her hands up and down Sara's arms, squeezing them to feel her bones, to make sure she was real.

"I don't understand. How are you here? Was it the Lazarus Pit? Are you-"

"No... Laurel. No," Sara answered gently.

Laurel looked around confused and asked, "I don't understand. Where are we then?"

"I chose this place because it's where everything changed for you," Sara explained.

Laurel stepped back and turned around in a full circle, "This is the alley where you fell, where I held your lifeless body," alarmed she asked, "You chose this place? I don’t want to be here, Sara. I never wanted to be here again.”

“I know, but I think you’re stuck here.”

“What are you talking about?”

Sara smiled sadly, "We don't have a lot of time, Laurel."

Laurel warily asked, "For what?"

"You have to choose whether you want to live or die."

Laurel looked at Sara in shock, "Is that what happened to you?"

Sara sadly answered, "Not all of us are given a choice, Laurel. Sometimes death chooses for you. You're one of the lucky ones."

Laurel took a deep breath, "I'm not afraid to die, Sara."

Sara sighed and held open her hand to her sister, "I know. You're scared to live."

_***Never Get To Heaven by Sarah Blaine_

Thea walked into Laurel's hospital room, holding two cups of coffee.

"Felicity called. She's on the way with Captain Lance," Thea said to Oliver. "How is she?"

"No change," Oliver answered before putting an arm around Thea's shoulder,  kissing her head gently. "How are you?"

Thea rubbed her head, "I'm trying Ollie to hold on. For Laurel, but the voices..."

"Maybe I can help with that," Malcolm said as he entered the room. He was dressed in a simple grey suit.

Tommy stood, "Get the hell out of here."

Merlyn held his palms open, "I come in peace. All I'm asking for is a moment of your time," he paused. "Please."

Taking their silence as agreement, Merlyn smiled and said, "Follow me."

They followed him up the stairs that led to the roof of the hospital. There, waiting for them, was the League. Tommy, Oliver and Thea immediately took a defensive position.

"I'm not here to fight."

"Then why are you here?" Tommy demanded.

Merlyn looked around and shrugged, "I suppose this place is as good as any, seeing as how I should have died on a roof. Isn't that right, Oliver?"

Oliver couldn't offer Merlyn anything, but confusion. Malcolm smiled a little as he walked towards one of the League members, who was holding Merlyn's bow. He grasped it tightly, raking his eyes over it adoringly, and twirled it expertly in his hands.

"I suppose it's time to finish what the Green Arrow started," Merlyn said. He offered Tommy the bow. "If you don't mind... I'd like you to use this."

Warily, Tommy asked, "What are you talking about?"

"There's only one way for you and your sister to be free of the Lazarus Pit, Tommy. You have to kill a blood relative."

Thea shook her head, "No."

Malcolm smiled sadly, "I'm volunteering."

_***Open Your Eyes by Snow Patrol_

Furious, Laurel refused Sara’s hand and stepped away from her.

"How can you say that to me? I'm not afraid to live. I became the Black Canary! I'm out there fighting every night, saving the city... I've never felt more alive."

Sara gave Laurel a skeptical look.

Tears sprang into her eyes, "I became the Black Canary to honor you, Sara. I thought you'd be proud of me."

Sara took Laurel's hand, "I am proud of you, Laurel. More than you can ever know. But... I didn't need you to become the Black Canary to be proud of you. I already was... just for being you. Laurel Lance. She was my hero."

Laurel scoffed, "I wasn't a hero to you, Sara. You fell from a roof and dropped right in front of me. You died and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it.”

"That wasn't your fault, Laurel."

"But --"

"You're the one who made me believe I was worth loving. You had more reason to hate me than anyone, and you forgave me. You loved me. You saw the light in me, and you helped me see it in myself." Sara reached for Laurel's blonde hair and let the tendrils fall off her fingertips as she said, "But I think you've lost yourself in the Black Canary. You've lost sight of Laurel Lance."

"I don't understand."

"One of the last things I told Oliver was we're not our masks. We need people in our lives who don't wear one. Yes, you kick ass as the Black Canary, but what about your life without the mask?"

"I'm still an attorney."

"And?"

Laurel faltered and Sara sighed, "Yeah. That's what I thought."

Laurel put on a fake smile and said, "I'm happy. Really."

"You might be able to sell that crap to Dad, Ollie and your friends, but this is me. Plus, this is Afterlife Me. I'm impervious to crap."

"I don't know what you want me to say!"

"Laurel... you don't have an infinite amount of time here."

"I know that!"

"You know what's sad? I think you do know that and instead of running from death you're running from life. Again."

"I don't run from anything," Laurel argued heatedly.

"You don't? What about that picture you carry around?"

Laurel fell silent, and Sara pointed at her jacket, "Inside pocket."

Laurel pulled out the photograph Oliver had kept with him on the island. She gently ran her fingers along the frayed edges.

"He's moved on, Laurel."

"I know that."

"So why can't you?"

"I don't know!" Laurel exclaimed.

Sara softened, "Yes you do."

Laurel stared hard at the photograph and felt a dim memory spark deep inside her. She looked up at Sara in surprise, "This doesn't have anything to do with Oliver... does it?"

Sara shook her head, "No. It doesn't. You remember now... don't you?"

"Yes."

_***Judgment Day by Stealth_

"Why are you doing this, Dad?" Tommy asked.

"I haven't been much of a father to you or Thea. Truth be told... I inflicted most of the hell you are suffering. I want to tell you I was trying to protect you, but we know that's a lie. After your mother died, I wanted to see the world burn. I still do. My children were acceptable collateral damage."

"So what changed? Why the sudden surge of selflessness?" Oliver asked skeptically.

"I saw what Damien Darhk became and when I put that sword through his chest, and I looked into his eyes, I knew I was worse," Merlyn answered honestly. He turned to face Tommy and continued, "I've spent a lifetime trying to make you more like me. Watching you today with Thea, seeing what you were prepared to sacrifice, made me realize I should have been trying to be more like you."

"And the pills?" Thea asked.

"Control is love to me, Thea. I don't know any other way. I won't change."

"Even now. This is just one of your manipulations. You're controlling the outcome... our choice," Thea argued.

"If you mean you have very few options... then yes. I suppose I am controlling you, but it will be the last time."

“Will one life satisfy the bloodline and remove their bloodlust?” Oliver asked.

Malcolm nodded, “If Tommy and Thea kill me simultaneously then it might work. My blood should be enough to replace theirs in the pit’s bloodline, but I don’t know for certain. It’s a risk I am willing to take. We don’t have any other options.”

"How do you expect us to live with killing our father?" Thea demanded.

Merlyn shrugged nonchalantly, "I assume you'll figure it out."

"This isn't a joke, Dad," Tommy snapped.

"I'm not joking, son. I'm not saying there won't be a cost, but it's a price you have to pay. Nobody gets out of this free."

Thea shook her head, "No. I won't do it."

"You have to."

Merlyn could see a softening in Tommy's eyes and he approached him. "You were willing to die for your sister. Are you willing to kill for her?"

He handed Tommy the bow. Tommy took it and looked at Oliver for guidance.

"I can't tell you what to do, Tommy. All I can say is being the cause of a parent's death is not easy to live with,” Oliver said.

"What were Robert's last words to you, Oliver?" Merlyn asked.

Oliver fixed a steely gaze on Merlyn, "You don't have a right to that."

"I agree, but maybe Thea does."

Oliver looked at Thea and sighed. "He asked me to survive."

"That's all I'm asking my children to do. If I could pull the trigger myself I would, but I can't. It has to be their choice to break the link."

Tommy pulled an arrow from the quiver.

"Tommy! We can't!" Thea shouted.

"Thea... what choice do we have? A lifetime in a psych ward? Killing?"

"This is killing."

Merlyn interjected, "No... it's justice. Deep down, you know that. You've threatened to kill me more than once. I'm simply asking you to follow through."

Thea shook her head, "I didn't mean -"

"Yes you did. You had a right to your anger, to your vengeance. So take it!"

Thea shook her head sadly, "I don't want vengeance. I'm tired. I'm tired of the anger and the killing and the blame. I won't sacrifice anyone I care about to save myself."

"Then may I ask you to do me one kindness?"

"What?"

"Let me die for my children. After all I've done wrong... let me get this right," Merlyn's voice broke, "Let me be a hero... like your brothers. Like you. Just once."

Something in Thea gave way and she saw her father for what he was: a broken man, desperate to save his children. A man clinging to his final chance to save himself as well.

Tears welled in Thea's eyes and she weakly said, "Dad..."

Merlyn took off his ring and handed it to Tommy, "As my eldest child, you are Heir to the Demon. You will become Ra's Al Ghul. I trust you'll use the League to better ends that I would have."

Tommy studied the ring before slipping it on his finger. Satisfied, Merlyn turned to Thea.

"I don't know what to say. I thought if this day ever came... I'd be... relieved," she steeled herself against the wave emotion. "It's different than what I expected."

Merlyn kissed her gently on the head, "Don't waste a minute being regretful about me, Thea."

Ever the brave soldier, Thea nodded silently. Malcolm grazed her cheek softly and said, “You were always so strong. I deluded myself into think I had something to do with it, but now I only see your mother. You were always more of a Queen.”

Thea glanced at Tommy, "I don't know. Maybe being a Merlyn isn't so bad."

Merlyn looked at Oliver and said, "Oliver... I --"

Oliver responded flatly. "I don't want to hear anything you have to say, Merlyn."

Merlyn smirked a little at Oliver's rebuff and said, "Let's finish it then."

Resolved, Tommy raised the bow and looked expectantly at Thea. She held out her arm and a League member came forward with a bow. Thea studied the bow and grasped it tightly in her hand.

"You ready?" Tommy whispered.

Thea shook her head, "No..." she closed her eyes and tried to quiet the voices inside her head. When she opened her eyes, she took a sharp breath inward. Standing next to her was Moira.

"Tommy?" Thea whispered.

"Yeah?"

"I see my mom."

"It's okay, Thea. It'll be over soon."

"No... you don't understand. Her eyes are green," Thea explained.

"Trust me, Thea... I understand," Tommy said.

Standing next to Merlyn was Rebecca Merlyn, his mother. Just like Moira, her eyes were clear and bright. There were no vestiges of the pit. Tommy knew, with every fiber of his being, she wasn't a hallucination of his insanity.

"Tommy... you never told me who you see when the voices come..." Merlyn asked.

Tommy choked back a sob, "I see Mom too."

Hopefully, Merlyn asked, "Is she here?"

"Yeah Dad. She's here."

A single tear fell down Merlyn's face as he said, "I'm ready now."

Tommy drew back the arrow and Thea followed suit.

“One,” Tommy counted. “Two…”

"Wait... one last thing," Merlyn paused and took a deep breath. "I love you both. Very much."

Tommy froze. It had been so long since he’d heard those words from his father, it was almost a shock to his system.

“Tommy?” Thea asked.

The sound of Thea’s voice shook Tommy from his trance. He looked at Thea and regained his resolve. He nodded at her and said, “Three.”

They released the arrows from their bows simultaneously. Each arrow flew through the air with silent accuracy. Both hit their target, Malcolm's heart, only inches from each other, and he fell to the ground. Immediately, Thea and Tommy felt a rush of energy flow through them, like a weight being lifted. Oliver rushed to Thea's side.

"Are you alright?"

"I feel... different. More like myself. The voices are gone," Thea began to break down in grief, "It worked. He did it."

Oliver looked at Tommy who nodded and whispered, “Same here. They’re gone.”

Oliver gathered Thea into his arms as she cried and watched as Tommy walked to Merlyn. As Tommy stood over his father's dead body, the League knelt before him.

_***Like a River Runs by Sia_

Laurel felt the emotion overwhelm her as the memory came rushing back, bright and clear, as if it was yesterday.

"You took this picture."

Sara smiled brightly at Laurel, "That's right. I did."

Laurel spoke quickly, the words tumbling over one another,  "It was just before I left for school. You were taking that photography class and you insisted on taking my picture. We went out to Parker's Field and we spent the day out there. Laughing, talking and taking pictures. It was a perfect, happy day.”

“One of our last ones before…” Sara trailed off.

“Before the Queen’s Gambit,” Laurel whispered. “Before Oliver.” Laurel paused and furrowed her brow, “Wait a second. Are you saying you took the picture I gave Oliver for the trip he cheated on me... _with you_?"

There was a beat and then both women burst out laughing.

"Was that even a sentence?" Sara asked breathlessly.

"That is so messed up!" Laurel exclaimed.

"Yeah well... that's us," Sara shrugged.

"And Oliver," Laurel added.  

Their laughter died down, and Sara took the picture from Laurel, considering it carefully, "It's a good story you know. You tell everyone, including yourself, that you're still in love with Oliver Queen, knowing nothing will ever come of it. Knowing he doesn't love you. That he never really did... not the way you deserve. And the whole world just accepts it. Everyone leaves you alone. You can hide. But no one bothers to ask you what you're hiding from."

Sara hands the photograph back to Laurel, "So I'm going to ask. What are you hiding from, Laurel?"

"I don't think I know how to be this person again. I don't know how to live without you. I don’t want to."

Sara wiped the tears from Laurel's face and said, "Do you know what I think?"

Laurel shook her head, and Sara smiled as she brushed the hair from her face, "I think you're scared that if you let yourself be happy, even for just a second, you're forgetting all about me."

Laurel began to sob, and Sara hugged her close as she whispered, "But you missed the whole point. You’re holding onto all of these pieces of me - a jacket, a photograph… even Oliver. But I’m not there, Laurel. I’m here.” Sara pressed her hand to Laurel’s chest, over her heart. “I don’t need you to wear a mask. I just need you to be happy. I need you to love with your whole heart. That's how you honor me. That's how you remember me… and that’s where you’ll find me."

Sara nodded towards the open end of the alley, drawing Laurel’s attention. There was a bright and brilliant light in the distance. It beckoned to Laurel, but she felt stuck. Her feet felt frozen to that one spot, unable to move.

“I’m scared,” Laurel responded, her voice small and childlike.

Sara said, "My sister loves fiercely and fearlessly. She closes her eyes and she jumps. That's the woman who was my hero. Death can be lonely, Laurel, but life doesn't have to be."

"I don't want to leave you."

"You're not. I'm just going ahead. And I'll be here... waiting for you."

Laurel hugged her sister once more.

Sara pulled away and firmly said, “Now run.”

Very slowly, Laurel pulled away from Sara. Their hands still grasping until the distance between them became too wide. When their fingertips finally broke from one another, Laurel turned away from Sara, to the open end of the alley, and began to walk towards it. The closer she got the more Laurel heard the soft murmur of voices. One voice, in particular, stood out from all the rest.

Tommy’s.

Laurel began to run. Her strides purposeful and confident. The heavy feeling that held in her in place was gone and now she felt weightless. As the inertia of the light pulled her further away, Laurel could still feel the warmth of her sister's hand lingering on her fingertips.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s not necessary to read Once and Forever Queen first, but it would be helpful. 
> 
> ***Music I listened to while writing the story

_ ***Find My Way Back by Eric Arjes _

"Tommy."

Laurel exhaled his name, like an answer to a question, as she lingered in the space between dreaming and waking. She felt the pressure of Tommy's hand in hers, gripping her tightly, pulling her the rest of the way. Very slowly she opened her eyes.

"Hi," Tommy whispered. His eyes were bloodshot and exhausted, a stubble already beginning to prickle around his chin from lack of shaving.

"Hi," Laurel answered with a dreamy smile. She winced as the pain from the surgical wound came flooding in.

"We'll get you something for the pain," Oliver offered, standing in the corner.

Laurel looked over at him and smiled, "Didn't see you there."

"I'm sneaky like that," Oliver answered with a wink.

The door burst open and Captain Lance came rushing into. His eyes fell upon Laurel, and seeing her conscious, he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Hi Daddy," Laurel whispered.

Quentin rushed to her bedside, and Tommy moved away so he could have a moment. Quentin kissed Laurel on the forehead and said, "You can't scare me like that, baby."

"Don't worry, Dad. I'm not going anywhere," Laurel reassured.

Quentin nodded and said, "I'll go get the doctor."

"Is Felicity here?" Oliver asked hopefully.

"She's parking the car. I didn't really let her slow down. Practically jumped out while the car was still moving," Quentin answered.

Laurel laughed and then immediately moaned from the pain.

"Right. Doctor," Quentin said. He kissed Laurel again and said, "I love you, Laurel."

"I love you too, Dad."

Tommy was standing in the corner and Quentin paused to look him up and down.

"So... you're back."

Tommy shrugged a little, "Yeah. I'm back."

"This uh... pit thing. It brought you back from the dead?"

"Yes."

Quentin cleared his throat, "Do you think... could it do the same for Sara?"

Laurel looked at Tommy in alarm.

Thinking quickly, Tommy answered, "I'm sorry, sir, but the Lazarus Pit was destroyed shortly after I was resurrected. It was the only one of its kind."

Lance was crestfallen. Oliver stepped forward and said, "Let's get that doctor. Okay, Captain?"

Quentin nodded silently, and the two men made their way out of the room.

"Ollie?" Laurel called out.

Oliver paused and faced her, "Yeah?"

"I just wanted to say thank you."

Confused, Oliver stepped toward her, "For what?"

Laurel looked softly at Tommy, "For saving the love of my life."

Tommy looked at Laurel in surprise, and Oliver smiled softly at them.

"Sure. It's the least I could do. That's what friends are for, right?"

Laurel smiled back at him as she answered, "Right."

Oliver and Lance stepped into the hallway, giving Laurel and Tommy some privacy. Quentin wavered a bit, and Oliver immediately reached for his forearm, grasping it tightly. Instinctively, Quentin grasped Oliver's forearm back and held on for dear life.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah... it's just..."

"You need to breathe, Captain Lance," Oliver said.

Lance took a few deep breaths and said, "She's my baby girl. You know? I... already lost Sara. I couldn't take losing Laurel too."

"She's going to be okay."

Captain Lance nodded in agreement and let go of Oliver's arm, "I know. I'm gonna go find the doc."

_ ***Light Me Up by Ingrid Michaelson _

As Captain Lance walked down the hall, Oliver leaned against the wall, closed his eyes and exhaled. And then...

_ Click, click, click. _

He opened his eyes just as Felicity rounded the corner. Immediately, their eyes locked and Felicity froze. She leaned against the nurse's desk for support, overwhelmed with relief when she saw Oliver was okay. For a moment, neither of them moved, but then Felicity started walking towards Oliver slowly.

"My father... did he hurt you?"

Oliver shook his head no silently, unable to speak.

“Laurel? Is she -- “

“She’s okay.”

Oliver’s confirmation unleashed the flood of words she was holding back. Everything she wanted to tell him, but couldn’t. There weren’t any catastrophes to stop. No one’s life was in peril. No enemies to vanquish. Oliver’s focus was entirely on her, and for the first time in days, Felicity felt that was exactly where his focus needed to be. She capitalized on the moment of peace and began to babble uncontrollably.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to tell you like that. Yell at you that is. Or tell you while my father was choking you to death. Although... I've been reading some books and apparently the yelling could be a thing because of the hormones. So maybe get prepared. There may also be tears. I wanted to tell you in the bunker, but I just.... and then we... well, you know, and then you left to save Thea and it was all life in peril and then your life was _actually_ _in_ peril. I sort of panicked. But I had other plans! Or potential plans. I thought maybe I'd make you diner with all baby-sized food. See if you guessed? Although, you should be the one to cook, because I would probably burn it, which would defeat the point. I considered Pictionary. In retrospect, I think I was overly focused on a guessing theme. Maybe I should have just wrapped up an ultrasound like they do on YouTube, but then I didn't want to go to an ultrasound without you. Maybe surprise was the wrong way to go. The baby is a big enough surprise. I just wanted to make it special because I know we didn't plan this. I know this is crazy, and I totally understand if you --"

Oliver started striding toward Felicity mid babble, every step confident and purposeful. Once he reached her, Oliver swept Felicity up into his arms, hugging her tight. The shock of suddenly being airborne caused Felicity to audibly gasp. She wrapped her arms tightly around Oliver's neck as he twirled her around and buried his face into her neck.

Felicity whispered, "So... I take this to mean you're happy?"

Oliver pulled back and looked at Felicity tenderly, tears shining in his eyes, "I have never been happier."

As Oliver set her down gently, Felicity smiled with relief. Diggle was right. Feeling Oliver's arms around her, hearing his voice and seeing his joy erased all her worries and fears in an instant. She didn't need to know everything. They would figure this out together.

Oliver wiped the tears from her cheeks as she said, "Good because I'm happy too. I'm very happy..."

Her words died on her lips as Oliver cupped her face and softly kissed her. They held each other, in the hospital hallway, melting together as their breath became one. The last time Oliver kissed her in this place they were being pulled apart. By life. By circumstance. By choice. Oliver kissed Felicity that first time out of need. Words could no longer convey what he felt for her, and he needed her to know. To feel his love just once. But Oliver also kissed Felicity out of desperation. He wanted to hold onto her, to the dream, he felt slipping away.

This was the dream. This life. And the life they would create together.

Oliver took his time kissing his wife and the mother of his child. Nothing could pull him away. Not now... not ever. They were one… in a way Oliver had never felt before, in a way he didn't even know was possible until now.

_ ***Tell Me You Love Me by Boy Epic _

"Thank you for lying to my father about the Lazarus Pit. He would do anything to get Sara back, but I could never do that to her," Laurel sadly said.

"I understand, Laurel. I know a little something about fathers sacrificing themselves to save their children from the pit," Tommy added morosely. "It's a hell I wouldn’t wish on anyone."

Laurel grabbed his hand, "Merlyn?"

Tommy nodded silently. Laurel took a deep breath as she absorbed what Malcolm did and what Tommy had to do. Tommy couldn't even look Laurel in the eyes.

"You really want to be with a guy who killed his own father?"

"Yes," Laurel answered confidently. "Tommy look at me."

Tommy complied and Laurel continued, "You were surviving. There is no blame in that."

Tommy was silent.

"Sometimes we hold onto the pieces of ourselves too tightly. Sometimes letting go is the only way of moving forward."

"What do you mean?"

"Inside my jacket. There's something I want to show you."

Tommy complied and reached for Laurel's Black Canary jacket resting on the side table. 

Fumbling around a bit, Tommy muttered, “Why are there so many buckles?”

Laurel smiled and said, “Inside pocket, silly.”

Tommy slipped his hand into a small pocket inside the jacket and pulled out the photograph. 

"What is this?" Tommy asked.

"It's a picture I gave Oliver just before he left on the Queen's Gambit."

Tommy looked crestfallen and Laurel winced, "Oh god. Sorry. I didn't mean it like that. Sara took that picture, Tommy."

"Sara?"

"I didn't remember until she... until just now. It was one of the last happy memories of Sara that I had before she left on the Queen's Gambit."

"So... the picture Oliver kept of you, all those years, is one your sister took?"

Laurel nodded.

"That's messed up."

Laurel burst out laughing, "That's what I said when Sara...." her laughter died down, and she quickly finished, "Never mind."

"It's a beautiful picture, Laurel. You look happy," Tommy said softly, gently running his finger over it.

"I was happy," Laurel paused and took a deep breath, "I know you're worried that I'm holding onto Oliver, but it's not about him. Or at least not in the way you think."

"So I've been told," Tommy answered. Laurel raised an eyebrow and he explained, "Oliver may have said something."

"Ah, well... even though I hate to admit when he's right...."

"I wouldn't tell him. Better to not encourage him," Tommy joked.

Laurel smiled, but then she grew serious as she said, "My whole life was defined by being Sara's sister. It was always my barometer for knowing who I was. She was wild. I was responsible. She was free and I was..."

"Obsessive compulsive?" Tommy offered with a wink.

Laurel hit him, "I was going to go with structured." She continued, "I moved my life like a magnet against hers, and when she was gone... I didn't know what to do. I suppose I still don't. I became the Black Canary to honor her, but I think I wanted to hold on to her too. So, I know who I am. It meant I held onto everything, including the not so good parts."

"Such as?"

"Oliver."

"Then why did you choose him?"

Laurel said, "I chose him because I thought I loved him. I'm an addict, Tommy, and booze isn't my only one. I was addicted to the pain and the misery. For a long time I thought that's how love should be, but..." she took a deep breath, "but then you came along, and you changed everything for me. I was... I am... happy with you, and it scared me."

"Why?"

"I didn’t consciously realize it until tonight, but it felt like I was letting a piece of Sara go. Like I was forgetting about her. So I ruined it," Laurel paused and then said quietly, "But if I am being honest, that's not the only reason."

"What's the other one?"

"I'd been rejected by Oliver so many times it felt good to finally be ‘the one’."

"Well... you'd waited a long time for it. I don't blame you."

"I blame me. I convinced myself that Oliver would make me happy, when deep down, I knew we were never going to match the picture I had in my head." Laurel took Tommy's hand, "But with you, Tommy, it's not a picture. It's real. You make me laugh. You make me dance. I drink tequila until 2 am with you and have omelets the next morning. When I'm with you... I'm living. And it doesn't have anything to do with Sara or Oliver. I'm just me. I'm enough."

"You always were," Tommy whispered softly. "You always will be."

He started to hand the photo back to Laurel, but she shook her head and refused it, "No, I want you to keep it."

"Why?"

A tear fell down Laurel's face as she said, "For so long I've wanted to go back to that girl in the picture, the girl who dreamed about her future, who didn’t know the pain of loss. I thought Oliver was my way back, but I know now it doesn't have anything to do with going back. It's about moving forward. I am that girl with you, Tommy. You are my path. I'm not choosing you because you're all that's left. I am choosing you because you are all I want. I cannot tell you how sorry I am for ever making you doubt it. But I promise I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

Tommy shook his head, "I don't know if I'm that guy anymore, Laurel. I think I'm too broken to be that guy ever again."

"I'm broken too. I think that's why we work. Somehow our broken pieces fit together. I don't need you to be the same man. I will take any piece of you I can have and the rest... we'll just figure out it as we go."

"I don't even know where to start."

"We can start small. Perhaps gainful employment?"

Her eyes twinkled and Tommy couldn't help but smile. He glanced down at his ring and said, "Well... I am leading a global network of assassins now."

"Does it come with dental?"

There was a beat between them, and then they dissolved into laughter.

Tommy ran his hand through Laurel's hair, brushing it from her face, "Maybe something simpler."

"Such as?"

Tommy kissed Laurel's hand and said, "A house?"

Laurel took a sharp breath in as the tears sprang into her eyes. Her voice breaking she asked, "And kids?"

Tommy nodded, his eyes now shining with tears, "Yeah. I think two for sure."

"Two sounds perfect," Laurel whispered. She took a deep breath and squeezed Tommy's hand tightly as she said, "I love you, Tommy Merlyn."

_ ***Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell _

Tommy bent over and kissed Laurel softly. After they broke away, Tommy wrapped his arms around Laurel and hugged her tightly. He whispered in her ear, "I love you too."

Suddenly, Tommy felt Laurel go limp in his arms as he held her. Her hands slid from his neck and flopped helplessly at her sides.

"Laurel?" Tommy asked, a hint of fear in his voice. He pulled away slightly to look at her. "Laurel... honey? Come on Laurel wake up."

He set her back down on the bed and felt for a pulse. The panic seized his heart like a vice grip when he felt none and Tommy began to scream.

Oliver and Felicity were celebrating their good news with Diggle and Thea in the hospital hallway. Captain Lance was rounding the corner with the doctor.

"Somebody help me! She's not breathing! Somebody help!"

Tommy's cries echoed down the hall and the doctor immediately began to run as the nurses rushed into the room. Captain Lance, Oliver, Felicity, Diggle and Thea were close behind. The nurses pushed Tommy out of the way as they frantically began to administer CPR.

There was nothing, but stillness. Laurel couldn't hear the pandemonium in the room even though she could see it. It was as if there was a veil separating her from everyone. Laurel felt disoriented and searched frantically around the room. She caught her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was dark brown again, and she was dressed in a simple blue pant suit like the one she wore the night Sara died.

And there, standing in the doorway, was Sara.

"I don't understand what's happening! What is going on?" Laurel demanded from her sister.

"You're dying, Laurel," Sara answered.

Laurel shook her head and watched as a nurse beat against her chest. Then stepped away as the doctor defibrillated. Her body jumped as the jolt of electricity ran through her body, but Laurel didn't feel anything.

"No... no that's not... that's...," Laurel stammered as she watched the nurse increase the charge. Her body jumped again, but her heart remained flat line. "Did you know this was going to happen, Sara?"

Sara shook her head, "No. I didn't."

"This isn't suppose to happen. I chose to live. I chose Tommy!" Laurel shouted angrily.

"I told you, Laurel. Sometimes death chooses for you," Sara explained simply.

The doctor pronounced time of death. He began to explain about the aneurysm, but Tommy couldn’t listen. He collapsed onto the floor and began to sob. Felicity fell into a shocked Oliver's arms, and Diggle consoled Thea. Very slowly, Captain Lance approached Laurel's body. He picked her up gently and began to rock her back and forth in his arms. There were no words, no sound as Captain Lance began to cry. He could only offer a silent scream.

"I just told him I loved him and now..." Laurel whispered in tears. "I don't understand. Why did I even get to come back?"

Laurel felt Sara's arms wrap around her waist. Sara's chin pressed gently over Laurel's shoulder as they looked upon their friends and family. Somehow the weight of her sister's arms around her steadied Laurel. Certainty became her anchor. She didn't have to ask why. She just... knew.

"To tell him," Laurel whispered, almost to herself, as she looked at Tommy as he cried.

"Yes," Sara affirmed.

"Thank you for being here," Laurel whispered.

"I didn't want you to be lonely."

Laurel nodded gratefully and squeezed her sister tighter. She gripped Sara's arms and took a deep breath as she felt the last tether to life break. The stillness of her surroundings finally took hold within her. There was no fear, doubt or anger. There was only love and the peace that came with knowing she had no regrets.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s not necessary to read Once and Forever Queen first, but it would be helpful. 
> 
> ***Music I listened to while writing the story

_***Way Down We Go by Kaleo_

Damien Darhk awoke in cold and dark space. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust, but he rapidly picked up the sound of a beeping monitor. He looked down at his hand and saw an IV connected. Then the wave of intense pain hit.

"You're not dead," Oliver's deep and confident voice boomed around him.

Damien turned and saw Oliver sitting in front of him, except they were separated by bars. With some difficulty, Damien slid off the bed so he could stand and face Oliver.

"Why not?" Damien moaned.

"I have it on good authority you can survive a sword," Oliver answered.

Suddenly, a panic seized Damien and he looked down at his wound. He was relieved to find it stitched up.

"The Lazarus Pit didn't bring you back from the dead, Damien. Good old-fashioned medicine did. Consider yourself lucky. All I had was tea," Oliver explained dryly.

Damien winced again and Oliver added, "We skipped the pain meds."

"Who's we?"

"Oh, you have John Diggle to thank. He and Lyla air lifted you off that roof to ARGUS's top surgeons."

Damien struggled to walk, so he sat down on the bed again, "Why on earth would John Diggle save me?"

"Because I asked him to. And because he loves Felicity more than he hates you."

Damien smirked, "So my daughter begged for my life?"

“No, I didn’t. I told them to let you die,” Felicity answered calmly, stepping out from the shadows.

The smirk faded from Damien's face as she emerged and stood next to Oliver, facing her father behind the bars.

“I was actually pretty angry with Oliver when he told me that he saved you,” Felicity explained. She continued with a playful lilt in her voice, “But then I remembered… marriage is all about compromise. Isn’t that right, my love?”

Playing along Oliver said, “Yes. Absolutely.”

“So, I came up with this,” Felicity said raising her hands to the jail cell.

“And this is?” Damien asked, wincing again in pain.

“Lian Yu,” Felicity answered coldly.

Damien swallowed hard, “Where Slade Wilson is?”

“Well, we thought it was best if the two of you didn’t meet. ARGUS has been busy building cells. This is their newest addition,” Felicity answered.

“You can’t do this!”

Felicity stepped towards the cell. Oliver reached to hold her back, but she shook him off. Seething Felicity said, “Oh yes I can. You killed Andy. You killed Laurel. You’ve terrorized everyone I love. You see, when Oliver told me he spared your life I realized something. Death is too good for you. You deserve to live the rest of your life in the cold. In the dark. In the silence. And when you die… nobody will even notice because we will have forgotten all about you long ago. It will be like you never existed.”

Incensed, Damien shot back, “I will get out, daughter, and when I do I am coming for you… for him… and for that abomination growing in your belly.”

Very calmly, Felicity pulled a gun from her jacket. Oliver stood in surprise, but before he could stop her, Felicity fired a bullet into Damien’s leg. He fell to the ground and screamed in agony.

“You’re not getting it, Dad,” Felicity said, her voice eerily relaxed, “I have absolutely no problem killing you, but I’ve realized you don’t fear death. I think there’s even a part of you that craves it. Living is your hell. And I am committed to making you live in torment,” Felicity kneeled so she was eye to eye with Damien, “But if you even breathe the wrong way, I will know about it. The silence and the cold and the never-ending isolation will be like a vacation compared to what I will do to you.”

“Alright. I’ll bite.”

Felicity smiled evenly, “I will come back and put a bullet in your heart. I will watch you die.”

Damien chuckled, “So much for death being too good for me.”

“I didn’t say you would _stay_ dead.”

His smile faded immediately as Felicity pulled a syringe, filled with a clear liquid, from her jacket.

“I will plunge this into your heart and resurrect you with the Lazarus Pit. There will be no pills. No legions of followers willing to sacrifice themselves for the great and powerful Damien Darhk. The bloodlust will consume you and I will let it. Then you, my father, will spend your final days lost in madness.”

Damien’s face grew pale, and for the first time Felicity saw real fear in his eyes.

“Where did you get that?” He asked hesitantly.

“A gift from Nyssa Al Ghul. Turns out she hates you almost as much as her father did… and that was before you killed Laurel,” Felicity explained. She tipped her head to the side and added, “So what were you saying about my baby?”

Damien met Felicity’s steely gaze, but finally looked away. Sitting in his jail cell, clinging to his wounds, he was a cowering shadow of a man. Satisfied, Felicity stood up and handed the gun to Oliver.

“Think I’m about done here. Meet you at the plane?” Felicity asked, her voice perky again.

Oliver nodded, “Right behind you.”

Felicity turned and confidently walked towards the ladder without a second glance at her father.

“Felicity!” Damien called out. “I am still your father.”

Felicity paused, the sunlight hitting the top of her head and illuminating her in a bright light, “Perhaps, but I will think of you as dead until HaShem makes you so.”

Damien closed his eyes in despair as Felicity climbed the rest of the way out of the cell, shutting it behind her, enveloping him in darkness once again. The two men regarded one another in silence for a long time.

Finally, Damien said, "You know that bullet I fired was meant for you."

"I know."

"I wonder... what if you had died? What if you hadn't broken my wrist? Would Laurel still be alive? The what ifs will haunt you for the rest of your life." Damien mused.

Oliver shook his head, "No. They won't. This isn't my fault. You killed Laurel. Not me. And for that I'm leaving you here to rot for a long, long time."

Damien shook his head, “You should have let me die, Al Sah-Him.”

Oliver stood and moved closer to the bars, "I didn’t do it for you. I did it for her.”

“So she could have her revenge? It seems my child has inherited my thirst for vengeance,” Damien muttered bitterly.

Oliver shook his head, “Even after all this time you’ve spent studying and watching her, you still don’t have a clue who she is.”

“But I’m sure you’ll tell me,” Damien replied flippantly.

Oliver breathed deeply, as if the very thought of Felicity was air to him, “She’s the light in the dark. For me, for anyone she touches. She brings out the best in all of us because she _is_ the best of us.”

“She thinks she can lock me down here and escape me, but I’m in her blood. I’m the darkness she can’t hide from, Al Sah-Him, and you just had a front row seat to who she truly is.”

“This isn’t vengeance. It’s justice,” Oliver stated matter of factly. “You’ve taken so much from her, from all of us, but there is something I am determined to take back.”

“And what’s that?”

“Hope.”

“Hope in what?”

“You can't change if you're dead, Damien. I wasn't prepared to take that hope from Felicity forever, whether she can feel it or not. She's lost enough already.”

Damien shook his head in disbelief, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“She has been the light for me more times than I can count. Now it’s my turn.”

Damien chuckled hollowly, “You’re a fool.”

“Maybe. We’ll let The Island decide.”

Damien coughed, "When I left the League I stole some of the Lazarus Pit."

"I know."

"I used the last of it on Malcolm and Tommy. I'm aging, Oliver. I won't have long."

"Then I guess there's a clock on it."

"On what? My rehabilitation?"

"You think I brought you here to rehabilitate you?"

"Yes."

Oliver shook his head, "I brought you here to break you. That’s what this island does. What you do after that is up to you. Someone will be back to look at that wound.”

Oliver turned to leave, and Damien shouted out to him.

"You can't leave me in this hell hole!"

Oliver paused, turned and said, "You're not in hell, Elijah. You're in Purgatory."

Oliver climbed the ladder and slammed shut the door to Damien's underground dungeon, leaving him alone in the silence and the darkness.

_***Pieces by Rob Thomas_

Oliver stepped out onto the beach as the portal closed behind him. The bright light of the sun blinded him, and it took his eyes a minute to adjust. When the world became clear again he saw Felicity leaning over a piece of driftwood, throwing up.

Rushing to her side, Oliver gathered her hair in his hands and stroked her back, “Hey. You okay?”

Felicity took a deep breath, and Oliver handed her a tissue to wipe her mouth. She sighed, “It’d be great if I could be on this island without vomiting.”

“Morning sickness or …?” Oliver asked hesitantly.

Felicity furrowed her brow in confusion, “Morning sickness, of course.”

Oliver nodded quietly as he pulled a small bag of pretzels out of his jacket pocket and handed them to Felicity, “Okay.”

Felicity smiled a little and began eating from the package gratefully, “Where did these come from?”

Oliver shrugged, “Diggle said it’d be a good idea to have food on hand at all times.”

Felicity continued to snack and said, “This isn’t distracting me from that ‘or’ or that incredulous look on your face, Oliver.”

“I just thought maybe you were upset about your father.”

Felicity’s face darkened, “You weren’t listening. I don’t care about him.”

Oliver countered, “Oh, I was listening. Those were some pretty serious threats.”

“Thought you would be more impressed with my aim,” Felicity answered dryly.

Oliver gave her an exasperated look, and Felicity looked him in the eye sternly, “I meant every word, Oliver.”

Oliver skeptically asked, “Did you?”

“Look, we agreed okay? He lives. He suffers. He dies. That’s our deal, but if you think I am going to live in fear or let him hurt anyone I love ever again --”

“I understand why you threatened him. I even think the threat was necessary, but this is just you and me here. Are you really prepared to go through with it?”

Felicity put her hands over her stomach protectively, her voice becoming small, “I am so happy about this baby. I didn’t think it was possible to love someone you never met this much… but I do. And I can’t stop thinking --”

Felicity faltered and Oliver stroked her cheek gently before asking, “Can stop thinking what?”

“Of all the ways it can go wrong. And I’m not just talking about the pregnancy. I’m talking about when the baby is here. I look around our loft, and it looks like a death chamber right now.”

“Well, that’s what baby proofing is for. Also, Diggle says they don’t go very far in the first few months.”

“Yeah well… how do I baby proof against my father?” Felicity asked tearfully.

Oliver sighed and took Felicity in his arms, holding her tight. He kissed the top of her head, the scent of her lavender and vanilla shampoo mixing with the sea air. The familiar scent of his past and future colliding into an inexplicable and miraculous mix. “Do you think I would let anything happen to this child? To you?”

Felicity shook her head as she rested her head against Oliver’s chest, cocooned safely in the strength of his arms.

“If he ever came after you or this baby…,” Oliver faltered, “You wouldn’t have to use the pit, Felicity. I’d break his neck.”

Felicity pulled away, “Not to rehash the same fight we’ve had three times already, but hasn’t he done enough? He killed Andy and Laurel --”

“I know --”

“His very existence is a threat, Oliver.”

“I know.”

Felicity closed her eyes, “I just want to be rid of him.”

Oliver countered, “He’s your father. He’ll always be a part of you, honey. Even after he’s dead. Trust me.”

“That’s not enough of a reason for me. That doesn’t explain why you are doing all of this.”

“Because maybe he can change. My father did. Malcolm did.”

Felicity sighed, “Oliver…”

“It may not have happened until their final moments, but it happened. All I know is that hope exists as long as Damien lives.”

Felicity’s voice broke, “I know I’ve always hoped for that before, but I just can’t hold onto that anymore. It just hurts too much.”

Oliver held her close again and said, “You go ahead and let go of it. I’ll hope for you.”

Felicity looked up at him, and Oliver wiped the tears as they trailed down her face, “Why?”

He nodded, “Because you’ve done it for me so many times I’ve lost count. More times than I even probably realize.”

“I have done a lot of the emotional heavy lifting in this relationship.”

Oliver chuckled, “So, maybe put this one on my shoulders this time. I can handle it.”

Felicity wrapped her arms around Oliver’s neck and mused softly, “They are very big shoulders.”  

Resolved, Oliver brushed the hair out of her face and said, “Some day your father will die. Whether it’s by my hands or natural causes… it will happen. But Damien took a piece of you, Felicity, and I’m going to get it back. He’s doesn’t get to take it with him.”

Felicity bit her lip, “And if it never comes back?”

Oliver looked at her softly, “It will. It just takes time.”

A beat passed between them before Felicity added, “But in the meantime, he suffers, right?”

“Absolutely. Solitary confinement. No pain meds --”

“No cable,” Felicity interjected.

“Food is absolute crap,” Oliver finished firmly.

“Good,” Felicity answered, before pausing and taking the syringe from her pocket. She and Oliver stared at it for a moment in silence before she said, “Maybe I’ll let you hang onto this.”

Oliver answered softly, “Maybe that’s a good idea.”

Oliver took it from Felicity’s hand gently and slipped it into his jacket pocket.

Felicity hesitated before asking, “What if he never changes?”

Oliver smiled a little, “Well… then, that’s on him.”

“Why are you smiling at me like that?”

“You asked the question.”

Felicity folded her arms, “So?”

“So…  maybe your hope isn’t as far gone as I thought,” Oliver explained, his smile growing wider.

Felicity tilted her head thoughtfully and said, “Maybe you’re just a good influence.”

“Well, I learned from the best,” Oliver whispered before gently kissing Felicity.

Felicity sank deeper into the kiss as she felt a weight lifting. The rage had been sitting in her chest, making it hard to breathe, but now she felt lighter. The grief and pain, even the fear, was still there, but it wasn’t consuming her. It was like a shadow lifting. In the warmth of Oliver’s embrace, Felicity could once again feel the sun on her face.

_***Come By Fire Sara Jackson-Holman_

The crowd dispersed as Laurel's funeral ended. Captain Lance and Dinah held onto each other tightly for support, and Diggle helped them into the limo. Oliver paused and turned to look back. Tommy remained frozen in front of Laurel's gravestone. He squeezed Felicity's hand gently and she gave him a soft kiss in understanding before continuing on without him.

Oliver stood a few feet behind Tommy and for a long time the two men stood in absolute silence. Finally, Oliver voiced the only thing he could think of.

"I don't know what to say Tommy."

Tommy nodded and sniffed as he wiped the tears from his eyes, “Heard you’re going to be a dad.”

Oliver smiled a little, “Yeah.”

“That’s amazing, Ollie. Congratulations, really. You’ll be a great one. I know it,” Tommy said earnestly.

“I don’t know about that,” Oliver answered uncertainly.

Tommy firmly responded, “I do.”

Touched, Oliver said, “Thank you.”

Tommy swallowed hard, “Laurel and me… we talked about kids. Just before she…”

Tommy trailed off, unable to finish his sentence.

Oliver closed his eyes and whispered, “Tommy…” He felt a sharp pain in his chest, the guilt mixing with the intense relief that he still had Felicity.

Tommy shook his head, “Can you believe that? One minute we were talking kids and houses and then next… she’s gone. And now I’m here. Staring at her grave.”

“It’s not fair,” Oliver offered.

“It’s more than unfair. It’s unimaginable. It’s not supposed to be this way. It was never suppose to be this way. It should be me in this hole. Not her. I died to keep her safe, but we ended up here anyways."

"Felicity once told me that if you're willing to die to protect the people you love then you have to accept that the people you love may make the same choice. Laurel loved you, Tommy."

As he stared at Laurel's gravestone, Tommy said, "I never understood it before... my father. I mean, I loved my mother too. I was devastated when she died, but I never understood _him_. His grief was like a rage when he lost her. It consumed him. He wanted everyone to hurt as much as him. He wanted to see the world burn."

Tommy turned to face Oliver. He face was hardened and angry as he said, "I get that now."

Oliver shook his head, "You're nothing like your father, Tommy."

Tommy scoffed, "Aren't I? All I can think about is the time we lost. All I can think about is everything we're never going to have. I'm so angry, Ollie, it's ripping me apart."

Tommy stared at his ring, and Oliver regarded him warily.

"What are you saying, Tommy?"

_***Broken by Lifehouse_

"That you're wrong. I _am_ like my father or at least I can be. We all can. We can all lose ourselves in grief and become something we don't even recognize. All that separates me from him is the choice not to."

Tommy twirled the ring around his finger as he said, "If I become Ra's, then I'll become him. I know it."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I offered Ra's Al Ghul to Nyssa, but she wants to disband the League."

"She does?"

"Yes. She said it's what Laurel would have wanted for her."

Oliver stepped next to Tommy and looked down at Laurel's grave as he said softly, "For both of you."

Tommy hesitated before adding, "I asked her to destroy the Lazarus Pit. As much as I want her back, Oliver, I could never do that to her..."

Tommy faltered as his voice broke, and Oliver put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"You don't have to explain, Tommy. I understand."

"I've been thinking a lot about my mom," Tommy whispered sadly. "My father, the Undertaking, the Queen's Gambit, your father's death, the five years of hell you survived... it all started the night she was murdered. My father wanted to destroy the city, but I think my mother would want me to help save it. So would Laurel. I don't know... maybe it'll save me in the end."

Oliver swallowed the lump in his throat and answered, "I might have a way for you to do that if you're interested."

Tommy nodded silently. Then, he slipped the ring from his finger. He set it down on top of Laurel's headstone and grabbed a nearby rock. He slammed the rock against the ring and shattered it into pieces. Tommy brushed the debris from Laurel's grave and knelt before it. He pressed his fingers to his lips, tasting the salty tears and feeling the dampness against his fingertips. Then, Tommy pressed his fingers against Laurel's gravestone in a silent kiss goodbye.

When Tommy rose, Oliver offered him his hand.

"Together?"

"Together," Tommy answered as he shook it firmly.

Oliver pulled him in for a hug. He was a long way from being okay, but for the first time, Tommy felt like there was hope someday he might be.

_***Blackbird by Sara McLachlan_

Oliver put his arm around Tommy's shoulder as they walked away from Laurel's grave.

"Just one question," Tommy asked.

"What's that?"

"Do I have to wear leather pants?"

The sound of their laughter was all Laurel could hear as she watched Oliver and Tommy walked away. It echoed all around her, and she felt a surge of joy. Tommy may not be certain, but she was. He was going to be alright. Oliver would help him pick up the pieces. Laurel felt the warmth of Sara's hand. Everything was just as it should be.

"I'm ready now," Laurel said.

"Good. There's so much I want to show you," Sara answered.

Curious, Laurel asked, "Like what?"

With a mischievous twinkle in her eye, Sara answered, "You'll see."

Laurel and Sara walked hand and hand along the grass. Laurel looked around and saw nothing, but a kaleidoscope of colors as the sunlight engulfed them.

_***Life by Sleeping At Last_

Felicity held Oliver's hand anxiously as the ultrasound technician searched for the baby's heartbeat.

"I didn't think I'd be this nervous," she whispered.

Oliver squeezed her hand tightly and said, "Everything is going to be fine."

Just then a "whoosh, whoosh, whoosh" sound filled the room. Immediately, tears sprang to their eyes as Oliver and Felicity looked at the monitor.

"Does everything look alright? Is the baby okay?" Felicity asked anxiously.

The technician smiled and said, "Yes. Your babies look wonderful. Right on track."

Oliver and Felicity sighed with relief, but then glanced at one another in confusion.

"Wait. I'm sorry. Did you say... babies?" Felicity asked.

The technician winked at her, "You caught that, huh?"

"How many are in there?" Felicity demanded.

The technician laughed and began to point to the dancing kidney beans on the screen, "There's three. See? One... two... and three."

"Holy frack. Triplets? That's not a baby. That's a liter!" Felicity cried out. She looked at Oliver in alarm. He looked absolutely stunned. Then very slowly, a smile began to spread over his face, and he began to laugh.

"Is laughter typical with shock?" Felicity asked the technician.

"No. It's typical with happiness though."

"I'm more comfortable with shock. Shock is where I am at. Shock is where we should both be at."

Oliver leaned over and kissed Felicity firmly on the mouth, silencing her. As he pulled back he whispered, "I think it's great."

Felicity shook her head, "How are you so calm? Three? That's --"

"Crazy? Yeah. It is, but what else is new? That's us. That's our world right?" Oliver answered softly.

A tear fell down Felicity's cheek as she said, "Right."

"They'll fit right in."

Felicity burst out laughing, and Oliver kissed her again.

"We got this."

"We do?"

"Sure. And if we don't... Diggle will."

Felicity laughed again. Her heart was racing from nerves, but as Oliver kissed her forehead she began to feel calmer. They watched the monitor in wonder as the technician finished taking measurements. Their children's heartbeats were the only sounds in the room. It was like finding three pieces to their lives they didn't even know were missing. Despite everything they'd lost, Oliver and Felicity never felt more whole.


End file.
